Blood might be thicker than water, but, even so, sometimes there are lines that should just not be crossed, especially if it involves discrimination. Othering someone just because they have a disability is extreme ableist behavior and not in the least bit respectful of that person’s feelings.
Reddit user u/throwawayra6769 couldn’t believe it when his own family revealed their true feelings for his disabled wife at what was supposed to be a joyous occasion. Stunned by their disgusting behavior, he warned them to hush up before any more damage was done, then turned to the online community for advice.
More info: Reddit
Guy shocked, angry that his family would insult his disabled wife by not inviting her to wedding
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
“I thought it was a joke” said man who couldn’t believe his family’s bad behavior
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Man’s sister said it’s only reasonable that a brother should always be with his sister during her wedding
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Guy’s ableist family claimed he’s done enough for his wife who can’t walk, needs to pay more attention to his siblings
Image credits: throwawayra6769
“If my wife is not invited, then I'm not invited either” ranted unhappy man
What began as a celebratory family dinner, in honor of OP’s older sister’s upcoming wedding, ended with OP threatening his whole family. In the midst of all the dancing, kidding around, drinking and eating, OP’s disabled wife of 8 months got tired, so he took her upstairs to put her to sleep.
When he came back downstairs, however, OP was in for a nasty surprise because, out of the blue, his sister let him know she would prefer it if his wife didn’t come to her wedding. Thinking it was a joke, OP laughed, but his sister made it clear she wasn’t kidding.
She reasoned that she wanted OP at her side at her wedding, not carrying his disabled wife around. OP responded by saying his wife isn’t a burden, she’s family, and that he would always be there for his sister. That’s when OP’s brothers chimed in, saying OP had done enough for his disabled wife and that he should have married another woman.
OP turned to his dad, who signaled him to just stay calm, but then OP’s mother joined the fray, taking the sides of his siblings and adding that, if his wife was at the wedding, he wouldn’t be able to pay enough attention to his brothers and sister.
Sobered by his family’s bad behavior, OP lost his cool and proceeded to let his family know, in no uncertain terms, that they should hold their tongues before the situation became even more regrettable.
As OP was going upstairs to collect his wife and leave, his family protested that he was being unreasonable, but he told them he wasn’t in the mood to hear any more out of them.
OP and his wife then left, under the guise of OP’s boss giving him an urgent task for the next morning. His family has since kept accusing him of being in the wrong for threatening them.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
From what we can glean from OP’s post, it would definitely seem that his family has been hiding deeply problematic ableist and discriminatory attitudes towards his wife.
According to the Center For Disability Rights, ableism is defined as a set of beliefs or practices that devalue and discriminate against people with physical, intellectual, or psychiatric disabilities, and often rests on the assumption that disabled people need to be ‘fixed’ in one form or another.
Ableism can take many forms, including:
- Lack of compliance with disability rights laws like the ADA
- Segregating students with disabilities into separate schools
- The use of restraint or seclusion as a means of controlling students with disabilities
- Segregating adults and children with disabilities in institutions
- Failing to incorporate accessibility into building design plans
Up to 1 in 4 adults in the United States have some form of disability. That’s around 27% of the population. This group includes people with hearing, vision, cognitive, walking, self-care or independent living difficulties. With so many people living with a disability, it’s alarming that more hasn’t been done to secure their rights.
Those with a disability earned a median of $28,438 in 2021, compared with $40,948 among those without a disability, according to the Census Bureau. That’s blatant discrimination and should be inexcusable.
The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) prohibits discrimination against people with disabilities in several areas, including employment, transportation, public accommodations, communications and access to state and local government’ programs and services. As it relates to employment, Title I of the ADA protects the rights of both employees and job seekers.
In his article for Forbes, freelance writer with lifelong disabilities, Andrew Pulrang, writes that two main questions dominate most discussions about ableism. One is about what does and doesn't “count” as ableism.
The other is about how people with disabilities should or shouldn’t react to ableism. The first is an interesting and sometimes important semantic question. The second is more pragmatic, particularly for disabled folks who actually have to deal with ableism every single day.
What do you think about OP’s predicament? Was he wrong to threaten his family, or is he well within his rights to take action for their despicable behavior? How do you think his wife should react? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
The most upvoted comment on Reddit was “NTA Your family sounds toxic af”
