As we all at this point are aware - family relationships are tricky. And the relationships between stepparents and stepchildren are no exception. Just like in today's story. In it, a man has never been properly acknowledged as a stepfather by his stepdaughter, as she always let him know that he is quite meaningless in her life. But when she and her family ended up in financial trouble, she turned to him for help. Yet, the help he offered wasn't good enough for her.
More info: Reddit
What to do when someone asks you for help, but then gets dissatisfied with the help you provide?
Image credits: Binyamin Mellish (not the actual photo)
Ever since the man married his now late wife, his stepdaughter never acknowledged him as a stepfather, and thought of him as only her mom's husband, nothing more
Image credits: Ignation Kourouvasilis (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Brett Sayles (not the actual photo)
But when the stepdaughter got into some financial troubles and needed a place to stay, she asked for her stepdad's help, which he provided, but his offer wasn't good enough for her
Image credits: Any Lane (not the actual photo)
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She asked to move into her stepfather's basement suite, but for her to move in, his children would need to move out from there, so he offered her two rooms upstairs, which didn't satisfy her
The OP and his late wife had two children during their marriage. Also, she had two other children from before - Juana and Iago, which were the post author's stepchildren. Sadly, in the man’s opinion, the father of his two stepchildren isn’t a good person. For example, he rarely paid child support. Or during one Christmas, he took the OP’s gift for Iago, switched the label, and said it came from him. The post’s author never said anything, as he didn’t want to start drama in front of the kids.
Both children, especially Juana, love their dad, as he can do no wrong in their eyes. When Juana was getting married, her father walked her down the aisle, while her stepfather paid for everything and wasn’t even recognized on the invitation. The OP didn’t say anything in this case either, as he stated that this wedding wasn’t about him. Then, later, when Juana had her first child, she kind of told her stepfather that he wasn’t going to be a grandfather - he was just her mom’s husband.
At least the OP has a bond with his other stepchild - Iago. For example, since the OP’s wife and stepchildren's mother died, Iago still comes to visit and catch up with him. He even introduced his fiancé and hand-delivered a wedding invitation to him.
At the same time, since the mother’s passing, Juana has never contacted her stepfather. In fact, the last time they saw each other was at the funeral. However, recently, Juana’s family went through some financial troubles and lost their house. So, since they needed a place to live, she called her stepfather and asked to move in. But it wasn’t a simple ask to move in - she requested to have the basement suite in the OP’s house, where his kids are currently living.
Naturally, the man said no to such a request - he wasn’t about to kick his children out of their area to accommodate her. Instead, he offered her two rooms upstairs, but she didn’t want them, as only the basement suite would work for her.
And the stepfather seems to be the only person from her family Juana can ask for such a favor from, as her father can’t help because he lives in a bachelor's apartment, his brother lives in another city and the mother is dead. Even though Juana doesn’t shy away from using this card - she argued that if mom were alive, she would want her to have that basement suite.
But the OP is standing strong with his decision - he’s not going to budge and move his teenage children from their space to accommodate someone who doesn’t even like him. After all, she can take the upstairs rooms he offered.
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And people online are fully supportive of his decision. They said that they too wouldn’t want to let someone disrupt their and their family's life just to accommodate her. Especially after that someone let them know that they’re not an irreplaceable part of their life for sure. Some netizens even went to the extent of saying the OP should take away his offer of two rooms as well, as providing help only enables her.
Enabling is the act of a person fixing someone else’s problems in a way that stunts growth and responsibility. Children need to learn to take risks in order to grow as people. Overcoming certain challenges grows their confidence and makes them more independent. And if they aren’t exposed to these challenges, they can struggle to become a self-reliant adult.
- Helicopter parenting;
- Paying for everything;
- Feeling as taken advantage of;
- No respect from the child;
- Questioning if you’re a bad parent.
Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to nip the enabling in the bud. One of them can be family therapy. Also, some methods can be applied outside of therapy: for example, educating yourself on codependency, setting boundaries, learning to say no, and many more. Many of these tips are worth considering to avoid your child growing into an entitled person like the OP’s stepdaughter. Because let's be honest - netizens were right to imply she's been enabled too much in her life to the extent that she became quite an insufferable person to provide help to.
Folks on the internet fully support the stepfather's decision not to uproot his life in order to fulfill the wishes of his stepdaughter who doesn't even like him
