Being a parent is definitely a full-time job. If your child has a nightmare and needs to be comforted in the middle of the night, Mom and Dad are on-call. And there’s no such thing as a day off without any responsibilities. Soccer practice, Girl Scouts and birthday parties might take up the entire weekend!
While all parents deserve rest and need to make sure they don’t burn out, it’s important that one spouse doesn’t leave the other to handle all parenting responsibilities. One man recently posted on Reddit seeking advice after his wife decided she wants to go on a month-long vacation, leaving her husband and baby at home. So below, you’ll find the fully story, as well as a conversation with CEO and Founder of Building Positive Relationships, Katariina Räike.
Parenting is a full-time job that provides very little rest
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But when this man’s wife decided she needs a month-long trip away from her family, he had some concerns
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Image source: ThrowRA_WifeTrip2
Later, the husband shared an update on the situation
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Image source: throwRA_WifeTrip3
The father also answered some questions from readers and shared more background information
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"Having our own interests and friends even when married contributes to our overall well-being"
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to CEO and Founder of Building Positive Relationships, Katariina Räike. As a marriage mentor and relationship coach, Katariina says that it's extremely common for spouses to notice that their relationship has changed after having a child.
"It’s actually been studied that becoming a father who is present creates changes in a man's brain!" the expert shared. "No wonder the new mother is experiencing major changes in herself, obviously physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. When all these changes are put together, it really creates one of the most challenging stages in a relationship."
Katariina also says it's healthy for spouses and parents to have time away from their families every now and then. "Having our own interests and friends even when married contributes to our overall well-being," she told Bored Panda. "Spending time alone is also good, especially if we have more introverted tendencies. That’s when we recover when on our own rather than in company, and it is good to recognize this."
The expert also noted that there are plenty of tools that can be used to find common ground in a disagreement but, it all comes down to each party's willingness to do that. "The 'appropriate' amount of time to be away is something each couple can decide for themselves, however their child’s development stage needs to be taken into consideration at all times, and child psychology recommendations should be followed."
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"The ability to recognize and communicate what we want and need is something we all have to learn"
The marriage mentor also shared some wise words for this specific couple. "When things have gotten to a point where everyone is in a negative state and emotions run high as the father expressed, it’s best to take time away from the topic," Katariina recommends. "In a negative state, a good solution cannot be found."
"They both should take a couple of days to explore their feelings and to understand the deeper desires and needs that are behind the thought for the wife to go, and for the husband to not let her go," she continued. "The answer to the situation and the opportunity to grow and learn can be found there. If the decision is made or forced by one or the other, the same situation will probably come up again in one form or another."
"The ability to recognize and communicate what we want and need is something we all have to learn," Katariina shared. "If we don’t do that, unless we marry a mind-reader, things get very complicated sooner or later due to the resentment and disappointment that build up, as we leave our dreams, wishes and hopes unsaid."
It’s important for parents to be mindful of burnout and how to prevent it
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Being a parent can be a magical, rewarding experience. But it can also be extremely challenging, especially when a child is young. The Guardian reports that during a baby’s first four months of life, their mother is getting an average of only three and a half hours of sleep per night. One third of moms get even less than three hours per night during this time. And as we all know, lack of sleep can cause adverse effects in all aspects of our lives.
Half of mothers said not getting enough sleep caused them to have more arguments with their partners, and 13% said they almost split up due to these fights. 83% also noted that they had no desire to have sex due to their exhaustion, and 94% of moms said they would rather sleep than do anything else. And while getting up to soothe a crying baby is exhausting for both parents, when one is breastfeeding, a bit more pressure tends to be put on them.
Parental burnout is real, and it can lead to brain fog, irritability, confusion, forgetfulness, increased stress levels, depression, feelings of isolation, poor sleep and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. To avoid burnout, WebMD recommends that parents communicate their feelings with their partner when they’re becoming overwhelmed, try to fuel their bodies with healthy meals and get enough exercise.
It is also important for parents to get breaks, but they all deserve them. A weekend away can work wonders, but a long trip can be counterproductive if it leaves your partner stressed out trying to juggle all of the responsibilities at home. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes, look no further than right here.
Readers shared their thoughts on the situation and warned the husband that his wife must be exhausted
