30 Trashy, Tacky, And Distasteful Wedding Stories Shared By The Internet

About 30 years ago, I was the plus-one on a wedding invitation. The guests were all seated in church, the couple was at the altar, and the minister was working his way through the ceremony. At the point where he said, 'If any person present knows of any legal impediment why this couple should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.' The bride spoke up. She asked the minister if she could address the congregation, and he replied that it was unusual, but she had every right. So she turned to the guests and started what I can only describe as a best man's speech or father-of-the-bride speech at the reception. She thanked various aunts and cousins for the flowers, dresses, etc. She thanked relatives that had flown in from Australia, and so on. It was all a bit awkward and uncomfortable, not to mention odd. Finally, she turned to her chief bridesmaid and groom and said, 'Lastly, I would like to thank my chief bridesmaid and groom…' both of whom smiled, '...for sleeping together last weekend after his stag night and my hen night. And for those that don't believe it, here's the videotape.' She marched out of the church, handing the tape to the groom's mother.

As the hired pianist, I've been to a lot of tacky weddings.

I've seen the best man pee on the bride's gown during the ceremony, afterwards sniffing the maid of honor's butt. Of course, both were dogs so their behavior might be excused.

(I thought it was funny. Was it tacky to laugh?)

Then there were the weddings where the guests behaved worse than dogs!

I've attended more than one reception where I’ve witnessed scantily clad brides in their sexy low-cut gowns accepting dollar bills during the Dollar Dance.

They giggled as dozens of inebriated men tucked money as deeply into the their cleavage as possible. Beforehand, the men were given straight pins to attach the money to the bridal gown. The pins were quickly discarded so they could stuff the bills down her bra and cop a feel!

Treating the bride like a bachelor party stripper is never okay. I was mortified to see blood relatives actually groping their nieces, cousins or even their daughters!

Speaking of which, I attended one wedding where the father of the bride kissed his daughter full on the mouth (like a movie kiss) right in the middle of the dance floor.

That marriage didn't last.

I was hired to play piano for the same bride at her second wedding years later. She didn't include a daughter–father dance for that one.

During one reception, instead of the garter, the drunken groom was able to strip his bride of her panties (with his teeth!) He then proceeded to deeply sniff them before tossing them into a crowd of eligible bachelors, who then fought over who got to take the next whiff.

The panties were passed around from bachelor to bachelor after that, the youngest being twelve years old.

The tackiest of the tacky, however, had to have been the time the happy couple parked grandma in her wheelchair at the farthest table from the dais, who then sat alone even after every last guest had cleared the buffet, and who sat watching the other guests dine because nobody thought to make a plate for her.

I decided to stop playing my dinner set to attend to the grandma.

Under the watchful glares of bride and groom, I arose from the bench behind the piano, and as soon as the music stopped so did the conversation.

Like a record scratch—STOPPED. DEAD SILENCE.

Nobody was listening to what I was playing in the background, beforehand, or so I thought. Nobody listens to the dinner musician. We are merely there for background ambience, just like speakers in an elevator or canned shopping mall music which nobody pays attention to. But when the music stops, people notice.

Lesson learned.

I went through the buffet line, collecting scoops of salads and fruit dishes. I felt the eyes of a hundred guests burning into my back as the caterer shaved a few slices of prime rib from the roast, gingerly setting it upon the fine china with a serving fork.

Then, in awkward silence, I made my way over to Grandma and served her the plate.

She smiled and thanked me profusely as I returned to my station and played some oldie-but-goodies on my keys.

A week later, I was served.

A uniformed clerk bailiff showed up at my front door and handed me the court order.

For taking a moment to feed Grandma, I was being sued by the bride and groom for breaking my contract.

They wanted their money back.

I gave it to them rather than face time in court.

They sued me because they didn't think Grandma mattered.

That was by far the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen at a wedding.

I was a guest at my sorority sister's wedding (I will name her Amanda). We shared a room in the sorority house, so we were close. The day before the wedding, another sister (we'll call her Rachel) and I traveled an hour and a half to get to our friend's hometown, where the wedding was being held. Rachel and I were not bridesmaids, but we would spend the night at Amanda's house with the rest of the wedding party. She had invited us to prove we were special even if we weren't bridesmaids. From the minute Rachel and I stepped into the house, Amanda's mother had us doing little tasks: picking up the pizza, setting the table, etc. They were little things, but still things you don't ask of a guest. The next morning, Amanda's mom woke us up. We had to fetch breakfast, bobby pins, hairspray, and shoes. I had to fix my hair. I used to fix hair for all the girls living in the house then, but I had no prior knowledge I would be required to style the entire bridal party and bride. Rachel had to iron Amanda's dress. By this time, we realized we hadn't been invited as special guests but as servants. We were late for the reception after the wedding because we had to gather all the residue left after seven girls finished prepping for a formal event. Dinner had already been served, and Amanda's mother immediately herded us to the kitchen and instructed us to wash dishes. I was in shock, even more so when Rachel picked up a dish. But I started laughing when she tossed it to the floor. We left, went to McDonald's, and never spoke to Amanda again.

