How often do we think about what really becomes the reason for our friendship with this or that person? Especially if this friendship begins in adulthood. Common interests, hobbies? Living in the same neighborhood? Working together? Your children's mutual friendship?
The author of our story today, the user WiseOwl24, also sincerely believed that she had found a bosom friend in the person of her son's bestie's mom. And for five whole years, this was the case until school made its harsh adjustments... However, let's figure it all out together.
More info: Mumsnet
The author of the post has a 10-year-old son whose peer 'Mia' had been his longtime bestie
Image credits: freepik / freepik (not the actual photo)
The boy and the girl were really close, playing together and attending one another's birthday parties - and so were their moms
Image credits: WiseOwl24
Image credits: freepik / freepik (not the actual image)
The author was pretty sure that Mia's mom was her bosom friend - but recently the friendship faded away
Image credits: WiseOwl24
Image credits: gpointstudio / freepik (not the actual image)
Mia started bullying the author's son at school but denied everything in a private conversation
Image credits: WiseOwl24
It turned out that the girl had started to hang out with 'cool kids' - and the friendship between the author and Mia's mom also ended
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that this girl (let's call her "Mia") had been her son's best friend since pre-school times. They willingly played together, attended each other's birthdays, and were generally inseparable. Accordingly, the kids' mothers also made friends, and our heroine became really close to Mia's mom.
However, this whole idyll began to collapse a few months ago, when ten-year-old Mia, for no apparent reason, began to shower the OP's son with insults, claiming that she was literally sick of his appearance. The boy, not understanding anything, told his mom about it, and she decided to clarify the situation.
However, when Mia and her mother met with the author, the girl flatly denied the very fact of any insults towards her friend, claiming that he was just lying. Accordingly, Mia's mom was also hostile towards the OP. Well, after some time, at school, Mia subjected the poor boy to even more bullying 'for snitching on her.'
The woman supposes that the reason for this is Mia's changed friendship preferences as she began to spend more time with, let's say, "cool kids." Much older in their behavior, more streetwise, sarcastic, mouthy and trendy, than the OP's son. Who, his mom honestly admits, is still a child.
Mom tried to discuss the situation with the teacher, but instead of a balanced and delicate approach, she chose to simply snap at Mia, directly telling the girl that the original poster had complained about her behavior. Needless to say, this had the opposite reaction to what was expected.
And the OP's friendship with Mia's mother, which once seemed so strong and unbreakable, has now actually turned to dust in the wind. In fact, our heroine admits, she and her son have both lost very close people, after years of them having a happy friendship.
Image credits: freepik/ freepik (not the actual image)
"The situation, in general, is quite standard - children at this age are just beginning a kind of reassessment of their own values, and not every friendship is destined to survive this difficult period. Especially between girls and boys," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
"Girls usually start this process earlier, and they sometimes feel 'ashamed' of the very fact of their friendship with someone who now looks like a little kid in their eyes. In fact, this mother herself also told something similar. That the girl radically changed her social circle at school."
"And the teacher's reaction here was also, to put it mildly, unsuccessful. Any aggression when working with teenagers will cause the exact opposite reaction, so it is not surprising that nothing was achieved. However, the boy still has his whole life ahead of him - there will still be room for a true and strong friendship," Irina is pretty much sure.
As for the commenters to the original post, they also believe that the situation described by the author is quite common, although, of course, very unpleasant. "If Mia has been drawn into wanting to be in the cool gang, she may have felt that, to be accepted, she has to be seen to reject and dislike anyone who's not in the cool gang," one of the responders wrote. "This kind of thing is not uncommon."
In any case, commenters are almost certain that the author and her son lost not just friends, but bad friends, since this friendship didn't pass such a test. "You haven't both lost osw friends, though. You have both lost bad friends. Use it as an opportunity to teach him what a friendship shouldn't look like and it will stand him in good stead," another person added quite wisely. And do you, our dear readers, also agree with this point of view?
People in the comments noted that this case is far from uncommon, and claimed that the author and her son just 'lost bad friends'
