8 Unsettling Signs “Soul Ties” Still Grip You

“Soul ties” is a concept circulating on the internet to describe the “unexplainable” spiritual, emotional, and physical connections between two people that seem to defy logic.

Sometimes romantic, other times rooted in deep friendships, trauma bonds, or even brief sexual encounters, the idea has gained traction on social media.

Yet despite its popularity, there’s minimal psychological literature addressing soul ties as a defined phenomenon.

Concepts of attachment theory, as developed by object relational psychotherapists and psychoanalysts, particularly in the work of John Bowlby in the late 1950s and 1960s, propose that infants exhibit specific attachment behaviors (such as emotional distress when caregivers are absent) as part of an evolved system ensuring survival and care (per Highgate Counselling).

These early relationships shape how we connect as adults, romantically and platonically. Some suggest these patterns can resemble what popular culture refers to as a “soul tie."

The phenomenon of neurons mirroring each other is a thoroughly studied mechanism. When we witness someone expressing emotion or taking action, our neurons reflect that behavior, enhancing empathy and connection.

From this perspective, emotional entanglements might stem more from biology than mysticism.

Why do we cry when someone else does? Why does witnessing another person’s pain stir a physical ache in us? The mirror neuron system (MNS) may explain this reflexive emotional response, according to a 2009 study published in the Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B.

The phenomenon of neurons mirroring each other is a thoroughly studied mechanism, first documented in monkeys and later explored in humans. These specialized brain cells activate when we act and observe someone else doing the same, as reported in an earlier study published in NeuroImage.

A groundbreaking experiment demonstrated that emotional pain can become so contagious that it physically registers in the brain.

In the study, romantic partners were monitored via brain scans. When one was shown a symbol indicating the other was experiencing pain, the observer’s pain matrix activated without direct physical stimulation.

This system enables empathy but can misfire. Judith Orloff, M.D., assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, warns that unregulated empathy can lead to emotional burnout (via Psychology Today).

In relationships where emotional co-regulation becomes constant and unbalanced, often labeled “soul ties,” boundaries tend to dissolve, leading to enmeshment and a loss of self.

While dreams about falling or teeth cracking are common, repeatedly dreaming about one specific person may indicate a lingering emotional bond or what some might call a “soul tie."

A 2014 study published in the Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports found that recurring dream imagery is shaped by the brain’s memory consolidation process during sleep. As memories are reactivated and integrated, they often surface as vivid, meaningful dreams.

“If we have recurring dreams of an ex-partner, we should take note that dreams are the royal road to the unconscious and wonder what it is about that person that might relate to our childhood or primary caregiver attachments,” said Dr. Sarah Meehan O’Callaghan.

Meanwhile, psychologist Dr. Veronika Matutyte explained that recurring dreams often reflect unresolved emotional attachments to individuals who are significant in our lives (per Glamour).

“Dreams featuring ex-partners delve into your romantic and emotional world,” Matutyte said.

“They can signify longing, unresolved emotions, or reflections on the current state of your romantic life.”

To better understand recurring dreams, Matutyte recommends keeping a journal to track repeating themes and emotions. She also suggests reflecting on your daily experiences to decode the symbolic meaning behind the dreams.

That sudden jolt in your stomach or spike in heart rate when someone mentions a certain person might not just be nerves. The somatic-marker hypothesis suggests that these emotional responses are the body’s way of guiding decision-making during uncertain or emotionally charged moments.

This occurs when physical signals, linked to past emotional experiences, are processed in higher brain regions, as explained in a 2006 study from the University of Cambridge.

Systematic desensitization therapy, developed in the 1950s by South African psychologist Joseph Wolpe, offers one method for easing these visceral reactions.

Tested initially on anxious cats at Wits University, the approach gradually exposes individuals to triggering stimuli while teaching them relaxation techniques, according to a 2011 study published in the Canadian Family Physician.

