40 People Share What Their Therapists Said That Opened Their Eyes

“The urge to binge lasts 7 minutes”. 

I struggled with binge eating disorder for 20 years and finally sought help last January. I would get the urge to binge around the same time every night, around 9:30. I bought a little sudoku book from the dollar store and played for 10 minutes every time I got the urge to binge. 

Obviously, it took a lot more than that statement for me to begin my recovery, and those 7 minutes were absolutely grueling for the first few months, but I can proudly say I’ve been binge-free since February 1st, 2023. 

There is a difference between “I don’t want to live anymore “ and “I don’t want to live LIKE THIS anymore” - yup, Mrs. Kim, you were right and I’m still around!

She asked if there was anything I wanted to do in my life that I no longer thought I could do. I told her that I wanted to go to law school but that was no longer in the cards for me. She said, “you know that you can still go to law school right? No one has to give you permission.”

I’ll be graduating with my JD in May of next year.
I doubt she understands the true impact of her simple statement that day.

“You show up for other people because no one ever showed up for you, and you don’t ever want anyone else to feel that pain.”

Therapist: “If you were my client while you were a minor i would have absolutely called child services.”
Me: “What? Why? They weren’t perfect, but it’s not like they were abusing me.”
Therapist (after a brief pause): “Not all abuse leaves bruises that others can see.”

She once told me “you don’t have to earn rest”. It hit me hard because I always felt I had to accomplish a certain amount or be productive before I could relax. Hearing that made me realize it’s okay to just be, and that rest is a right, not a reward. It really changed how I approach self-care and balance in my life.

21st century hustle culture is toxic.

“you can be alone, and that’s ok. if only one person ever loves you, even if that person is you, it is enough.”

"You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm"

"When I first read your file I thought for sure I'd see a long history of dysfunctional relationships, violent crime and prison time. Instead you've managed to turn into a relatively normal person. I see 5 different traumas from your childhood, any one of which would be enough to have derailed the life of most people. The fact that you're relatively normal is actually a testament to you as a good person."

Made me cry. Hard to say to people "sure I'm messed up, but at least I deserve some credit for not being anywhere near as messed up as I could be" and have them understand. It was nice to be seen and understood by someone.

A therapist once told me, "You don’t have to fix everything at once. Just start somewhere." It helped me let go of the pressure to be perfect and focus on small steps. It made the bigger issues feel less overwhelming.

“Just because someone is trying their best that doesn’t mean it’s okay.”

For context we were discussing a family member who just sucks at communicating; he often just ignores me, makes no attempts to get to know me as I am now, is generally just not a great family member. He’s trying his best, but it’s not good enough. I don’t have to act like it is.

My therapist and I were discussing how I felt about a pretty deep betrayal from my now ex-wife. I was beating myself up for not seeing how bad she really was when there was plenty of evidence. He wrote down something on his yellow notepad and then held it up right in my face, practically touching my nose.

He said "what's that say?"

I couldn't read it; it was too close to my face. Stepping back from it a bit, it could read it said "you're too close to see it." He was right. I was too close to the problems and the situation to have been able to see it where in retrospect it was so obvious. I stopped beating myself up over it and was able to let it go.

“You’ve brought up how Chipotle sending you just a bowl of beans in a DoorDash order has affected you 9 times in your last 25 visits. I believe you may be autistic.”

Spoiler: I’m autistic.

I had talked recently about my inability to find a partner because I’m looking for XYZ and “not a lot of women fit what I’m looking for.”

She paused for a minute and asked me “well…what kind of partner do YOU want to be?”

Blew my mind. Completely changed my approach to dating.

"Notice the feelings, like leaves on a river. Call them what they are, then let them go, let them float down the river past you. Don't judge yourself for having them, and don't engage with them. Simply acknowledge them, let them go, and move on."

I remember these words vividly because it's a coping strategy I use almost every day.

"You're a people pleaser. And, aren't you a people? So,when is it YOUR turn?"

"You have family, it just looks different." I learned to ignore my blood relatives and call my friends my chosen family. I have the best family now :)

"You can’t control how others treat you, but you can control how long you allow it." That really stuck with me because it shifted the way I approached toxic relationships and situations.

“If you make an intentional, well thought-out decision, how someone else responds to it is none of your business” 

I didn’t believe him for years. 

She made(asked) me sit at a park and look at the children at a playground and asked me how could I at that age of done anything to deserve the abuse. I was in a space where I felt I was to blame somehow. I will never forget my rage at realizing I was a baby.