Being one child in a large family can be hard, particularly when it’s pretty clear that your parents have decided to put most of their attention on your siblings. In these sorts of situations, the parents should, perhaps, not be surprised when the neglected child ends up making their own decisions.
A young man wondered if he was in the wrong for refusing to hand over his college fund to help pay for his sister’s stomach surgery. While it would immensely improve her quality of life, he wondered why they needed his money in particular.
In a larger family, some kids will end up feeling like they never received enough attention
Image credits: Piron Guillaume (not the actual photo)
One teen refused to hand over the college fund his grandparents set up for him
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Overall_Sherbert_355
Image credits: Piron Guillaume (not the actual photo)
Being constantly overlooked by your parents is a form of neglect
Generally, discussions of childhood neglect focus on physical health and nutrition. Unfortunately, some families are unable or unwilling to give their offspring the food, shelter, and lifestyle they need to develop in a healthy manner. However, kids and young adults still need attention, which is something OP seems to not have gotten due to the abundance of siblings his parents ended up fostering.
While it might be admirable that OP’s parents decided to take in so many children, it does raise the question of if it’s at all worth it. After all, OP, their biological child has ended up feeling neglected, ignored, and tasked with helping raise kids while himself still being a child. While it’s not as visible as physical neglect, developmental and emotional neglect is still a major issue.
In the worst cases, this sort of neglect has been associated with cognitive and emotional difficulties. This is not to go as far as to claim that OP actually has these, rather, it’s just an illustration of the damage it can cause. This, quite easily, explains why he is reluctant to hand over his college fund.
Image credits: CDC (not the actual photo)
The parents are being manipulative about their kid’s responsibilities
After all, OP most likely feels that after years of being ignored, he deserves this one opportunity. It’s important to note that his grandparents appear to agree, which lends some credence to this emotion. At the same time, there is the very good question of why exactly would he feel the responsibility to help his siblings. After all, it’s the parent's job, particularly with children they choose to bring into the family.
The parents are also doing something quite selfish by asking OP for the money. Ultimately, his little sister would greatly benefit from the surgery, however, they are creating a situation where, for the rest of her life, the sister will be told that her pain is the result of her brother not forking over some cash.
A responsible adult will understand that, ultimately, it is the parent's responsibility and if they want money from someone, they have best to earn it. While some readers might think that OP’s story is biased in his favor, the actions of the grandparents also point to the fact that this level of neglect is visible from the outside.
OP is right to feel unhappy that it’s always his money that ends up used for his siblings
All in all, as many of the commenters would suggest, OP should not feel bad for holding on to the money. Additionally, the parents did set money aside for the siblings but appear to feel entitled to OP’s fund. This makes it look like they are less interested in helping the little sister at all costs and, instead, are trying to find the “cheapest” way to do it.
The grandparents and OP have recognized that this money might be his best chance at making a life for himself, particularly when denied the opportunity by his parents. Perhaps, if we are being hopeful, the adults will see OP’s refusal as a sort of wake-up call and begin to understand just how much they have ignored his needs.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Some readers needed more information
Commenters thought OP was justified and shared their sympathies for his experiences
