Did you get any allowance for doing chores as a child? I didn't. Money was tight in my family when I was a kid, so I had to find various part-time jobs from my teen years to have some pocket money. But the kids in our tale today were a little luckier financially.
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In fact the story we're about to tell you today, from the user broodymamma, actually evokes mixed feelings. On the one hand, the mom here is concerned about her children getting paid for doing chores for their pregnant aunt. On the other hand, she seems quite petty here. However, let's just cut to the chase and read on.
More info: Mumsnet
Giving your kids regular allowance is great, helping your relatives is no less great - so why not combine these two virtues?
Image credits: Karola G / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is the mom of 9, her elder kids are teens - and their auntie, the author's SIL, is pregnant with her fifth child
Image credits: broodymamma
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The mom-to-be asked the author to let her elder kids come and help her around the house for some pay - and they all agreed
Image credits: broodymamma
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Then, one day, the SIL told she can't afford paying any more - but the author responded she won't send her kids to help her then
Image credits: broodymamma
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman admits that their family actually is rather tight on money at the moment, so her decision is mostly based on this
Image credits: broodymamma
The author took heat for this decision both from the SIL and her own husband and decided to take it online seeking for support
So, the Original Poster (OP) says she has a large family - nine kids in total - and that the older ones are very responsible. So, when her SIL, a mom of four herself and pregnant with her fifth child, asked her niblings to come help her around the house for a reasonable fee, they happily agreed.
The SIL's eldest child is seven years old, and they all were just thrilled to have their cousins visit regularly and spend time with them. The author created a schedule for visiting the auntie for the kids, and it came to about £25 ($30) a week for 10 hours total. The mom thought these were perfectly reasonable terms.
No, the kids would’ve been happy to help for free too - especially since they’re on good terms with their aunt, who used to help the OP too (though, our heroine notes, she later repaid her in other ways). But money has been tight in the family lately, so she's glad the kids now have the opportunity to get some pocket money.
So, when the SIL later frankly admitted that she couldn't afford to pay the children for their help any more, the author told her that if that happened, they wouldn't come anymore too. The SIL, of course, was upset, and the OP’s husband even told that the spouse was being mean. So the lady decided to take this online, seeking advice and support.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It should be noted that experts actually have different opinions on whether or not to give children allowances for chores. For example, the authors of this dedicated article on the Mommy's Little Helper note that paying children for chores in fact teaches them the value of money, motivates them to help, and fosters independence as well.
On the other hand, there are also numerous shortcomings: it may promote the "pay me" mentality in children, can actually undermine teamwork, and might not be sustainable long-term. The opponents of this concept also argue that giving kids allowances for chores can lead to arguments. For example, as in the situation we described.
"A considerable number of studies have found that children and adults alike are less successful at many tasks when they're offered a reward for doing them - or for doing them well," Happy Family quotes Alfie Kohn's book "Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason." And well, our case today isn't about helping own family, but rather relatives.
So what do people in the comments to the original post think about this? Well, most commenters noted that the author seems more petty than reasonable. Especially considering that the SIL helped her for free before. Perhaps the most logical advice from the responders was to let the kids decide for themselves what to do. So what do you, our dear readers, think about this story?
Most commenters, however, noted that the author sounds quite petty here, and also urged her to let her kids decide for themselves
