When two families come together, there might be friction at first, but eventually, people start to adjust to one another and get along well. Sometimes, though, authoritarian stepparents may want to exert dominance over their stepkids, which can actually end up tearing the family apart.
This is what a teenager experienced because her stepmother had come up with a whole list of rules to govern her life. She felt helpless and was forced to follow every single one of them because her father wasn’t willing to do anything.
More info: Reddit
Controlling parents may end up making their kids’ lives miserable with all of their strict rules and regulations
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster had liked her stepmom until she moved in, because after that, she set many restrictions on her clothing, friendships, and Internet access
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The stepmom pitted her husband against his other daughter, destroyed precious items related to the kids’ mom, and disregarded their need for privacy
Image credits: Miserablelife05
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In an update post, the teen said that she couldn’t deal with her stepmom’s behavior anymore and wanted to move in with her aunt instead
Image credits: Elena Helade / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When the poster’s dad realized she might move out, he spoke to his wife, who didn’t apologize but loosened some of her control on the teen
Image credits: Miserablelife05
Apart from the controlling nature of the stepmom, she also wanted to set the 16-year-old up with someone, and said she’d enroll her on a dating app
It seems like the poster’s stepmom had been pretending to be nice and understanding right up until she moved in with them. After that, she set a crazy list of rules for the teen to follow, all of which pertained to her safety, including what she could wear, who she could speak to, and how much time she could spend online.
The problem is that the poster’s own dad agreed with all of these commands and didn’t see anything wrong with his daughter being controlled to such an extent. That’s why the teen found herself in a helpless situation, where she couldn’t do anything she wanted to, and had to follow her stepmom’s directives.
It’s difficult to know how to navigate tricky blended family relationships like this, which is why Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Becky Whetstone, a licensed marriage and family therapist, for her opinion. She said that “no human thrives under strict controls, and rigidity is one of the most traumatizing things that a child can encounter in the home.”
Dr. Becky explained that children only thrive when they are able to be themselves, with age-appropriate freedoms given along the way. Those privileges should only be withdrawn if misused by the child. In this particular situation, it seems like the stepmom was restricting her daughter’s freedom even before she had the chance to do anything.
Most parents want to prepare their children for adulthood by gradually giving them independence, but if they strip that away early on, it might result in stunted growth. Dr. Becky also said, “The teen knows that what is happening in the home is unreasonable; therefore, she will resent it. I wouldn't be surprised if she leaves home at the earliest age possible, and never comes back.”
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Apart from all of the stepmom’s strict rules, she also seemed to resent her husband’s deceased wife, which is why she threw all of the other woman’s possessions away. All of these actions show that the stepmother was trying to assert her dominance over the family and control as much as she could.
That’s why, when the teen vented about her dad’s new wife online, people poured in with support and told her to move out as soon as she could. She wondered about moving in with her aunt, but when her dad found out about her idea, he tried to right the situation to some extent. This didn’t go as well as expected, but it forced the stepmom to loosen her rules a bit.
Unfortunately, the OP might not be able to change this dysfunctional dynamic on her own, but Dr. Becky said that family therapy might be the solution. “A therapist will be able to spot the dysfunction and educate the parents. They would also likely encourage the family to educate themselves about healthy stepfamily dynamics,” she added.
In an ideal situation, Dr. Becky explained that “the father should be the one who parents his daughter. The stepmother should be a friend, someone kind, that the child can come to if needed for emotional support, but the relationship should go at the child's pace, and not be forced.”
Hopefully, the dynamic of this family changes over time, and the teen is able to live a life of independence without worrying about her stepmom’s iron fist. Do you have any suggestions for what she could do in the meantime? Do share your thoughts in the comments.
Folks were shocked by how evil the teen’s stepmom was and urged her to get out if she could
