40 Times People Asked The Internet To "Toast" Them And Got Exactly That

Offering a compliment has been shown to benefit both the giver and receiver, but we often hold back because we're worried about how we’ll come off, says Erica Boothby, a social psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, who has studied the positive effects of compliments.

"Will I make the other person feel awkward?" Will the compliment seem fake or pandering?" These types of questions bother us.

But "the reality is, [our compliments] are usually much more welcome than we expect," she explains. "And we are overly, unnecessarily pessimistic."

A study by researchers at technology company Intel and Duke University in the US shows that verbal praise is even more effective at increasing productivity than cash bonuses.

"People generally don't realize that something so small could have such a big impact," explains Vanessa Bohns, a professor of social psychology at Cornell University and author of You Have More Influence Than You Think.

Working with Dr. Boothby at the University of Pennsylvania, she asked participants to go to an assigned location on campus and deliver a small compliment to a random stranger. (To reduce potential misunderstandings about their motives, the participants were asked to approach someone of the same gender.)

To check their preconceptions, the participants first had to estimate how pleased, flattered, or awkward the receiver would feel following the praise. After they delivered the comment, they then gave the recipient a sealed envelope containing a short survey questioning how the stranger actually felt about the exchange.

The researchers found that the participants significantly under-estimated how happy the other person would be to hear the praise, and significantly over-estimated how cringeworthy they would find the encounter. "They felt like this interaction was going to go super awkwardly, and that they would be kind of clumsy in their delivery," explains Bohns. But the real exchange was way more pleasant.

If you want to compliment a stranger in real life as opposed to the internet, it's a good idea to size up their body language first. This will allow you to better understand if they want to be approached or not.

But there might be additional "tells" too. For example, if someone has clearly made an effort to dress up, a phrase like "I adore that pastel blue blazer" can go a long way.

Try to keep it upbeat, short, and keep moving, so that people are reassured that you don't have an agenda. And sincere! "You shouldn't go around giving empty compliments you don't genuinely feel," Dr. Boothby says.

If you're complimenting someone you already know personally, see if you can make it distinctive. For instance, instead of saying that you like the sound of their laugh, say how it makes you feel: "Hearing you laugh makes me want to laugh, too."

And if you're complimenting something someone has done, try to explain why you admire it: instead of "You made such a tasty dinner," you can say "You're always so good at finding a new recipe and being in the kitchen."

Personalizing a compliment with context takes it to another level and makes the person feel even more valued.

Many people are at odds with their inner critic, but the truth is that you probably can't get better at giving compliments without actually giving compliments!