Being a parent is full of unique challenges, but one thing that should come naturally is loving each of your children equally. Regardless of how well they’re doing in school or what they said to you out of frustration during dinner, your kids should never question the fact that you love them unconditionally.
Unfortunately, however, not all moms and dads make it clear that they don’t have a favorite child. One man recently reached out to Reddit opening up about how his nephew finally fought back after enduring a lifetime of being treated as second-best. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as a conversation between the author and Bored Panda.
This man has never seen his nephews receive equal love and affection from their parents
Image credits: Sébastien Mouilleau / unsplash (not the actual photo)
So when the older son finally stood up for himself, his uncle didn't hesitate to have his back
Image credits: Jordan González / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alvaro Reyes / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jesús Rodríguez / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BigGirl367
"Our extended family is still making plans to fix a date for the family meeting, but it should happen soon"
I used to hate it when teachers would play favorites in school. And it can be incredibly frustrating in the workplace when bosses decide that certain employees can get away with whatever they want, while others are held to high standards. But what’s even worse is when parents decide to play favorites amongst their own children.
Healthline explains that children who feel like they aren’t their parents’ favorite are more likely to experiment with d***s, alcohol and cigarettes during their adolescence. And it’s common for these kids to have conflicts with their siblings as well, if they feel like they’re constantly in competition or not being raised by the same parents.
Being viewed as second-best can have a detrimental impact on a child’s self-esteem and will likely create wounds that the kid will carry with them into adulthood.
To learn more about this specific situation, we reached out to the uncle who shared this post on Reddit. He was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain what inspired him to tell this story.
“My girlfriend inspired me to share it. She opened Reddit couple of days ago, and r/AITAH was one of the subs that was suggested to her,” the author noted. “She read a lot of stories and saw the genuine support and great advice people gave. So she shared the idea with me to share the story.”
The OP also says that there haven't been any major updates since he made the post. “Because our extended family is still making plans to fix a date for the family meeting, but it should happen soon (within few days).”
“However, my brother called, and he was pretty depressed,” the author continued. “[He] said he didn't realize what he was doing, and he regrets treating Jack like that. He loves both of his sons.”
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"[My brother] regrets treating Jack like that; he loves both of his sons"
We also wanted to know if this was the first time the author has expressed concerns about the favoritism in his brother’s family. “I have shown concern before, but they didn't listen at first. I believe my brother was unaware of the fact that their actions were affecting Jack this much.”
The uncle noted that he blames his sister-in-law more than his brother. “I am not taking my brother's side because he is my brother, but I saw him working really hard to provide for Jack and never complained. But my SIL always mentioned that, because of Jack, she couldn't enjoy her Uni life. She couldn't go to parties or tours. So it was pretty obvious that she regretted having Jack at that age.”
The author also pointed out that the reason for his post wasn't to find out whether or not he was wrong.
“In our culture, we are raised to keep our mouths shut and keep family problems secret,” he explained. “Years of trauma and bad incidents usually build up. So I just wanted to tell people my story without the fear of revealing my or my family's identity. But I was really surprised to see people from all kinds of backgrounds showing their support.”
Next, the author wanted to address some of the assumptions that readers made about his story.
“The worst thing is judging someone else's culture's rules by your culture's rules,” he shared. “For example, some people said, ‘Since the incident happened at Christmas, it’s been about 6 weeks since Jack was with me, and the timeline doesn't make sense to them. ‘Why haven’t we had the meeting yet?’”
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"We believe in solving issues within ourselves without calling authorities"
“They forgot to consider that cultures work differently. In our culture, if a single family member is unable to attend, then the whole program gets delayed,” the OP continued. “Every family member is valuable to us.”
Some commenters also told the uncle that he can’t keep Jack without his parents’ consent, and some wondered why the police hadn’t been called yet.
“Again, cultural difference,” the author shared. “I understand that it’s common in Western countries to call the cops over a parking spot or over an argument with neighbors. But in our culture, the cops are only called when a serious crime/law breaking happens. Police coming to your home is seen as a shameful act here. Because most problems get solved within family meetings.”
“Even elderly neighbors or respected people of the community, like teachers, are also called,” the uncle explained. “It's like a jury system, but the jury personally knows both the accused and defendant, so the chance of bias is low. Everyone gets to talk and then comes to a solution.”
He provided the example of one family member needing an important surgery, where they’ll need a substantial amount of funding to cover their care and all of the work they’ll miss.
“In our culture, the extended family, or even distant relatives, will show up along with neighbors and respected elders. And all will come up with the best course of action,” the author shared. “People will chime in with donations, and at the end of the meeting, you will have a good solution to your problems. We believe in solving issues within ourselves without calling authorities.”
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Many readers assured the man that he did nothing wrong by supporting Jack, and he joined in on the conversation
However, some were concerned about the uncle excusing his nephew's behavior