I did not actually get to see the wedding. Many, many years ago, a colleague from the Netherlands sent me an invitation to his wedding in Amsterdam. Since I live in Norway, going to a wedding in Amsterdam is quite costly, with flights, hotel and food - plus a wedding gift of course - but I was touched that he wanted me there, as the only one of our international crowd of colleagues, so I decided to take my savings and go. So I called him up, and he was very pleased that I intended to come, and told me that he had gone to great lenghts to get my address (this was before the time of e-mails, and social media). Chatting about his new bride who I was eager to meet, and asking for recommendations for hotel, and what he would like as a wedding gift, he ended the conversation by saying, 'Oh, just one last thing: The invitation is for the religious service only, not for the dinner party, I hope you don't mind. We wanted it to be a small wedding'. I was so surprised that I just said: 'Of course not, I understand'. But then I sat down to think. One thing is if you ask someone in town to pop by and see you get married. No costs are incurred (beyond a metro ticket), and no gift is expected. But to invite someone who would have to spend 2000 dollars to see you get married, and then not invite them to the party? I made up an excuse, and did not go. Maybe it makes me a bad friend, but I was quite mad to have been invited under those conditions. And I never spoke to him again.

I knelt at the altar to pray with the pastor at the most somber part of my wedding ceremony. There were giggles from the first few rows of guests. I found out later that, as I knelt, big red CLEARANCE stickers showed on the bottom of my shoes. Yes, I am that girl. You can’t take me anywhere.

Went to an outdoor wedding in a pasture. For a wonder the wind wasn’t blowing and it wasn’t terribly hot. Bugs were tolerable. A beautiful day. The couple were handsome and the setting was rustic but beautiful. As the bride and groom took their vows, a pair of cows wandered out from behind some trees. They seemed curious about the odd human activity. Then they began loudly mooing at each other. As the ceremony came to a close the bull began bellowing loudly. He then mounted the cow who began mooing lustily giving the pastor good competition for the audience’s attention. They went at it while the couple kissed and were presented to the congregation. Their role in the wedding complete, the bovine couple headed back to the shade. I have to give the pastor credit as well as the audience for mostly holding it together. The sniggering was audible but not distracting. I’m not sure the couple noticed. The discussion at the reception was about the role of pheromones in inter species attraction. The other issue was whether this was a good omen or not. I voted for good omen.

When the groom fully pushed the bride’s face into the cake, not only getting cake and frosting around her mouth but also on her entire face, hair, and even her wedding dress. The guests were stunned, and the bride broke into tears. I knew from what I’d seen and how he treated her (on her wedding day, no less) that they’d end up divorced. And yep, they later divorced as expected.

Laid in bed and read quite few responses. Can’t help feeling my story will top most.

Ex-hubby’s family has a history of addiction. I didn’t understand it then and not sure if it would have changed anything as we got together when I was 21, but its important to me that you know it.

Ex FIL had kicked a nasty heroin addiction a couple of decades ago. Lives a sober life with his wife, but is clearly not happy about it. They disapproved of us having an open bar at our $30k+ wedding and in every single picture their dour expressions are unmistakable. They had not paid or contributed to anything. As a matter of fact, I paid for the entire wedding out of my savings, because ExHub could not imagine a lesser wedding. He was unemployed at the time and I was just…stupid.

Ex MIL has a nasty prescription pill addiction now. No clue what she was on at the time, but mix it with open bar and, well, you can guess.

While the bridal party took pictures between the ceremony and reception, the bar opened and began serving. Ex’s 70 year old Uncle loads up and hits the dance floor early and alone. I wasn’t there, but I’ve seen the photos. 10 minutes later he passed out face down on the table where he and his wife were seated and began snoring loudly.

