Relationships come in all shapes, however unconventional they may be. Sugar dating, for example, is becoming less and less taboo. A survey by online dating site Sugar Daddy For Me found that only 32% of women and 26% of men in its community would hide their relationships from family and friends.
But these types of relationships can sometimes take an unexpected turn. One sugar baby recently shared online how her partner proposed to her. "I like him," she wrote, relaying how messy the situation has gotten. Conflicted about what to do, the young woman sought advice online.
To find out more about "sugar" relationship dynamics, Bored Panda reached out to psychotherapist Rachel Wright. She specializes in relationships, intimacy, and mental health, and kindly agreed to lend us her expertise about sugar dating. Read her insights about this story below!
A sugar baby posted a confession online about how her daddy proposed to her
Image credits: Shivi / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She asked people to offer advice on whether she should say "Yes"
Image credits: Yunus Tuğ / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daniel Martinez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The young woman later posted an update, claiming that she decided to keep their relationship as it is
Image credits: stroberimilkk
"A sugar relationship still requires relationship skills," psychotherapist Rachel Wright points out
There are many misconceptions about the relationship dynamics in sugar dating. Some people may think that it's merely transactional for both parties, yet the reality can often be different.
Rachel Wright, LMFT, explains to Bored Panda that stories like this one happen more often than people might think. "When two people spend consistent, intimate time together—whether physical, emotional, or even just conversational—there's potential for feelings to develop."
Although sugar dating is a transactional relationship in its nature, it's natural for emotional attachment to occur. "Human connection doesn't always follow the rules we set at the beginning of a relationship, and sugar arrangements are no exception," Wright notes. "While many folks enter these relationships with clear expectations, emotions are complex, and genuine affection or even love can pop out of what feels like nowhere."
The sugar baby in this story is torn between her feelings for her sugar daddy and wanting to remain professional. Psychotherapist Rachel Wright explains that honest self-reflection and open communication is the best course of action in such cases.
"If someone begins to feel emotionally attached in a way that could shift the dynamic or not feel good, it's important to check in. First, with themselves and then with the person they're in the arrangement with."
A sugar relationship still requires relationship skills, Wright points out. "Relationships are relationships are relationships are relationships. Conversations around agreements, boundaries, expectations, feelings, and consent are important," she emphasizes.
"Navigating the tension between professionalism and personal feelings means being clear about what's changing and whether both people are on the same page."
A sugar relationship can evolve, but only with mutual enthusiasm, not pressure or confusion
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo)
Asking your sugar baby to marry is a big emotional shift for a sugar relationship. It's not forbidden for two people in a sugar relationship to get married, but both partners should be on board. "Whether or not marriage is the goal, it's a good opportunity to reset your relationship agreements with updated terms," Wright adds.
She offers a four-point checklist partners in a sugar arrangement might go through if they're looking to redefine their relationship.
- Clarify roles and expectations. Are we partners now? Are we still in a sugar dynamic?
- Check in on power dynamics—both in the kink way and in the non-kink way. Especially around age, finances, and emotional needs.
- Discuss emotional safety. What do we each need to feel secure, respected, and cared for? Is it different now?
- Define logistics. Will the financial aspect continue? How will we handle intimacy, exclusivity, and public identity?
Rachel Wright emphasizes how important it is for both partners to feel empowered, safe, and seen. If the sugar daddy and the sugar baby are both ready for the relationship to evolve, they might go through with it. If one of the partners feels confusion or pressure, it might not be the best way to proceed.
"It's easy to judge relationships that fall outside of traditional social norms, but love, desire, and care can show up in many different forms," the relationship psychotherapist adds. "What matters most isn't how the relationship started; it matters how both people feel within it."
"No matter the relationship type, it's important that it's based on mutual respect, informed consent, and emotional safety. Like all relationships, sugar relationships deserve thoughtful communication if they're going to grow or exist healthily."
Some people pointed out how she didn't think about what his kids and grandkids would think
The rest of the commenters were skeptical: "Stick to your contract and finish your degree!"
