Never make promises you’re not completely sure you can keep. Especially if you’re making them for kids. Don’t think that “time will change everything” and that children will forget everything they were once told in a couple of years. No, the reality is much harsher, and over time, adults’ “forgetfulness” can only backfire.
For example, our narrator’s father and stepmother swore to him and his twin sister many years ago that they’d never force a “new parent” on them to replace their late mom, that they would always remember her. Well, a decade later, the adults were reminded of this vow…
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, the adults believe that promising something to the kids doesn't actually commit them to something, but it's definitely the wrong approach
Image credits: Freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is 17 years old now. A decade ago, he and his twin sis lost their mom, and then their dad remarried
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The new spouses vowed they'll never try to impose the stepmom as a replacement for the kids' late mom
Image credits: REDfox / Magnific (not the actual photo)
However, recently, the author's dad had to spend over half a year in a hospital, and the twins preferred to live with their grandparents during that period of time
Image credits: Street-Raspberry-199
It turned out that it deeply offended their stepmom, so she demanded apologies from the author and his sis, but they refused flatly
So, the Original poster (OP) tells us that he and his twin sister, “Robyn,” are 17 years old, and that they lost their mom 10 years ago. About a year later, their dad remarried another woman. The author and his sis were concerned that their dad and stepmom would force them to forget about their birth mother and force the man’s new wife on them as “a new mom.” Both adults promised they’d never do that.
Well, the years passed, our heroes got half-siblings, and overall, life was going quite well. The stepmom wasn’t exactly pushy and didn’t actually mind when the author and his sister occasionally spent time with their late mom’s parents. But then an incident occurred that changed everything. The father got in an accident that sent him to the hospital for four months, and then to rehab for three more.
The stepmom wanted the author and Robyn to stay with her and their half-siblings the entire time, and the younger kids begged for it, too - but our heroes went to live with their grandparents. No, they came home from time to time, but then they always returned to their grandma and grandpa’s house. It was only when the dad was discharged from rehab that they returned home.
This story apparently deeply affected the stepmom, who insisted the entire family undergo therapy and claimed that the OP and Robyn’s actions had “ruined their family unit.” The lady demanded an apology, but neither the OP nor his sis offered. The teen only reminded the dad and his wife of their long-standing promise not to impose excessive family ties on them.
Image credits: kues1 / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The issue of interaction between stepparents and stepchildren has actually always been a pressing one. According to Pew Research data, today in the United States, more than 17% of children under 18 live in blended families and are forced to adapt to some degree. Of these, 46% live with a parent and a stepparent, and 50% live without a stepparent but with at least one half-sibling.
Incidentally, the relationships between spouses in blended families are often less closely correlated with the bonds between stepparents and stepkids than one might assume. This study, published on the NIH website, notes that the best adaptation is when a stepparent doesn’t try to replace the child’s biological parent at all costs, but instead builds a warm, trusting relationship.
Indeed, as the authors of this article, the scientists from the University of Missouri, note, a child is unlikely to accept a role by command from above but will, consciously or unconsciously, gradually assess the safety and respectfulness of an adult’s behavior. So, the healthy way in a blended family is more about accepting stepparents as additional parents, not as substitutes, the source says.
Well, the vast majority of commenters also strongly sided with the author and his sister, claiming that the primary responsibility here fell on their father and stepmother, who, well, partially failed to fulfill it. Some responders even suggested that the teens could move in permanently with their grandparents. And what advice would you, our dear readers, give them?
Most people in the comments gave the teen their support, and actually put the blame for this situation on the author's dad and his wife