Today, it’s widely used for conditions like PTSD, social anxiety, and agoraphobia.

Reliving emotional pain after a breakup can signal more than just nostalgia it may reflect unresolved psychological tension.

As Seneca once observed, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality,” a sentiment that captures the impact of nagging rumination, a form of perseverative cognition in which the mind fixates on distressing thoughts.

According to a 2012 Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience study, this repetitive mental loop often deepens emotional discomfort.

Such ruminative thinking is frequently linked to intrusive thoughts and fractured self-perceptions resulting from relational trauma, as noted in an analysis reported by ERIC.

That same study found that intrusive beliefs like thinking one is unlovable explained 28% of the variance in breakup distress. Somatic symptoms added 8%, while lifestyle distractions accounted for an additional 2%.

Thinking about a past partner can sometimes foster growth and perspective. But when those memories stop you from forming healthy bonds with new people, they may act as barriers instead (per Psychology Today).

One possible explanation lies in oxytocin, the so-called “love hormone,” which is released into the bloodstream by the pituitary gland. While oxytocin strengthens attachment, residual traces after a breakup can skew attraction baselines and delay the ability to form secure new bonds, Harvard Health states.

The same hormone influences a wide range of social behaviors, from nurturing to anxiety (via Psychology Today).

To move forward, therapists often recommend drawing on what attachment theory calls “positive schemas,” mental frameworks that support healthier connections.

As Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, wrote: “A certain kind of nostalgia for your ex, the type that allows you to feel you’ve grown and matured, is what can carry over into your current relationship.”

If negative feelings of loss and regret continue to dominate, findings from the University of Kansas suggest redirecting that emotional energy into constructive activities that encourage personal growth.

If you find yourself repeatedly checking a former partner’s social media, you may be caught in a dopamine-driven feedback loop. This cycle reinforces itself through the brain’s reward system, creating a pattern that’s hard to break (per Monmouth University).

Although the brief dopamine rush can feel rewarding, studies show that compulsive tracking is strongly associated with breakup distress and persistent longing for ex-partners (via Psychology Today).

One study even found that when participants looked at pictures of their exes, the same brain regions linked to physical pain lit up.

Clinical psychologist Roxy Zarrabi suggests several strategies for breaking the cycle: delay the urge by five minutes, replace it with a planned activity, focus on why the relationship ended, journal or talk through suppressed feelings, and set firm digital boundaries by temporarily deactivating accounts or blocking your ex (per Psychology Today).

Picking up the very behaviors you once criticized in a partner may be explained by observational learning theory.

Introduced in the 1960s and 70s by psychologist Albert Bandura, the theory describes how people adopt new behaviors by watching others, remembering what they’ve seen, and later imitating it.

The process has been studied through mechanisms like rule-governed behavior, imitation, and reinforcement, including a 2011 study published in The Analysis of Verbal Behavior.

Identity fusion can also drive this adoption of unhealthy habits. When individuals feel a profound sense of “oneness” with a partner or group, they may internalize behaviors, good or bad, as part of their shared identity.

A paper from the Association for Psychological Science highlights how strongly fused people are more likely to take on these actions under emotional or social pressure.

The result is a spillover effect where negative habits transfer through observational learning and identity fusion, eroding individuality and reinforcing unhealthy dynamics.

Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., psychotherapist and faculty member in Barry University’s Department of Counseling, notes that while guilt can be intended as a moral compass, it often damages relationships and prevents people from honoring their own needs (per Psychology Today).

She explains that people-pleasers frequently assume responsibility for others’ emotions because they crave being needed. This dynamic pressures them into saying “yes” when they genuinely want to say “no.”

As Cohen adds, guilt convinces people they can ignore their needs and take on others’ burdens, but over time, this leads to exhaustion and imbalance.

Therapists often analyze this cycle through the lens of codependent dynamics, where one partner becomes “the giver” and sacrifices their well-being for a “taker” who relies on that pattern (via Psychology Today).