Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered

Redditor u/alvl70charizard told Bored Panda that they're "a huge fan" of the r/AskReddit subreddit. "I find myself often scrolling endlessly reading some of the most passionate people give their opinions and life experiences. The night before posting, I had a conversation with my friends and my partner about the \'little things\' in a relationship. Things like fears, interests, and future goals," they opened up about the inspiration behind the question they asked.

"The conversation was fun and eventful with everyone giving their two cents, but the group quickly moved on to another topic. But like many others, I tend to overanalyze, and found myself asking, 'What’s one thing my partner doesn’t know?' Or, 'What’s one thing I don’t know about my partner?'" the redditor shared how they started thinking more and more about relationships and honesty.

"Now I like to think that my wife and I are super open about our relationship, but surely there’s something we don’t know right? So, I asked her and much to my surprise she said, 'Everything and anything I know you know.' I felt relieved almost instantly, but I figured someone out there needed to answer the question for their own well-being. So, I created the question in the thread!"

Redditor u/alvl70charizard revealed to Bored Panda that, in their opinion, they definitely think that honesty is always the best policy in any romantic relationship. They also practice what they preach. "I think my partner and I have created a space where that is true. If there is something going on in our lives, it’s better to be there together and tackle it head-on as a unit rather than individuals," they mused.

In their view, a partner should 'ideally' be comfortable sharing everything. "But there are situations where withholding information may be for that person’s mental and physical benefit. The question then arises, 'Is that the right thing to do?' I honestly don’t know."

They referred to one of the posts in their thread as an example of how difficult it is to decide on what to do in certain cases: "For example, one of the posts in the thread discussed how a user hadn’t told his wife that her mother called for her right before she passed away. She had left the room just minutes before and he never told her. Personally, I don’t know what I would have done or said in a similar situation."

Situations like that fall into a bit of a grey area and, according to the redditor, "a majority of people would agree it comes down to the person and the situation." In short, there's no easy answer about total whether or not total honesty is possible (or even recommended) in extremely delicate situations that can have a deep, lasting, negative impact on your partner.

"I would just like to add a huge thank you to everyone in the Reddit community that submitted any responses. Especially those that wrote some personal information it means a lot when a community can come together and talk about their lives like we did," the redditor praised their fellow internet users.

Certified relationship coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy. The former can be harmful to a relationship if left unchecked while the latter is a healthy part of living.

She told us during an earlier interview that transparency is vitally important in any relationship that you pursue, but especially in romantic ones. If you’re ever stuck wondering whether or not you should tell your partner something, the first thing you should do is put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they would want.

"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," relationship coach Alex told Bored Panda.

"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place,” she said that we should strongly consider opening up about a secret if it has a direct effect on our loved ones.

Of course, every situation is different and in some cases, a bit of discretion might save our partners a world of hurt. However, that really depends on the secret in question. And the secret-keepers have to take into account the fact that trust is incredibly hard to rebuild after it’s been broken.

Alex said that it is “always a challenge” to rebuild that trust. The bigger the secret, the longer it will take. "For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."