Father and Reddit user Big_Yak_7004 has his hands full every day, figuratively and literally. Somehow, the man manages to work full-time (from home) and raise two kids while his wife pursues a medical career.
So, when she got the chance to go on a cross-country trip for a conference, the woman thought it would be a nice opportunity for the whole family to join her and spend some quality time together in a different environment.
However, her husband thinks that it would bring more stress rather than alleviate it, and isn't so psyched about tagging along.
This dad is the primary parent in his family, and he refused to take the kids to join his wife on her work trip
Image credits: joaquincorbalan/Envato (not the actual photo)
But then, he started feeling really guilty about it, so he asked the internet what to do
Image credits: nebojsa_ki/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Big_Yak_7004
Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum says traveling with children is always going to cause more stress than traveling solo or as a couple
Image credits: honestmum
We got in touch with our parenting expert, Vicki Broadbent, and asked her how different it is to travel with your kids as opposed to without them, and the founder of the popular family blog Honest Mum told Bored Panda, "Children have complex needs and likes depending on their age so everything from their dietary requirements to what to do when they're unwell and a whole host of checklists need to be ticked off before even embarking on a trip.
"Ditto for once you're on vacation, you have a duty of care to your children, and their happiness comes first. Spontaneity is hard and often impossible to come by when you are travelling with children," said Vicki, whose upcoming children's book Greek Myths, Folktales and Legends is already available for preorder.
I don't want to act like an armchair therapist, but having a full-time job and being the primary carer of two young children is a lot of work—certainly enough to burn out and start experiencing chronic parental stress, which is characterized by a parent who is:
- Experiencing physical or emotional exhaustion—or both;
- Feeling shame about their parenting, or that they’re not as good a parent as they used to be;
- Feeling overwhelmed or “fed up” with the role of being a parent;
- Feeling emotionally disconnected from their children.
Despite the author of the post appearing to check a few of these boxes, he also seems to fall into the 60% of parents who don't do anything to relax and recharge.
Parents need to watch out for themselves to avoid burnout
Image credits: Sandra Seitamaa/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Research has shown that moms and dads who are kind to themselves and prioritize self-care have better overall health and well-being.
If (before his inner critic tuned in) sticking to his routine felt like the right move for the dad to preserve his sanity, maybe there's nothing wrong with that.
"Burnout is pervasive and common," Broadbent said. "Society is not set up to support parents, and mothers in particular. The concept of a helpful village isn't available to all and raising a child is the greatest labor a human can undertake physically, mentally, and financially. It is hard and often impractical for parents to take the necessary measures to look after themselves, yet it's critical in raising children."
To retain themselves, the Honest Mum said, parents need to, first and foremost, sleep and rest so that they feel content and energized. "The opposite is usually true, especially in the first year or two of parenthood.
"My advice is to accept help that is often from trusted sources and to try hard to sleep when your baby sleeps. Please speak to your doctor if you are struggling emotionally too. There is no shame in receiving help. Motherhood is the hardest job of all, it's just society has gaslit you into believing that isn't the case. You are not alone," Vicki added.
As the dad's story went viral, he joined the discussion in the comments
Most of which said he’d done nothing wrong
Some, however, felt like he could've handled the situation better
There were also those who, instead of judging, offered their sincerest advice