Wedding party enters and the party begins. MIL disappears. ExHub and I are having such a good time that we don’t notice. Later my own mother disappeared and quite a few of our friends. It was about this time that I was arguing with my SIL who was upset that the MC did not announce her daughter’s name along with the wedding party - but her daughter wasn’t part of the wedding party, so why would he? - and SIL wanted me to do something about it, I guess. Shortly afterwards, one of my cousins came to inform me that their entire table had not been served dinner. I went into the kitchen to speak with the manager. He explained that several guests had taken 2 dinners which left a shortfall. His staff was preparing extra dinners as fast as possible and we would of course be charged for the meals later. I threw up my hands, thanked him and left.

Towards the end of the evening, Ex’s Aunt (the wife of sleepy head) pulled me OUT of the reception and down to the bar in the hotel’s restaurant. I am wearing my wedding gown, missing my reception, but she wants to buy me a drink and talk. 10 years later I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I like to imagine that she suggested that I run away as fast possible. Meanwhile, another bride came into the restaurant wearing my identical wedding dress. She burst into tears while her 2 best friends took pictures of the both of us together. When I returned to the reception, it was over and groom’s family was taking the 3 foot high centerpieces back to their hotel rooms. The florist was livid and chasing them down.

The next morning my mom and friends told me the truly tacky part over brunch.

MIL had her fill of open bar mixed with whatever else and had taken to the hallways, knocking on random doors in the hotel. Hotel guests called security and the front desk was gracious enough to retrieve my mom from the reception without disturbing anyone else. The 2 of them got MIL into an empty guest room and into bed. Mom went back to the party, found some of my friends and asked them to take her home. They agreed and upon going back to the guest room, found that MIL was missing but her clothes were there on the floor. Yep, she’s roaming the halls again, but this time naked. Again Security was called, and my mom and friends retrieved naked MIL, got her redressed and someone took her home. I was mortified but my ExHubs found it hilarious. Oh, the signs.

Fast forward 4 years, when our marriage was coming to a close. I could no longer deal with his severe alcoholism. I called FIL, SIL and MIL for help. Pleading. No one responded to my voicemails. Found out that MIL couldn’t respond, because she had been arrested the previous day for stabbing her neighbor in the neck with a fork under suspicion that the neighbor stole $20 from her. She spent a year in jail and by the time she was released I already had divorce papers filed.

My wife and I went to a relative's wedding many years ago. The church wedding was simple and fine. The reception was in a hall; I don't remember if a band or DJ existed. The drinks were fine. They asked everyone to sit at their tables, and the announcer called the table numbers. A row of staff served the buffet, so guests didn't just dig in. The main course was pre-sliced turkey. As we sat and waited for our number to be called, we watched as smiling people walked past with plates piled h**h with food. We were getting hungry! Finally, they called our table, and the serving trays were empty! The servers were trying to scrape mashed potatoes in a failed effort to give the remaining guests in line a scoop full. And a spoonful of vegetables. The turkey was long gone. To add to the disappointment, the bus people were clearing tables of plates still laden with food! Lots of slices of turkey and two big scoops of potatoes are all floating in gravy! It was pretty clear that the servers had bad judgment, loaded up plates with double servings, and simply ran out of food before the final tables were served. We stayed until the end and ate the wedding cake. We stopped At McDonald's on our way back to the hotel. I later learned that the parents who paid for the reception were mortified and got a big chunk of cash back from the venue.

Upstaging of any sort.

ONE-I was just a pre-teen when this one happened, but even then I knew better. It was my cousin’s wedding, his side of the family is the snooty snob side of the family so it was a fancy sit down dinner reception with a whole lot of speeches and all that. Well, someone decided that during their congratulatory toast to the couple was the perfect time to ask the maid of honor to marry him. With a ring that definitely put the current bride’s engagement ring to shame. The rest of the reception was spent congratulating the newly engaged couple and not honoring the bride and groom.

TWO-announcing pregnancy. I was in h**h-school, it was another cousin’s wedding and the bride’s sister chose during her toast to announce her pregnancy, knowing full well that her sister can never have bear children of her own.

THREE-and this one probably doesn’t happen very often. A friend’s wedding, they were young and the wedding/reception were definitely low budget. The aunt of the groom decided to announce that her son had gotten accepted into state university med program, where the groom himself had wanted to go, but financial aid had fallen through (even though he was accepted, he just couldn’t make it happen financially) and that her son had gotten a full ride scholarship (football) I’ve seen awful MIL’s (why is it always the groom’s mother that’s the awful MIL?) wear white and even saw an MIL wear a wedding dress to her own son’s wedding.

