We’ve all heard of the “middle child syndrome.” And listen, I don’t want to ignore middle kids’ feelings, but hey, the order in which you were born does dictate a lot, and the oldest kid syndrome does come with a lot of responsibility.
More often than not, they have to act like third parents, expected to step up when needed — and, for the most part, it gives them lifelong knowledge they wouldn’t get otherwise, but also lifelong trauma, as is the case with today’s story. It is all about a son whose expectations that were placed on him were a bit too unrealistic and unfair, and he decided to put himself first once and for all.
Read more: Reddit
Every older kid is tasked with looking after their younger siblings, but usually not to the point where it affects their own future
Image credits: polya_olya / Magnific (not the actual photo)
In this household, the oldest son was not only tasked with looking after his siblings, but also to fully fend for himself in most aspects of life
Image credits: freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Meanwhile, his younger brothers were spoiled rotten with gifts, allowed to miss school, and had no future ambitions
Image credits: Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
So the older brother decided to set up a thorough plan and put it into action, and once he discovered he'd been accepted into college, he moved away as he reached adulthood
Image credits: EugenePetrunin / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Only leaving a brief note behind, the 18-year-old moved to Virginia with the help of his cousin, and informed the police he wasn't missing (just in case)
Image credits: freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Now thriving in university, the young adult was finally living his life for himself and not as his parents' built-in babysitter for his brothers
Image credits: vermenko.denis / Magnific (not the actual photo)
His parents, however, after trying to find his whereabouts, shared with their family what had happened, only to receive little to no support from them
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The 18-year-old decided to stay no-contact with his parents and brothers, all while keeping his extended and supportive family near during his college ventures
Today's story comes from the Original Poster, a 17-year-old who explains his plan to leave his toxic home. As he recounts, he’s the oldest of three brothers. The two youngest are 16 and 15 years old, and apparently, their parents have favored them their entire lives. Meanwhile, the OP says he was always placed at the bottom of their priorities for as long as he can remember.
While he was expected to excel in school, play multiple sports, and fend for himself by paying for his own necessities, his siblings apparently had the opposite upbringing. They weren’t expected to get jobs or go to college straight out of h**h school, and their parents even had money saved up to give them. Instead, the parents always expected the oldest brother to look after the two youngest.
This led the OP to harbor considerable resentment toward his parents, as much of his childhood was spent being his brothers’ keeper and an inevitable rival. So, the moment he found out he had been accepted to a college in Virginia, he started planning his escape, and when he turned 18, he put the plan into motion. He left home, leaving only a brief note behind, and went fully no-contact.
In a series of updates, the OP talks about thriving at university, sharing not only that he had great grades but also that he had a fulfilling social life. Meanwhile, his parents apparently lost it after losing their safety net, and once extended family members learned how they had treated the then-18-year-old, the parents were essentially ostracized. As for the OP, he stayed in touch with his extended family and lived happily ever after.
Image credits: vh-studio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, this kind of treatment toward a child is hardly rare. It’s a classic case of what experts call “parentification,” or the practice of forcing a child to take on adult responsibilities while growing up, including babysitting, cooking, and even working. While it may lead to h**h-achieving adults with ambitious goals, it can also lead to deeply anxious adults.
As for favoritism, it too has been extensively researched in psychology, often under the term “parental differential treatment.” While parents may adapt their parenting styles depending on each child’s needs, perceived parental favoritism is often tied to sibling resentment, depression, and a higher likelihood of c*****g contact in adulthood.
Moreover, while running away and going no-contact may seem extreme, research actually shows that 1 in 4 Americans are estranged from a family member. Rarely does this happen over a single disagreement, either. Instead, sociologists link it to the long-term effects of repeated actions that escalate over time. Granted, the teen could have talked to his parents, but according to his testimony, that never led anywhere.
For the most part, netizens praised the 17-year-old for his rational plan and his actions, including warning the police that he wasn’t missing. Others found it strange that he was treated so differently from his siblings and suggested there might have been a reason, although the OP never truly explains why. So, what do you think he should have done?
Netizens were mostly supportive of the 18-year-old, giving him advice on what to do by himself
