Any family, any parenthood, no matter whether biological or not, consists of three most important factors. How the ancients believed that the Earth stood on three pillars. And the names of these pillars are: responsibility, support and love. And not a drop of hypocrisy.
Well, the user u/Melodic-Walk8537, the author of the story we're going to tell you today, had the chance to live with her stepfather almost her entire life. Who, on the one hand, took care of her, but on the other, never missed the opportunity to emphasize that she was not his biological daughter. And here's what it all turned into...
More info: Reddit
The author of the post will be getting married soon, and her grandpa will be the one who walks her down the aisle
Image credits: Asad Photo Maldives (not the actual photo)
It turned out that the author's stepfather has been always trying to emphasize she's not his biological daughter
Image credits: u/Melodic-Walk8537
Image credits: Josh Willink (not the actual photo)
However, the guy took for granted that the girl should call him 'dad' and treat him like a real dad too
Image credits: u/Melodic-Walk8537
When the author made her decision over the upcoming wedding, the man took offense and claimed that she owes him so much for all these years
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 24 years old today, she's getting married soon - and her grandpa will walk her down the aisle. And this despite the fact that for 23 years now, the author has had a stepdad and several siblings. Yes, the OP's mom met her now-husband when her daughter was just 1 year old, and they've been living together ever since.
It cannot be said that the stepdad was a bad person - he always took a responsible attitude towards raising his stepdaughter, he took an active part in her upbringing... but he always made it clear that she was not his own child.
When asked how many children he had, he always clarified that the OP was his stepdaughter. When he talked to the OP's younger sister, he used to call her "my first baby girl," and the author's half-brother, accordingly, was always "his first-born."
The original poster always took this very painfully - and once, when she was eight, she even asked her stepfather to “adopt her,” but the man immediately changed the topic of conversation. Perhaps because the conversation was witnessed by the girl's grandparents.
Interestingly, the stepfather himself always liked it when the OP called him “dad,” and once, already in adolescence, when she didn't correct one of her friends who addressed him as “her stepdad,” he was even offended by this. And when the author reasonably noted that he always distances himself from her, for some reason he tried to explain that “this is a completely different matter.”
And so, on the eve of her wedding, our heroine made her final decision - her grandpa would lead her to the altar. The stepfather again did not miss the moment to express his indignance to her. But the author recalled how he joyfully told his friends about the weddings of “his two little girls,” and not three.
According to the original poster, it is pure hypocrisy to always emphasize that she's not his real daughter, but at the same time demand that he should be treated like her own dad. In response, she heard that she supposedly didn't understand the meaning of this word - and that after all that he had done for her, he had the right to expect appreciation. But the OP was really adamant in her decision anyway.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
“For some reason, many people, entering into a relationship with a partner who already has a child, sincerely believe that by doing so, they are doing them some kind of favor. And that the very fact that they are taking care of this child makes them some kind of moral debtor," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “This is fundamentally wrong, but, alas, it happens, and quite often.”
“In fact, part of the responsibility for this situation lies with the mother of this woman, who initially allowed her spouse to treat her daughter this way. And then, after the birth of their common children, she gave him the opportunity to draw a line between 'his' and 'not his'. Perhaps she was afraid for the future of her relationship, but what is such a relationship worth when your kid suffers?"
"In any case, this woman did exactly the right thing by confronting her stepfather's double standards. In the end, he got exactly what he always insisted on. The daughter is not his - and it's not he who will walk her down the aisle. Justice has prevailed - even after several decades," Irina ponders.
And, you know, to say that people in the comments were outraged by this behavior of the author’s stepfather is actually to say nothing. Our heroine received full approval for her actions, and her stepdad was subjected to devastating criticism.
"You made the right choice to ask your gramps to walk you," one of the responders wrote. "Your stepdad and your mom sound ridiculous for not understanding how his comments and behavior growing up affected you."
And some people do believe that the stepfather doesn't even deserve an invitation to the wedding, after more than two decades of his hypocrisy. "Does he mean the things all responsible adults give their children and step children? Food, shelter, clothing, etc.? That's their job, it's what we sign up for when we become parents/step parents," another commenter added. "Geez... send him a hallmark thank you card and call it a day." So do you, dear readers, agree with this viewpoint?
People in the comments, however, literally bashed the stepdad and said that the author was completely right in her decision
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