BUT THE TACKIEST THING I EVER SAW??? The bride, a friend from college who was well known to swing both ways had no idea that her groom’s cousin (who was full on lesbian) had been “in love” with her for years. At the reception she got drunk and proceeded to strip down to Victoria’s Secrets and smear herself with cake frosting, completely ruining the wedding cake and screamed (I swear to all that is unholy, I am not making this up) “will you eat me now?!” at the bride.

My nephew’s wedding was a black tie affair, and the woman he married came from a conservative Jewish family, so as was appropriate, I wore a tea length dress and a hat, as did most of the women. Except for one. She wore white. Not a dress, but an actual gown with a floofy skirt and a train, and a little tiara-type headpiece with a veil. Over her face. Not wearing white at a wedding, assuming it’s traditional and the bride is wearing white, is just good manners. Dressing up like a bride is on the far side of tacky.

The bride did not show up. The guests were at the church, along with the bride's and groom’s families. The bridesmaids were missing, but the groom and the groom’s men were waiting. We all waited. For one and a half hours. Finally, the maid of honor showed up and announced that the bride had decided she was not getting married. Apparently, she used the airplane tickets for the honeymoon to elope with someone else. We all left the church somewhat rattled and felt very bad for the groom. However, that was only the bride’s first wedding. Almost 40 years later, she is on to husband number six. I did not attend any of the other subsequent, (elaborate) weddings.

My dad's only brother got married when my siblings and I were about 7 through 14 years old. My uncle was convinced that my siblings and I would be horribly behaved at the service and the reception. We were separated from everyone because he feared what we might say or do. My mom sat with the kids at the furthest table while my dad and grandmother sat at the head table. My uncle's brand new wife had an uncle. This uncle took great advantage of the open bar. He was loud and unruly, and he chose to urinate in the hotel's fancy water fountain and then puke on OUR table. So much for knowing who was well-mannered and who wasn't.

We got married at a location two hours from home. My husband and I went a couple of days before the wedding to prepare and relax. His grown daughter was bringing his mother the day before the wedding. But his mother was furious that we didn't take her with us. I booked several rooms for family and had them in specific locations in the hotel and grouped for various purposes. When I met the first group at the hotel the day before the wedding, I learned that my mother-in-law had called and rearranged all of the rooms. During the wedding, my mother-in-law (in the front row) turned to the person next to her and said, 'Wonder how long this will last.' During the reception, she complained so much about a lack of attention that my husband had to threaten to have someone take her back to the hotel. The first morning of our honeymoon, my husband slept in, and my mother-in-law called his phone 20 times by noon.

I was once invited to a "Harley" wedding held in the tiny living room of a small one-bedroom shotgun house. The bride and groom wore matching torn jeans, motorcycle boots (with chains), and doo rags on their heads. The "wedding party" (three really scary dudes escorting three equally scary-looking dudettes) entered the living room, followed by the bride, to the strains of Meatloaf's Bat Out of Hell. The ceremony was constantly interrupted by the bride and groom giving each other high-fives throughout the ceremony (don't ask me, I don't know why), but they were especially animated when no one objected to their union. This time there were screaming and jumping up and down along with the high-five. Once the ceremony was over, several burly guys carried in a table with the reception refreshments laid out. The food consisted of (I swear, I kid you not) stacked pyramids of cans of potted meat. Next to that, stacked like logs, were tubes of Ritz crackers (bacon flavored!). Everyone there was handed a can of potted meat and a tube of Ritz crackers. So, I'm sitting there with a can of potted meat in one hand and the crackers in the other, watching everyone scarfing it down, and I'm thinking this just can't be real. Then I notice that coming down the line was a bottle of Jack Daniels, with everyone taking a healthy swig before passing it on, followed by a big coffee can filled with pre-rolled joints. I was pretty uncomfortable by now...what to do? Since I didn't want to stand out like a sore thumb, I thought, "Well, when in Rome..." I do have to admit though, after a big-a*s swig on the Jack and a couple of tokes on the mowwie-wowwie, I actually thought the wedding was pretty cool, LOL!

I have seen cash bars. I have seen cheesy dresses and tuxedos. I have seen embarrassing garter exhibitions. But for me the winner is: I once attended a wedding where one of the female guests was wearing hair curlers under a big bandana. HAIR CURLERS. All I could think of was, what’s the more important event you are getting ready for, later on? But mainly, WTF?

I used to own my own business and have made 1000’s of wedding cakes and been to 100’s of weddings. But this story is about a wedding that I did not attend.

