Nowadays, there are hundreds of different ways to make up a family. As long as there’s plenty of love present, it makes no difference whether you have one parent or four (including your stepparents). But although it’s perfectly fine for adults to find love again and again, it won’t necessarily be easy for their children to adjust to having someone new around.
One woman recently shared a story on Reddit detailing how her last relationship ended because of her ex’s daughter's behavior. But now, the teen is reaching out to her for help, and she’s not having it.
This woman's last relationship ended due to the cruel treatment she endured from her ex's teen daughter
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But now, the teen has realized that she hates her dad's new partner even more
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RestlessStardust
It's common for teens to have complicated feelings about their parents entering new relationships
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Even if your parents have been divorced for a decade, which is the case for the teen in this story, it can still be challenging to accept that there’s someone new in one of your parents’ lives. According to Hidden Strength, when a teen resents the new partner of one of their parent’s, it’s possible that their resistance to change isn’t personal.
It might actually be coming from a fear that their parent is pushing them away or trying to replace them. They might also be jealous of how much time their parent is now spending with this romantic partner. And it’s possible that they feel bad for their other parent, if they assume that they’ve been left behind or forgotten.
Teens sometimes also find it embarrassing or gross that their parent would be dating and trying to find love again. And, in some cases, there might actually be something specific about the partner that they don’t like. And, of course, if the new partner doesn’t like the teen, the feeling will likely go both ways.
However, Hidden Strength notes that seeing a parent start dating someone new is not a valid excuse for bad behavior. If the teen is being hostile or acting out, it’s important for their parent to address it immediately. It’s recommended for the parent to ask their child what exactly is bothering them and how they can work together to find a solution.
Parents should make sure that their children are comfortable before bringing someone new into their lives
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
And when it comes to helping a child or teen accept a new partner who they’re not particularly fond of at first, Sydney Couple & Family Specialists recommends making sure that the hierarchy in the family is clear. Your child should always show respect to you and your partner, even if they’re not happy with the new arrangement yet.
It can also be helpful to encourage the new partner to get involved in activities like household chores and household traditions. This might make the child or teen view them more as part of the family, rather than a stranger in their home.
If it’s necessary to discipline your child, try to do so one-on-one, without your new partner around. They might feel like they’re being ganged up on if the two of you are present when this happens.
And the child or teen should always have their own safe space in the home. Their bedroom, a playroom or an upstairs space away from the rest of the home can be incredibly helpful if they feel overwhelmed and need to be alone. They should have somewhere they can go to process their emotions without worrying about someone barging in at any moment.
It’s important not to rush the process of having your child open up to a new partner. They might be feeling a complicated mix of emotions, and it’s completely natural to take time to adjust to any sort of life change.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was obligated to help her ex-boyfriend’s daughter? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues right here.
Later, the author replied to several readers and provided more details about the situation
Many agreed that the woman was not obligated to help the teen
However, some thought that the author should have gone out of her way to help
