Welcoming a new family member when a child gets married may be one of the best things to happen to many parents. There are so many various stories about in-laws becoming a daughter or son they never had, or the other way around - spouses finding parental figures in their in-laws. However, not all relationships are that glamorous and a new person may even bring much more chaos.
For example, one Reddit user’s family situation changed for the worse once her son got married. Due to conflicts between his wife and sister, he insisted that all conversations would be happening with his wife present. And in the end, it led to him learning about his mom’s diagnosis from an Instagram post.
More info: Reddit
Most people may have their principles; however, it's important to understand that sometimes keeping them too tight may bring a much worse outcome
Image credits: Hamann La (not the actual photo)
Woman explains that the issue started once her son married his wife, who didn’t get along with her daughter at all
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
After one BBQ, the daughter had had enough and complained to her mom, which her brother found out about and insisted that from then on, he would communicate with them only with his wife present
Image credits: Thirdman (not the actual photo)
However, the woman shared that she has breast cancer and has been informing her kids, but after she requested a private conversation with her son, she got no reaction
Image credits: u/Frosty-Sink-7675
So finally, after her first appointment, her daughter made an Instagram post, leading to her son’s outburst that he didn’t know anything about it
A few days ago, one Reddit user shared her story online, seeking to hear its members' opinions. She inquired if she in fact was being a jerk for letting her son find out that she has breast cancer over an Instagram post since he refused to talk with her alone. The post received quite a lot of folks’ attention, collecting almost 8K upvotes.
The original poster (OP) started her story by explaining that his son’s wife, who she called Becky, doesn’t get along with her daughter. During one BBQ, there was a breaking point for the daughter where she complained to her mom about Becky, but the son found out about it. Well, then he created new rules insisting that he would only communicate with his family if his wife was present.
However, while it was frustrating at times, the main issue appeared when the woman was diagnosed with breast cancer. OP pointed out that she informed the kids one by one, but after she texted her son that she wanted to talk with him alone, he insisted that she could speak with his wife present. After some consideration, the OP finally just chose to not tell him at all and he only found out after his sister posted a photo on Instagram wishing their mom luck.
The community members stood by the woman and shared their support, assuring her that she didn’t do anything wrong. “This post really highlights why I do not like blanket declarations such as ‘you have to always have your spouse's back, 100%, because they are your family now’ that I see on AITA all the time,” one user wrote. “DIL sounds like a manipulative person,” another added.
Image credits: Michelle Leman (not the actual photo)
“Everyone has different comfort levels for sharing important news (good or bad) on social media. Although some people publish family news discreetly on social media platforms, others are liberal, broadcasting minute and intimate details of their lives regularly,” shared Jennifer Williams, the founder of Heartmanity, with Bored Panda.
She added that for our closest and most cherished relationships, social media posts not only lack privacy but also the personalization that is only possible with one-on-one exchanges or in small groups. “A safe and private space for a personal conversation is especially critical for sad or tragic news so we can be present to one another compassionately. Otherwise, the emotional fallout can be an additional burden.”
We also asked Jennifer what may be the emotional effect on a parent who feels that they can’t have private conversations with their own child, like the OP in this story - “Even though I understand the desire to communicate one-on-one with grown children, we must also recognize that a spouse is now the primary person in a child’s life."
She emphasized that it actually sounds like her son’s request for solidarity with his wife was simply a reaction to hurt and an endeavor to protect her feelings. “Healing and the rebuilding of trust was needed; both the mom and son acted out of their hurt.”
And finally, while it may happen that a parent and their child’s relationship may change due to the influence of a new spouse, how should they deal with it? Well, Jennifer pointed out that to begin with, when an adult child marries, it’s crucial to understand that the relationship will never be the same. “There is no way parents can padlock their relationship with a child and freeze time.”
“There is a saying, ‘You cannot step into the same river twice.’ Nor can we step into the same relationship twice; each person and relationship is continually changing,” Jennifer noted. “This metamorphosis is particularly true with our children as they mature and have varied life experiences, one of which is to fall in love and marry.
Also, Jennifer highlighted that “The more we value a person, the more we need to value who and what is important to them.” But what is your take on this story? Who do you think was in the wrong here? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors supported the woman and shamed her son for his actions
