Family arguments are often a tough cookie, especially among relatives who used to be very close. These fights can cause a lot of stress in your life. It would be far healthier if everyone forgave each other, decided on some healthier boundaries for the future, and moved on. However, that’s easier said than done. In some cases, it’s not as simple as all that if you feel betrayed by someone you looked up to.
Single dad u/LeoBastion asked the r/AITAH online community for some honest advice regarding a very delicate situation with his family. According to the author, his teenage son cut off his beloved uncle after being uninvited from his child-free wedding. However, the dad doesn’t think it would be fair to make him give up his grudge. Read on for the full story.
Bored Panda reached out to the dad and author of the post, u/LeoBastion, and he was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. You'll find our interview with him below.
Child-free weddings can cause a lot of tension and lead to hurt feelings among family and friends if the rules aren't clear
Image credits: Leeloo The First / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A dad asked the internet for help after opening up about how his son felt betrayed by his role-model uncle
Image credits: OlgaGimaeva / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: stockbusters / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: irinapavlova1 / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: allatsyganova / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LeoBastion
"Truly listen to your children and give them the same kind of respect we offer other adults"
According to the dad, most of the advice that other internet users gave him was “really good.” Though, he does add that some of it was "very harsh."
“I guess I deserve it for not standing up for my son. I guess the best piece of advice I received was that I couldn’t force Leo to forgive or forget. His 'healing' has to be on his own terms," u/LeoBastion told Bored Panda.
We were curious to get the dad’s perspective on how the relationship between his son and brother could ever recover. "To be honest, I don't know if their relationship will ever be the same," he said.
"Maybe one day they'll get along again, but only time will tell. All I can do now is give my son time and let him know that I will 100% be in his corner from now on.”
He added: "As for my brother, I hope he learns to respect my son's boundaries and that he accepts that any chance of reconciliation will be on Leo's time, not his."
The dad opened up about his own response to the entire situation, too. "Honestly, I think I failed my son by not really listening to what he was saying and how hurt he was," u/LeoBastion said.
He had some great advice to share with other parents whose kids might be going through a particularly tough time.
"My advice would be to truly listen to your children and give them the same kind of respect we offer other adults: if they want to set boundaries, we should respect them," he shared with Bored Panda.
“And sometimes, we as parents should learn that doing nothing can be just as harmful as taking the other person’s side.”
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
The teenager's uncle didn't foresee the rift he'd create by allowing him to be uninvited from the wedding
When the connection between the uncle and the nephew seems to have been so deep and strong, it seems ridiculous—not to mention harsh—not to invite the teenager to the wedding.
What is a wedding if not a union of two souls, witnessed by the people they love and respect the most? It would have been the right move to have the nephew there, cheering his uncle on.
However, hindsight is 20/20. With all the stress of the wedding, as well as pressure from other family members, the uncle might not have realized the massive impact uninviting his nephew might have.
Here’s the thing: the teenager’s feelings are valid. If he feels hurt, he feels hurt. There’s no rushing forgiveness along. Especially if the kid feels betrayed by someone he loves and really looks up to.
Forgiveness and reconnection are definitely possible, sure. But it will probably take a lot of time and consistent effort from the uncle to reestablish that sense of trust. For now, it’s probably best to give the nephew lots of space, and not get mad over his lack of forgiveness.
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Forgiveness takes a while, but in the meantime, holding on to anger isn't good for your health
With that being said, holding on to grudges and anger is generally awful for our health. Objectively, it’s best to forgive someone even if your only goal is to take care of your physical and mental health. Anger is a response to injustice and there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with it… but there is a problem with chronic anger.
One study published in the Journal of Medicine and Life explains that chronic anger increases the risk of various diseases and disorders like atherosclerosis, coronary heart disease, bulimic behavior, and type 2 diabetes.
Meanwhile, the stress hormones released by anger are particularly bad for our hearts. Adrenaline can result in electrical changes in the heart, worsening the muscle’s health and affecting its ability to pump blood.
According to Pankaj Jay Pasricha, MD, who is the chair of medicine at Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Arizona, anger and stress can have a major impact on your gastrointestinal tract.
The expert told ‘Everyday Health’ that chronic anger and stress can lead to things like abdominal pain, an upset stomach, or diarrhea. If untreated and unmitigated, all of that stress can lead to even more serious issues, such as inflammatory bowel disease, irritable bowel syndrome, and gastroesophageal reflux disease.
Image credits: Jeremy Wong Weddings / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It's up to the happy couple to decide who is and isn't considered a kid at their child-free wedding
According to ‘Quick Candles,’ when organizing child-free weddings, it’s incredibly important to decide who does and does not count as a kid. The clearer and more upfront you are, the less risk of annoying your family and friends. And no happy couple needs any additional stress as it is.
For some people, that might mean someone who is legally an adult. For others, it might be old enough to drink alcohol (the laws regarding this are different in many countries around the world). Still, others might decide that teenagers are welcome, but babies might be too disruptive.
However, ‘Quick Candles’ warns that once you’ve decided on the ground rules, it’s probably best not to make any exceptions so you don’t show favoritism. If one couple gets to bring their toddler but someone else’s baby isn’t allowed, it’s only going to create resentment.
Of course, you should not let this blind you to common sense: if you’re someone’s role-model, it’s logical to invite them, regardless of age. It’s your wedding after all. You shouldn’t let ‘THE RULES’ ruin your relationships.
Also, there’s always room for compromise. For example, allowing everyone to attend the ceremony and then having a hired babysitter take care of the kids while the adults let loose on the dancefloor at the reception. Or having the babysitter take over at a certain point at the reception.
What do you think of the entire story, dear Pandas? What would you do in the dad’s situation where his son and brother are at odds? What do you think would need to happen for them to reconnect? If you have a moment, share your advice and opinions in the comments.
The author later shared some additional information about the sensitive situation at home
Many readers were on the dad's side and thought he did the right thing to support his son
However, a few others had a slightly different perspective. Here's their take
