It’s understandable that parents want to give their children anything and everything they want in the world. That’s just how much they love them. However, what do you think will happen if there is no limit to it and the kids just keep on demanding things? Surely there comes a breaking point where the parent has had enough!
And such is the case with this netizen. She says that she resents her two sons because they keep demanding expensive things and making her pay for them. Frustrated by their behavior, the woman went online to seek advice.
More info: Mumsnet
Woman retired post cancer, says that she separated from her kids' dad 13 years ago, and as he struggled mentally, she was always the breadwinner in the family
Image credits: Emil Kalibradov (not the actual photo)
Her second marriage was to a wealthy man but he left her 18 months ago, so she was negotiating a divorce settlement that would cover her housing, while she'll live off her pension
Image credits: Toffeelover
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
She had her 3 kids late, and while she has always been a saver, she is shocked by the attitude of her 2 sons who are always demanding things
Image credits: Toffeelover
Image credits: Ryan Plomp (not the actual photo)
When she took them for their last family-paid holiday, they kept wanting to spend extravagantly on everything, while expecting her to pay for it
Image credits: Toffeelover
She is annoyed by their insistence on a lavish lifestyle and feels that they have been taking everything for granted
In today’s story, the main character speaks about how and why she resents her sons. She was a late mom who had three kids with her first husband. He had survived a serious illness due to which he struggled with depression and addiction. Because of this, she was riding solo while providing financially for the family; fortunately, she was a high earner. She mentioned how the father would always pamper the kids even when she tried to say ‘no’ to some of their demands.
One day, the couple separated and this was 13 years in the past. The original poster (OP) got married again to a wealthy man. As her life became better, even her kids got used to the lavish way of living. Post cancer, the woman has also taken retirement. However, 18 months ago, her second husband left her. Now, she's in the middle of a divorce settlement that will pay for her housing, while her pension will take care of her.
She went on to express that she has always been budget-minded and focused on saving. But when she looks at her 2 sons, it pains her to see how carelessly they expect her to spend on them. Looks like being pampered by the first husband and getting a luxurious lifestyle from the second husband made them forget the principles that their mother has lived by.
She took them on a family-paid vacation where they expected her to take them to expensive places and buy them meals worth €125- €150 per head and cocktails worth €20 each and downed many. That’s quite a hefty sum that they were asking from their retired mom. And when she tried to draw a line, they complained and said that she “acted like a poor person”. Ouch, that sounds hurtful!
No wonder the woman was annoyed by their extravagant demands. She also feels disappointed that they are not savers like her. It also stings her to think that she raised them better to value things, but here they are, taking things for granted. Disheartened by it, she says she resents them and is looking for advice online.
Image credits: BETZY AROSEMENA (not the actual photo)
Netizens said that she has to negotiate with her sons and not give in to all their whims and fancies. According to Verywell Family, “When you say no to your child, it’s important to show that you mean it. You can do so by giving a definitive answer, offering a short explanation, making it clear that you won’t cave in, and following through with consequences when necessary.”
To understand things from an expert’s perspective, Bored Panda reached out to Riddhi Shah, a psychologist at Manah Center For Mental Well Being. She said, “The very fundamental of parenting comprises some yes and no which helps children cope with the realities of the world. This helps in dealing with unfavorable situations much better. While saying 'no' to children, the tone, words used, and reasons given for the denial are of utmost importance.”
It looks like the woman should stay firm when denying extravagant things to her kids rather than providing them with their demands. And she seems to have tried it a little, but their father always gave them what they wanted. “When the parents say yes to everything, a sense of the world working only in one's favor develops. This could change the world view and taking rejections or denials starts seeming unfathomable to the children. Adding on, the value for things being deserving changes,” stated Riddhi.
We can assume from this that when the kids always get what they want, it can have an adverse impact on their perception of the world when it’s their turn to be adults and do things on their own. Many folks also said that she should set a limit to their expectations or set clear boundaries.
To cope with this, Riddhi also advised, “Teaching children boundaries using reinforcement and a positive response helps to imbibe the understanding of things not always going their way. Having a healthy reward system also helps to appreciate the value of things/services and develops respect for even the smallest things. Imbibing a value system along with accountability also goes a long way!”
That was quite insightful, wasn’t it? But now that you know the whole scenario, we want to read your input on the matter. All you have to do is scroll down and type away!
She vented online and the netizens asked her to say 'NO' to her entitled sons whenever they demand such things
