“My Wedding Day”: 92 Times People Misread Social Cues So Badly, It Still Hurts To Remember

In a nutshell, social cues are all verbal and non-verbal signals people use to communicate their feelings, thoughts, and intentions. They are basically unspoken little guidelines that show you what someone is trying to communicate beyond just what they’re saying aloud.

Typically, if you have higher emotional intelligence, you can read and interpret other people’s feelings. So, you pick up on most social cues more often, which helps you build stronger relationships.

On the other hand, if you tend to miss social cues, you likely struggle with empathy, have lower emotional intelligence, and have a tougher time forming strong, positive relationships. Yes, we all make mistakes in social settings, and no single slip-up is world-breaking, but that should not be an excuse not to put in the effort when communicating.

We should all aim to be more empathetic and emotionally intelligent.

Socially cringey situations like the ones that we’re featuring are likely making you feel embarrassed, uncomfortable, and awkward. That’s typically a good thing because it means that you can easily put yourself in other people’s shoes. Most people are hard-wired for this.

It only becomes an issue if those feelings constantly overwhelm you. (Have any of you had to physically walk away when watching the mind-melting awkwardness featured in The Office, or is that just us?)

Secondhand, aka vicarious embarrassment, happens when you personally experience the feelings of embarrassment, guilt, shame, or discomfort that you witness someone else having. The upside is that you are empathetic. The downside is that this can distract you.

“A lot of times, these feelings can come with anxiety and a fear of negative social evaluation. Anxiety can be distressing and may get in the way of whatever you’re doing in the moment,” says clinical health psychologist Marielle Collins, PhD.

“Witnessing someone else experience embarrassment could increase anxious thoughts about whether a similar experience could happen to you and activate your body’s stress response,” Dr. Collins explains.

“You might be more likely to have second-hand embarrassment if you have a high capacity for empathy. When we think of empathy, we tend to think of having a shared emotional sense with someone where we’re feeling the same pain as them. But the thing with vicarious embarrassment is it can also happen when the person themselves isn’t embarrassed in that moment.”

If you find yourself overwhelmed with feeling the sometimes icky and uncomfortable emotions of others, there are a few simple things that you can do. For one, remind yourself that you’re human and that empathy is a positive thing. Experiencing uncomfortable emotions is not a ‘bad’ thing. What you can do is accept what you’re feeling right now, without judgment, and then let those feelings pass on their own.

Secondly, if you’re overwhelmed with secondhand embarrassment, you should stop whatever you’re doing, take a break, focus on your breathing, observe what’s happening in your body, and go forward mindfully. Ask yourself what it is that you can do right now to be helpful to both you and other people.

And lastly, check in with the people around you after you have had a particularly strong reaction to social embarrassment.

“We all have automatic responses that don’t necessarily represent how we feel. If you’re going to have an open conversation about a seemingly negative reaction you had, start by asking them about how they’re feeling and use that same capacity for empathy to listen and validate their experience before clarifying your reaction,” says Dr. Collins.

“We feel what we feel, and when we judge ourselves for feeling a certain way, it tends to make everything worse. Trying to be mindful, curious, and observe is good, but harboring guilt and shame doesn’t help anyone.”

Once you’ve read through all these stories and upvoted the ones that made you wince with social pain the most, we’d like to hand the conversation over to you.

What are the most awkward and embarrassing moments when you have recently misread social cues? What are your biggest regrets about something you said or did in a social setting that you still can’t get over, even after so many years?

If you’re feeling particularly brave and vulnerable today, share what you have been through in the comments.