Marriage is a private affair. So when father and Reddit user Federal_Weather3786 learned that his daughter decided to tie the knot with her partner, he was ready to offer his full support and blessings.
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However, all of that changed when he met the guy's family. During what was supposed to be a fun little engagement gathering, the dad grew increasingly concerned with their racist tendencies. Eventually, they got so bad that he completely changed his mind about his little girl's future.
Parents hope that by the time their children get married, they are able to pick a partner who can guarantee them a happily ever after
Image credits: Євгенія Височина / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But when this father met his daughter's fiancé, he started seriously doubting her choice
Image credits: Andre Jackson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Federal_Weather3786
Ultimatums usually do not achieve the desired outcome
Image credits: Julia M Cameron / Pexels (not the actual photo)
"If any of us know anything about raising kids (and we do) we know that it's important to be careful when you give your opinions on boyfriends and girlfriends because often, the more you object, the more they want to show you why you're wrong," says Ann Blumenthal Jacobs, the co-author of Love for Grown-ups.
Family therapist Kathy McCoy, Ph.D., agrees. She believes parents who are in this sort of situation shouldn't leap in with unsolicited advice.
"State your concerns calmly and then back off," she explains. Instead, "Get more information about the person—good qualities your adult child sees—to balance your negative impression. Voice your reservations gently—perhaps as questions more than statements—preferably along with a positive comment ... to prevent defensiveness and a communication cut-off with your adult child."
Even if certain scenarios feel like they can only be saved with an ultimatum, it's not the solution.
"Demanding that your child chooses between you and a potential spouse puts you at odds with your son or daughter, whatever choice they make," McCoy says.
"Being present during this life transition, even if your heart is breaking, sends a message of love and emotional support to your adult child. Show up and avoid emotional scenes or recriminations. If your adult child is truly making a terrible mistake, he or she will remember you being there for him or her then and know that you will be with him or her through all the challenges of life."
Plus, there's the possibility that despite your early misgivings, the fit turns out to be a good and lasting one.
As the story went viral, people began offering the man their advice
Some people thought the father was out of his depth
But others supported his decision