You see after selling my businesses I didn’t work for a few years but decided for various reasons to go back to work. I ended up selling jewelry at a Kay’s outlet.

I had a woman come in, she was on cloud nine, her boyfriend, a convicted felon serving time, had finally proposed to her. I showed her ring after ring trying to find something within her price range to fit her large finger. Apparently, if you get married in the penitentiary they have a cost cap on how much can be spent for the rings. I had a ring that was previously owned, had been refurbished but was a very dated style. She loved it because it had actual, REAL diamonds in it.

The groom wasn’t going to be at the reception as he wouldn’t be out of prison for a few more years. They planned to have the reception without him. She was atwitter with her plans. Her mother was with her and they just had to tell me about their plans for “ The fanciest wedding the family has ever seen.” What she described was the tackiest wedding I’ve never attended.

She was thrilled to have found a wedding dress for $35. They were serving KFC Chicken and her cousin was making the cake, shaped like a prison, complete with black buttercream roses. Her plans included, Koolaide punch served out of a brand new toilet. This made me wonder did this mean they had served out of a used toilet before? A keg of beer, music played from uncle’s car stereo, the cake was to be displayed on top of her mother’s washing machine in the backyard. A backyard that I was told was all dirt and housed ten pit bulls.

Her flowers were fake, recycled from a friend’s wedding. Balloons were to be the yard decorations. Seating would be car seats already in the yard and plastic chairs, no tables. She was going to have a port-a-potty brought in so that the guys didn’t have to “line up against the side of the house”. Her new brother-in-law would “play” the part of the groom for the first dance, cake cutting, etc.

I thought “OK so, low cost, not what I would have done with a very small budget, but to each their own.” That is until she gushed that she couldn’t wait until the honeymoon. Apparently, the groom's brother was taking her to a Holiday Inn and she was really excited about going to such a nice place.

I was speechless. I think I still am.

In a certain social class in Egypt, people deal with buffets as if they've been starved to death their whole lives. And surprisingly they aren't really poor to begin with. Anyhow, in my cousin's wedding, they went really big with the party, inviting every single person we know in Kuwait, and keeping the invitations open so that anyone can bring whoever they want with them. Let me just say that the moment we announced that the buffet is now open , people turned their heads and rushed to the buffet like there was no tomorrow: Being my cousin's direct family, we stayed with him, taking care of things. When we entered the hall to finally eat, the scene was truly shameful. The floor was covered with food stains, the platters were almost empty, the tables were tilted. It was like a tornado had passed through the area. And while I haven't seen this in this particular wedding, I know for a fact that some Egyptian mothers take with them these big, black garbage bags to stuff them with food and take it home. It's like buffets are some sort of an eating contest! That wedding was a good lesson for us. Keep weddings limited to people you actually know and ones who care about you. And perhaps… don't go with a buffet? That being said, that was the only wedding I've seen that was this disastrous; usually weddings around me are more organized and classy.

Going anonymous on this one because I don’t want to embarrass the family publicly. It was my wedding and my new father-in-law. To set the scene, the wedding party and family were seated at the front of hall, and the remaining guests had their pick of seating for themselves. When everyone RSVP’d, they had a choice of prime rib or chicken as their entree, which was served individually. Apparently, my new father-in-law chose prime rib. When dinner was served, his meal wasn’t served to the temperature he prefers (either it was overdone or underdone to his liking). He notified the server that he wasn’t pleased with the meal, and she offered to correct it for him. Instead of letting the server go get another piece of prime rib, one that is cooked to his desired preference, he found me, the bride, while I was chatting with guests, to ask where the nearest McDonald’s was because he couldn’t get a good meal here. He left the reception, found a Wendy’s, and brought the food back to the reception and ate it at the family table among everyone else enjoying their meals. I suppose what struck me was tacky wasn’t that he wasn’t happy with his meal, but that he left the reception to find other food and didn’t just eat it then, he wanted to show all of the guests his lack of tact by bringing it back to the reception for all to see.

The reception where I had to pay for my own food. Now, I’m fine with having a cash bar. We walked in and grabbed some beers, tossed some cash, and a nice tip. All was well. But when we went through the buffet line, and the guy at the end was asking for credit cards or cash…WTF?! I went back to our seats and went through every invite or email about the wedding, and the cash reception was never mentioned anywhere. I’d call it being white trash, but I don’t even think white trash would do something like this. I’ve been to some hillbilly weddings in my time. You might see a BYOB reception, but at least the food is always fantastic.