When I ask a man a question, as soon as he answers me, I say ‘Are you sure?’ And then I google it right in front of them. I address all correspondence to married people as Mrs. and Mr. Cameron Clyne. If a man tells me he’s interested in a topic, I say something really obvious about that topic and then pretend I’m teaching him some kind of state secret. I always frame acknowledgement of a man’s accomplishments through the lens of being surprised he was competent enough to do it. I encroach on men’s personal space in public and pretend I’m oblivious to the situation. If I see a man doing something, I approach him and ask ‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’ If a man asks me to do something for him, I ask him to start the task for me, and then I ask him for really obvious help at every stage of the task. And when the task is finished, I act like I’ve done the entire thing myself and I expect praise. When a man tries to interrupt me while I’m busy and make me listen to him, I finish what I’m doing. When I stop, I make eye contact with him and confidently say ‘I was busy, so I wasn’t listening to you’. You’re going to need to repeat yourself. I don’t say ‘thank you’ to compliments from men. I just agree with them. I use the word ‘no’ as a full sentence. And then when a man asks me to justify why I said no, I say that sentence again. When I greet a couple, I make eye contact with and greet the woman first and begin speaking to her. And I will not address the man or make eye contact with him or even acknowledge him unless he’s introduced to me. I won’t offer men help unless they ask and then I act like I don’t want to do it and I get up and help, but I complain the whole time and make the entire task really unpleasant for everybody. When a couple has a baby, I assume the father is going to quit his job to stay home and raise it. I introduce men as so-and-so’s boyfriend, so and so’s son always in relation to the woman that I know closest to them. Never addressed, here’s John. I’m sorry, sir, did the middle of my sentence barge in on the beginning of yours again? In any situation where you would typically say ’Ladies and gentlemen, I just say ‘ladies’, I only give men thoughtless generic gifts, and if they don’t like it, I act like they’re ungrateful. I like to invalidate a man’s feelings by pretending I’m too incompetent to understand them. When men get upset, I tell them that they’re not capable of rational or logical thought while they’re so emotional and to talk to me again when they’re calm and in control of themselves. I tell men that their college degrees don’t actually make them an expert in their field.