In a marriage, spouses usually share their finances and the one earning more will contribute to the household more because they are a family, so now they both benefit from that. Although the one earning less might be really grateful for their spouse for being fair and spending more, they might feel uncomfortable to let others know about the financial situation, especially if it’s a man earning less.
This man knew his brother was the one earning less and was bothered when he started telling everyone how he bought a house and a car for him and his wife when it was the other way around, taking credit from her. However, the brother was pretty upset that he would bring that up in public and their parents are on the brother’s side.
More info: Reddit
Men earning less money than women makes them feel uncomfortable and this one was so insecure he lied about it when people knew it was not true
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
The person who posted the story–OP–is the brother of the man who lied about his financial status. His name is Luke in this story and Luke’s wife is Jane. The way the OP describes Luke is that he is a good guy but lazy. Even if he wants to earn more money, he won’t work for it. He has a job that pays enough and Luke is content with that.
Jane is also an awesome woman that blended in with the family very quickly. But she is the opposite of Luke career-wise as she has a high-paying job. Because she earns more money, she pays more for everything in the house including the house itself.
Money is a topic that a lot of people find uncomfortable to talk about with others and Luke also doesn’t like people knowing how much money his wife earns and spends when she talks about her purchases in public.
The story is told by that man's brother who was having dinner with him, their parents and their wives
Image credits: kicksjoysharkness
But during family dinner when the topic of savings came up, Luke was not very hesitant to talk about how he bought the house he was living in and the car he was driving. The OP looked at his sister-in-law and she looked a bit annoyed. It was because her husband was taking credit for what she actually achieved but she didn’t say anything.
The OP wasn’t planning on letting it go after his brother joked “yes we have a simple relationship with money, I make it, she spends it!” So the man pointed out that it was actually Jane who paid for all of this and it was unfair to make it seem that she is spending his money when she makes her own and uses it for both of them.
Luke denied that Jane paid for the house and the car, and his brother didn’t continue this dispute as Luke was straight-up lying. But later that evening, the OP got a call from his brother and got yelled at for bringing it up as it was none of his business.
During that dinner, the brother mentioned that he bought a house and a car and that in their relationship, he makes money while the wife spends it
Image credits: kicksjoysharkness
In any other circumstances, it would be truly not his brother’s business how much he earns compared to his wife and who pays for what. But in this case, the OP felt bad for his SIL who works hard and provides for the family but it is not acknowledged.
Actually, Jane appreciated the OP standing up for her because she was probably afraid to say something as she knew it would cause this reaction and preferred to keep the evening peaceful.
In the comments, the OP added that this argument will soon pass and he doesn’t worry about his relationship with his brother, but just wanted to remind him how lucky he is to be in a safe financial position that his wife ensures.
Others agreed that Luke needed being put in his place after tearing down his wife and subjecting her to a sexist joke. The brother started lying first and it’s not like the OP was trying to purposefully undermine him.
The author of the story was irritated because he knew the wife was the breadwinner and she paid for everything, so he decided to say something
Image credits: kicksjoysharkness
A lot of commenters really had a problem with the ‘joke’ Luke told because they thought that even if he was earning more than his wife, it wouldn’t have been appropriate to say. It alludes that women are superficial and start a relationship with a man because they want to splurge their money, which is a nasty stereotype.
It also suggests that women can’t make enough money to cover their expenses on their own as there is a stereotype that they spend a lot more, which is looked down upon.
The Fem Word explains where this stereotype comes from: “a lot of it has to do with popular media. Movies have long depicted female ‘shopaholics’ as main or major characters. The archetypal ‘rich girl’ or heiress is also ubiquitous in Hollywood, and jet-setting celebrities such as the Kardashian sisters or Paris Hilton have only reinforced the image in our popular imagination.”
That stereotype has a negative connotation because women are seen as materialistic and as Eileen Fischer and Stephen Arnold explained in their study, “it is argued that caring about goods diverts people from caring about other people, and defining the self as a commodity diverts people from defining the self in terms of some linkage to community or spirituality.”
At that moment, the brother didn't react, but they later fought over the phone, although Jane was thankful that he stood up for her
Image credits: kicksjoysharkness
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Maybe the husband didn’t mean anything by that, but even if unwillingly, he still painted his wife as the frivolous splurger who takes her husband’s money and has no other aspirations in life when it’s not true.
Do you think Luke’s brother was right to interrupt him and defend his sister-in-law? Do you feel that Luke feels insecure about earning less than his wife and that makes him want to convince other people that it’s not the case? Let us know your theories in the comments.
Readers thought the man did the right thing because the husband was belittling his wife and her accomplishments and needed reminding he should be grateful
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)
