When people split up, it can often have devastating effects on the kids. In the drama and turmoil of divorce, sometimes parents don’t realize how much stress their children are taking on. Kids also have to adjust to the new family dynamic and try to deal with any new members who might be added to the mix.
This is what a teen faced after his father had two children after his divorce. The dad kept trying to force a relationship between the kids and wanted his ex-wife to share in the parenting duties.
Teen stands up to dad who keeps pestering him to care for his half-siblings and expects his ex-wife to look after them too
Image credits: Julia M Cameron (not the actual photo)
17YO shared that his dad and mom divorced when he was 5 and that the man first dated Jen, with whom he had a kid called Luna, and then dated Bree and had Harry with her
Image credits: olia danilevich (not the actual photo)
Jen and Bree both abandoned their kids so the teen’s dad became a single parent to them
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The dad kept asking the 17YO’s mom to look after his kids and be a female role model to them
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The poster’s dad accused him of treating the kids as “lesser siblings” and tried to get him to include them in his life and convince his mom to look after the children
Image credits: Background_Carrot694
The boy told his dad that it wasn’t his job to provide his half-siblings with a mom and that she didn’t have to care for other people’s children
The Original Poster (OP) is a 17-year-old teen. He mentioned that his dad and mom got divorced when he was 5 years old and that his dad moved on suspiciously fast. The dad dated Jen and had a daughter named Luna. A few years later he dated Bree and had a son called Harry. The OP told commenters: “he did cheat on Luna's mom with Harry's. But neither were into their kid when they lived with dad either from what I witnessed.”
Both kids' mothers decided not to take a role in looking after them, so the dad was left to be a single parent to the children. That’s why he decided to rope the teen and his mom into caring for them. The teen also told netizens, “I don't think he knows their maternal grandparents or extended families. I don't remember that much, but I'm pretty sure the families of the women he was with were never around.”
Bored Panda reached out to Diane Gehart, an author, educator, and professor of marriage and family therapy, to get her perspective on this blended family situation. She shared: “Most people significantly underestimate the complexity of successfully establishing a blended family. For example, most parents who remarry begin with wildly unrealistic expectations for how quickly the children will adapt. It typically takes 5 years or more for a blended family to work through the challenges of combining family systems and stabilize.”
According to studies on stepfamilies, nearly 16% of children live in blended families. Around 1,300 new stepfamilies are formed each day, with 40% having at least one partner come with a child from a previous relationship. Research has also shown that what can help a stepfamily be successful is how the children perceive the bonds between their parents. In this case, the boy was not as connected to his dad and hence did not make much effort to bond with his half-siblings, which caused a rift between them.
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
According to Healthline, “it can be really hard on some kids when their family merges with another one, and suddenly they have these new siblings whom they don’t really know — and they’re not sure they like.” The dad also did not do a good job of bridging the gap between his children. Instead, he tried to force their relationship and also tried to rope his ex-wife into sharing in the parenting duties.
Diane Gehart, the expert we interviewed, stated that “there is no single, simple rule book to follow. Each situation is different, and parents need to maintain open communication with their children to facilitate a successful transition in stages that work for everyone involved. Often, professional guidance is invaluable to ensuring a smooth transition.”
It would have been better for the dad to hold a family meeting and bring his kids and ex together. He would then be able to share his thoughts and explain why he felt it was a good idea for all of his family members to come together. Setting up these expectations early on would have given everyone the space to voice their feelings and concerns. Instead, he took the offensive route, which backfired heavily.
What the dad did not seem to understand is that it was his duty to look after his other children, but his ex-wife and son weren’t obligated to serve as their parents or guardians in any way. Luckily the OP put his foot down and set boundaries with his dad. Netizens told him he was right for doing so and that he shouldn’t get guilt-tripped. Why do you think the poster’s father was so insistent on outsourcing his parenting duties? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
People were suspicious about how both women could have decided not to be moms and wondered if the poster’s dad drove his live-in girlfriends away
