What is it that hides behind those beautiful photographs we see of single mothers; the perfectly filtered “selfies”, or the sweet “mommy and me” moments captured? The proud posts about the child who won the spelling bee, or helped mommy make the perfect cake? Even the innocent “work flow selfies” that make that mother look like she has it all figured out? She is other single mothers “goals”, when they feel the weight of their stresses crushing down on them. She is an idol, and is complimented on how together she is, and her strength. You won’t see her turn away from a fellow single mother feeling pain in the struggle of her new reality. Instead, she is there to comfort, to give the most honest and helpful advice. She seems like she can rule the world, and tell you exactly what you need to love yourself and the journey you’re set out to take. Behind every heartwarming photograph, or happy post, there is a mother questioning if she is good enough. Behind those moments, there is a mother feeling guilty for that long overdue night out with friends; a mother stressing every moment and every move she makes, like she isn’t good enough.
We live in a society that is solely based on a filtered perspective of our lives. Too often, people aim to show the world that their life is “picture perfect”, but fail to express the real issues at hand. This is where those people begin to feel alone; like no one understands. This is where those people hide from the world, and find themselves on the brink of disaster, with every passing moment. Don’t stress mama, you aren’t alone. Behind that post about your Little winning their soccer game, I know you were concerned about if you praised them enough; or made them feel special enough. Behind that beautiful “mommy and me date” picture you broadcast, I know you were stressed about finances and the thought of “splurging” in such a way. Behind the photograph of the perfect cake your Little just baked, I know there’s a sink full of dirty dishes, and the lack of energy to get them done. Don’t hide yourself, mama. You’re doing everything you can. Breath, as it will all be okay.
Don’t hide from reality; embrace the flaws of it and push to be greater than the day before.
Picture perfect isn’t so perfect; rawness is. To know you’re not alone is a great sense of relief. It can help us guide one another to an easier routine, and a happier mind. Don’t fret over the untidy house or endless work hours. Use everything as a map to guide you to a better you. A better you is a better life; a better life is a happier family. Our children will learn work ethic, strength, and respect from the struggles you face; depending on how you allow it to affect you. People think we must fake a constant smile in front of our children and lead them to believe that the real world is full of butterflies and rainbows; it’s not. Cry, mama; feel. Allow your children to know that it’s okay to feel and okay to cry. Holding back feelings and emotions lead us to depression, and failure. Cry it out, and push harder the next day. Push until YOU are okay.
Our lives cannot begin to be okay, until we are okay with ourselves. Love yourself, love your strength, and know that you have got this.
Now, I’m not telling you to share every detail of your struggle with your kids. Let them know that sometimes things can be stressful, or frustrating. Use an example to help them understand. Like, “remember when you cried because your favorite toy broke? It was frustrating to you and made you upset, but we figured it out and you got through it!” When you’re feeling caged, let it out! Don’t fear your children seeing you weak; fear them seeing you constantly “perfect”. Parenting isn’t just a lesson for you, but your minis too. We grow from what we live. So don’t stress, Mama. The world is in your hands; it wouldn’t be a world without lessons to learn from.
Keep your beautiful head up, cry your eyes out, have a glass of your favorite wine, and get back to kicking a**.
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