The initial stages of bringing a new child into the world are universally challenging. This is true for both parents, but especially for the mother. Nevertheless, having a child is an enriching process for most, as it provides a new, profound sense of meaning to your existence.
Today's story covers how a newborn can change the relationship dynamics within a family. A woman approached the Mumsnet community to ask whether she was being unreasonable for refusing to leave her baby with her mother-in-law. The mom had a difficult relationship with her already and was anxious about leaving the child under her supervision.
More Info: Mumsnet
New chapters in life bring in new challenges, some of which can be unpleasant family drama
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
A mom approached an online community to see if she was unreasonable for not wanting to let her mother-in-law hold her newborn
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The mom was set to deliver the baby the next month, but already dreaded the visit of her mother-in-law, due to their bitter past
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
The basis of the mom's fear was that the mother-in-law would be a "baby hog" and would do things without her permission, such as taking the baby out of her sight
Image credits: livelovelasagne
Mom, anxious about her baby being potentially harmed and her husband gaslighted by the mother-in-law, asked for advice online
Not so long ago, a woman approached the Mumsnet online community for advice. The OP (Original Poster) was pregnant with her second child and was due to deliver the next month. The woman was anxious about her MIL's (mother-in-law) visit to their house, as they had a complicated relationship in the past.
The basis of the woman's fear was that she was under the impression that the MIL is a "know-it-all" person, who often commented on her decisions as a parent too. One of the boundaries that the mom insisted upon is the "no kissing rule", which means that the baby can't be held in this way at all. In the meanwhile, the mother-in-law intentionally kept making remarks such as "I can't wait to kiss the baby".
According to the woman, the mother-in-law would've thought that the "baby is hers" and gaslight the husband into thinking that the mom was just being horrible for not letting her show affection to the grandchild. Moreover, another reason for the mom's anxiety was that the MIL had a trip planned in a packed city, the day before the visit. The mom thought that the MIL could bring germs over from the city which could cause harm to the baby.
The thought of letting the mother-in-law hold the baby struck fear and anger in mom's world, and she couldn't shake those feelings at all. In the meantime, the husband thought that the mom was simply being "hormonal". Therefore, being completely bewildered, the mom decided to reach out for an outsider's perspective on the Internet and was met with criticism.
Image credits: prostooleh (not the actual photo)
The common opinion of the community members was that the mom's anxiety was not truly warranted, and a bit too intense. However, the impression was also that the mother-in-law is "hard work", and more suggestions for setting new boundaries were made. Parents indeed experience a wide experience of emotions whilst taking care of their newborn baby. The spectrum ranges from feelings of earnest joy to exhaustion, or in some cases, even depression.
This is especially true for mothers, as they need to recover from childbirth and the very challenging first few months afterward. As covered in a Forbes article, 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression (PPD). It can occur during the pregnancy, or even up to 4 years after in some rare cases. PPD is often coupled with postpartum anxiety (PPA) as well.
It's characterized by excessive worrying and fear of not being able to control all variables to ensure the well-being of the child. However, it can also stretch out to other areas of life as well, such as social anxiety, and worrying about returning to work, or feeding. In some extreme cases, even the father taking care of the baby can cause intense fear for the mother.
Do you think the mom was being too possessive and unreasonable? Have you experienced any similar feelings or been in such circumstances? Let us know in the comments below.
The woman, bewildered about how to deal with her mother-in-law, sought advice online, and the community deemed her anxiety as "irrational"
