Stepparents are always portrayed as evil villains in books, television, and movies. They’re shown as people who go out of their way to treat their stepchildren badly. In real life, that isn’t always the case, because there are loving and kind stepparents, too, who care for their families.
But, as with anything in this world, there is a small percentage of people who fit the bad stereotypes. One such story was shared by a teen on Reddit whose stepmother had such a bad relationship with his bio mom that it started causing problems.
More info: Reddit
Demanding stepmother doesn’t want teen’s biological mother to attend his graduation, boy takes a stand
Image credits: Anastasiya Lobanovskaya (not the actual photo)
Teen shared that his dad had an affair with his mom’s work rival and eventually got married to her
Image credits: Gabriel Tovar (not the actual photo)
During their marriage, the stepmom experienced 3 miscarriages, one of which led to infertility, which is why she wanted to spend even more time with her stepson
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 (not the actual photo)
This led to a feud between the teen’s biological mother and the stepmother, they would avoid each other and make sure never to be in the same room together
Image credits: u/NoiseHot3537
When the poster was graduating from high school, his stepmom told him not to invite his mother, he took a stand for his mom and instead told his stepmom “just don’t come”
The Original Poster (OP) is an 18-year-old boy who was forced to choose sides when his stepmother told him his mother shouldn’t attend his graduation. Many times before that incident, his dad and stepmom would say negative things about his biological mom in an effort to make him hate her. But the teen tried his best to stay neutral until his stepmother tried to cause drama.
Research has found that 102 million adults have a steprelationship which is either as a stepparent, a step or half sibling, or a stepchild. Around 13% of adults are stepparents. Being a stepparent isn’t an easy job, and it can be easy to get swept up in the emotions of different situations. This can cause tensions in the relationship and the connection that people have with their stepchildren.
A study by Emmanuel Botwe of the City University of New York (CUNY) found that children from stepfamily households are likelier to be depressed and anxious and face difficulty making and keeping friends compared to children who live with two biological or adoptive parents. But an interesting thing to note in his research is that children from wealthy households with stepparents were less likely to experience negative child health outcomes.
There are many ways that stepparents can create a healthy and loving atmosphere for the children in the house. To understand how to do this, we reached out to Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, PsyD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, and author of Mommy Burnout. We asked her how a stepparent could integrate themselves into a child’s life without overstepping boundaries. She stated: “There is no one single right way to define the role of a stepparent. It should, however, be a part of ongoing talks between the parents before blending homes and families.”
Research on stepparenting has also found that all parents need to put as much effort and time into their relationship with the child as they possibly can. They need to equally prioritize their relationship with the kid and the connection they have with their partners.
Dr. Sheryl also mentioned, “I have worked with families who don't discipline each other’s kids almost at all. Some go into it wanting to be like a trusted adult or friend, and some go into it taking on the role as a primary parent. The circumstances of the marriage, ages of the kids, involvement of the other parent, and the relationships between family members should really guide the stepparent.”
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Along with creating a happy and positive environment for the child to flourish, the biological parents and their new partners should work on their connections with each other. Trouble and turmoil between parents and stepparents can ultimately affect the child’s sense of self and their emotions.
According to the Raising Children Network, “the child’s other parent might need time to adjust to your role in their child’s life. It can be easier if you don’t have much involvement with this person, at least at first. If the child’s other parent is happy to discuss things with you, and you and your partner feel OK with that, that’s fine too. Over time you might get to know and like the child’s other parent and feel comfortable enough to share events like children’s birthdays or graduation celebrations.”
When we asked Dr. Sheryl how a stepparent can have a healthy relationship with the child’s biological parent, she said: “It depends on the circumstances under which the previous marriage or relationship ended, it depends on whether that parent is accepting and supportive of the new marriage, and the child’s feeling about the new stepparent will also often strongly dictate how the other parent feels. Given all of those challenges, this is a very worthwhile relationship to establish and maintain.”
“What I have observed is that the less the other parent feels threatened, the more respected they feel, and the more considerate the new stepparent is of everyone’s roles, the more likely it is to go well. Communication is key to making this happen. And it’s one of the best and healthiest things you can do for the children,” she also added.
Stepparenting is no easy task, but that doesn’t mean they should take out their frustration on the kids or the other people involved. The poster’s stepmom crossed boundaries by telling him to uninvite his mother. People were outraged for the OP and the post received 12k upvotes and 1.5k comments. Do you think the teen was justified in what he said to his stepmom? Share your thoughts below.
People could not believe the audacity of the stepmom, and many also stated that the father should have set proper boundaries instead of staying silent
