Any family goes through its rough patches, but blended family relationships come with even more challenges. Trying to keep the peace can be a full-time job, especially when step kids and stepparents don’t always see eye to eye.
One teen got sick of his mom always putting his troubled stepsister first, so he moved out. Now his mom is begging him to come back home and calling him stubborn for refusing to. Frustrated, he turned to netizens to ask if staying away is a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
Blended family life can come with unique challenges, as this teen is finding out the hard way
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Three years after his dad passed away, his widowed mom met a new man who unfortunately came with a troubled 9-year-old daughter
Image credits: Михаил Крамор / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The daughter would act out in crazy ways, eventually turning to narcotics and alcohol when she was just thirteen
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After yet another disturbing incident, the teen called CPS and had himself legally removed from the family’s house
Image credits: RockyNoni9x9
Now his mom is begging him to move back home and calling him stubborn, so he’s turned to netizens to ask if staying away makes him a jerk
OP begins his story by telling the community that his dad died when he was four, but his mom met someone new when he was seven. The new guy, James, came with a 9-year-old daughter, Emma, who OP says had mental health struggles even back then. According to him, Emma was tough to be around and constantly having meltdowns.
When James and Emma moved in, things only got worse. Some days Emma would have violent outbursts and threaten self-harm, even trying to break a door down or smash up a room. OP adds that Emma started taking narcotics and drinking when she was 13, which did nothing to help.
Well, when Emma was 15, she wrecked her dad’s car and caused other damage. This led to the police coming around and having CPS remove her and place her in a mental institution. After that, she went to live with a therapy foster family for a few months, but still came to visit, which was something OP hated.
Six months ago, there was another incident, so OP had himself legally removed from the house, on the condition that he’d have a 30-minute call with his mom once a week. According to OP, his mom uses these calls to try and manipulate him into moving back home. Now that he’s flatly refused, she’s calling him stubborn, prompting him to ask netizens if him staying away is, in fact, a jerk move.
It would definitely seem that OP’s mom is destined to keep putting him last in the blended family equation. In addition, she’s acting rather entitled and more than a little narcissistic by expecting him to move back in under less-than-ideal conditions. So, what can he do to deal with her? We went looking for answers.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In her article for Psychology Today, Claire Jack (Ph.D.) writes that parents who are high in narcissism tend to assign “roles” to their children because, in contrast to allowing their children to develop into autonomous people, narcissists are driven by a need to control others.
According to Jack, although narcissistic parents tend to be control freaks, they can also be neglectful and lazy, as they are ultimately more focused on their own needs than those of their children.
OP’s situation seems to be a classic case of the “Forgotten Child”, which happens when parents prioritize one sibling over another. In her article for Learning Mind, Sherrie Hurd writes that the role of the “Forgotten Child” or “Lost Child” in a dysfunctional family is quite different from other abusive roles in that it isn’t loud or doesn’t hog the spotlight.
In adulthood, individuals who were "Lost Children" might grapple with challenges such as establishing intimate relationships, asserting themselves, and recognizing their own needs. They may also exhibit a strong sense of independence, sometimes to the point of avoiding reliance on others, stemming from their early experiences of neglect.
It seems that OP is undergoing the transformation from “Lost Child” to finally finding himself and respecting his own needs. Unless some firm boundaries are put in place, his mom can probably forget about him coming home for quite some time.
What would you do if you were in OP's shoes? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers swiftly concluded that the teen was not being a jerk and slammed the mom for always putting her stepdaughter’s needs first
