Some of us are more familiar with controlling households than others. My own parents had really strict rules about staying out late or finishing my homework before I was allowed to use the computer.
But some parents take things to extremes, and it isn’t uncommon for people to share stories about the strict household rules their families enforced. In today’s story, it wasn’t even the biological parent setting the rules — it was a woman’s stepfather, who decided he needed full control over everyone in the house, until she finally had enough.
Read more: Reddit
It isn't always easy to accept your parents' new partners, but it becomes way more difficult if the person in question is toxic to you
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Magnific (not the actual photo)
A woman was living with her mom, sibling, and step-dad, and while she deeply cared for her mom, the father figure in question was incredibly controlling
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The two would constantly argue since they met, and it only got increasingly worse as time went on and as he became more paranoid and controlling
Image credits: artfolio / Magnific (not the actual photo)
He enforced rules that the women weren't allowed to speak their native language, or have doors closed, and one day the narrator snapped and said she didn't want him in her life
Image credits: BigONerd
Not long after, she moved back to her home country, where she reunited with her dad and discovered that her mom was divorcing the man
The Original Poster (OP) in today’s story is a 19-year-old woman who explains that she’s had a rocky relationship with her stepfather from the moment they met. Apparently, her mom and the man were each other’s first relationship, but after they broke up, they didn’t reconnect until decades later. The mother later divorced the OP’s dad and married the 51-year-old man who is now her stepdad.
The three live with one of the OP’s siblings, and, as she explains, the man is extremely controlling and has imposed several household rules. These include not speaking their native language (because he feared they would badmouth him since he couldn’t understand it), not closing any doors, and not allowing the 19-year-old to talk on the phone with her biological dad because he could only understand their native language.
Unsurprisingly, these rules led to arguments. The woman says they argued so often that they eventually started doing it in front of her mom, who seemed determined not to take sides. After one particularly bad discussion, during which the stepdad brought up a sensitive topic, the OP told him she had no intention of keeping him in her life. Afterward, her mom was apparently very upset by the situation.
In a series of comments and an update, the OP explained that she was planning to move into her own apartment, which she eventually did. Later, she also moved back to her home country, cut off all contact with her stepdad, and started therapy. She then learned that her mother had decided to divorce him. While she still can’t fully forgive her mother for not standing up for her, things seem to have worked out in the end.
Image credits: pvproductions / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Now, the man's actions are concerning, to say the least, especially considering he was trying to control not only the OP but also his own wife for speaking their native language. Psychologists often point out that controlling partners may use language barriers and physical boundaries to control and isolate those around them, stripping them of their agency and limiting access to outside support.
Although less blatant, the mom’s neutrality and passivity can also be seen as a form of parental betrayal that many people would struggle to forgive or forget. Research has shown that when a parent remains passive during an authority figure’s mistreatment, it can damage the parent-child bond and sometimes leave a deeper emotional scar than the actions of the controlling person themselves.
Now, the OP has already taken major steps to protect both her physical safety and emotional well-being. However, with her mother finalizing the divorce, there may be pressure to simply forgive everything that happened. Mental health pros generally suggest that when a parent fails to fulfill their role, it’s up to the victim, in this case, the OP, to maintain whatever boundaries make them feel safe and comfortable.
To absolutely no one’s surprise, netizens were completely flabbergasted by the man’s sense of entitlement, but even more so by the biological mother’s actions. From failing to defend her daughter to only divorcing the man after the OP had moved out, commenters relentlessly pointed out what they saw as her mistakes. In the end, if you were in the narrator’s shoes, would you try to rebuild your relationship with your mom?
Netizens believe the divorce was a result of the man's controlling nature now being directed at the mom, now that he didn't have the 19-year-old in the house
