“She’s Basically Half-Dolphin”: 40 Things Couples Realized Only After Marriage

That my husband sings a different song every morning. We had lived with each other before we were married but it wasn’t until after we were married and moved into our new house that I started to realize he sings every single morning and it’s always different songs from all different decades. It’s one of the things I love the most about him."

I look forward to hearing what song he has chosen to shape his day around.

She's a great swimmer. One day, after we'd been married for about seven years, we joined a gym with a swimming pool. She challenged me to a race. Ok, I thought, I'm a pretty good swimmer. I was surprised when she offered me a half-length head start - and then doubly surprised when despite my massive head start she beat me easily. Apparently she used to be a competition swimmer at school. She's basically half-dolphin. But she'd never happened to mention it before.

My husband goes sock, shoe, sock, shoe instead of sock, sock, shoe, shoe. F*****g psychopath.

My husband loves telling this story. He is a big meat and potatoes guy. On our honeymoon, I told him that I was becoming vegetarian. It was something I’d been thinking about for awhile and couldn’t implement well while living with my parents.

When we got back from vacation, we fell into a routine where I did all the cooking. Turns out that he is lazier about cooking than he likes eating meat. Also, it turns out I’m a pretty good vegetarian cook. He now eats vegetarian whenever we are at home, and gets meat at restaurants when he goes out with his friends. He’s totally happy with it (truly!). It has been 10 years.

He’s the best.

Been together 20 years. Married for 17.

I’ve been telling the same “dad joke” since I was about 17. Whenever someone says something was “intense” I always respond with “like the circus?”. My wife has been rolling her eyes at it for nearly 20 years...until about 6 months ago.

I gave my lame response to her, but instead of rolling her eyes at me they got really big, like I saw the lightbulb go off, then she chuckled.

She never got the joke until then.

She farts.

She had always farted around me. No big deal. Usually she kept it to little toots unless she was sick or drunk then it would be loud like mine.

I don't mind it's nature.

But holy f**k she unleashed an a*s trumpet that would put college marching bands to shame.

She can be across the house and I can hear her a*s.

That the whole mr nice guy, mr sweet kind, generous, compassionate thing was a mask, an act, a disguise and camouflage in order to lure me in, in order to possess and control me. Then after we got married the mask came off. I was too naive to recognize the red flags before hand and fell into the trap. He faked being exactly the type of person that I wanted him to be, it was devastating to discover that the person I fell for never actually existed. Thank goodness I escaped. He was a true horror underneath.

He’s a superstar on the dance floor. I was completely stunned as he danced circles around everyone to an 80’s playlist.

How much I love her. It keeps getting better.

That the night before we go away on a trip, he will not sleep the entire night and I can hear his face smile against the pillow because he is excited."

Also when he rubs his eyes they squeak which is quite alarming when you first hear it.

We were together nine years before we were married!

He absolutely cannot be trusted with desserts in the house. Back when we were engaged he’d give me time to eat my half of the ice cream or Oreo package or whatever we had on hand... now? I’m sitting here eating thin mints from a stash from under frozen veggies in our outside freezer.

I have a friend who was born and raised in Romania in a relatively poor family. His favourite section of a loaf of bread was the crusts on ether end (possibly even his favourite food in general) so when he got married (to a woman from Australia) he started leaving the crusts for her because they’re the best so he wanted her to have them. Well typically in Australia we throw away the end crusts, so when my friend left them she assumed he didn’t want them ether and threw them away. They were married for years before he caught her tossing them and got confused.

I was the kid that my dad never told his new wife about. They had 3 kids together before she found out about me. My struggling mom filed for financial assistance, and when they found out she wasn't getting child support for me, they tracked my dad down easily through his government job and started docking his wages. I was 12. And that's how he had to tell his wife about this glaring omission from his past.

That my husband's anxiety is as bad as my own. It's actually refreshing because we know exactly how to help each other out when the other one's anxiety gets bad.

My mom found out my dad was a compulsive liar when his twin sister didn't show up to their wedding. When questioned about it he said she must have imagined the dozens of stories he had told about his twin sister. He is an only child.

He's really good at doing household chores. Between us, I do all the cooking and he cleans up. He even makes sure the cutlery air dries on a cloth before wiping down the water stains. He developed a cleaning procedure to make sure the black marble kitchen top is spotless. He never ever leaves the dishes for the next day no matter how late the dinner ends (which can be really late when we entertain guests)

Also, he has a fondness for the latest household gadgets. The robotic vacuum cleaner was a really good buy - now he's eyeing an electric lock so we will never need to carry our keys again.

She makes PB&J sandwiches by mixing the PB and J in a separate bowl before spreading it on the bread. Pure savagery. 

We moved to New England after we had been married two weeks. When we got there, I found that my husband's name there is "Larry", not Jim, as I had always known him. Because there were so many men named Jim in his family, they called him by his middle name. Now, 49 years later, I still haven't gotten used to that name. He just doesn't seem like a Larry to me. I renamed him "Shamus" since that is his name in Irish, which he is. So, he now goes by three names. His 60th birthday cake read "Jim/Larry/Shamus". Life is strange.

I’m happily divorced now (almost 12 years now that I do the math), but after we got married I learned that she viewed her money as her money and my money as our money. Which was interesting because before we got married my money was our money and she didn’t have money to speak of. Not that I was even making good money. But after we got married she got a well paying job and suddenly her money was hers and mine wasn’t mine. It didn’t last long after that.

My wife didn't know lambs were baby sheep. She thought they were different animals entirely. She figured this out at a baby shower while playing a game to match baby animals (words only, no photographs) with their adult counterparts. Needless to say, lamb chops are no longer an acceptable dinner option.