When one partner finds out about the other one’s cheating, they can choose to end the relationship or work through things. It’s painful to learn that one’s partner developed a connection with someone else and was willing to put everything at risk for it. The tougher part is if you suspect something fishy, but they deny it.
A Redditor learned that her husband had sent large sums of money from their joint account to an ex-coworker. When she confronted him, he refused to admit to cheating, but she felt there was more to it.
More info: Reddit
Wife is brought to the brink of divorce due to husband’s lies about why he secretly sent his female “friend” money over the last 8 months
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Woman found out her husband took out a loan of $4100 to send to his ex-coworker, when she confronted him, he lied a few times and ultimately admitted he sent it to a lady
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
The poster mentioned she makes 2x what he does, so he had essentially sent $6400 of her money to the woman over the course of 8 months
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
The man said that his relationship with his ex-coworker was platonic, but his wife did not believe him and decided to get a divorce
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
Her lawyer said that she could sell the house and give him half the profit so that she could protect her retirement money
Image credits: Starry__lights
Nobody could have imagined that a 22-year-long relationship would have ended this way
In this unfortunate situation, the woman’s husband was spending money from their joint account to give to his ex-coworker. He had taken out a loan and even sent her a lot of money in prior months. But when his wife confronted him, he made many excuses that she debunked over time. Finally, he admitted to secretly sending money to the woman he knew.
This seems like a classic case of financial infidelity where one partner intentionally lies to the other about their spending habits. This is more common than you’d imagine. Research by Ramsey Solutions found that one in three married couples admit to having a credit card their spouse doesn’t know about. They also noted that nearly 41% of married couples believe fighting is almost inevitable when discussing money matters.
To gain a better understanding of financial infidelity, Bored Panda contacted Lindsay Bryan-Podvin (LMSW), a financial therapist, behavioral finance expert, and consultant to Bread Financial. She provided a deeper understanding of the term, saying, “financial infidelity may include hiding debt or large purchases, or it could include taking out loans or giving money to others without their partner's knowledge.”
“According to data from Bread Financial's-Love is in the Wallet survey, 48% of coupled respondents admitted to financial infidelity, with more than 16% of these respondents hiding a purchase from their partner because they were embarrassed. Another reason for financial secrets is wanting financial autonomy. In fact, 46% of coupled respondents say maintaining financial independence is the biggest reason they don't share a bank account with their partner,” she added.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Healthy financial communication is essential for the overall health of the relationship. A Forbes Advisor survey of 1,000 divorcees found that finances were among the top reasons for conflict between them and their spouses. It’s no wonder that the poster immediately thought of ending her 22-year-long marriage over this financial infidelity.
We asked Lindsay what couples could do to have a better financial relationship. She said, “if you think you and your partner may have different mindsets, the first step is understanding where your partner is coming from. Ask curious and compassionate questions to help you learn more about their money values. Questions like, ‘Why is saving more than a recommended emergency fund important to you?’ or ‘Spending on travel and dining out seems to be your go-to when it comes to spending. Why are those categories so significant for you?’ can be helpful in starting the conversation.”
The most essential thing is to approach any conversations about money with a nonjudgemental attitude and to make your partner feel comfortable enough to share the emotions behind their money habits. But, when it comes to more difficult situations like financial infidelity, Lindsay mentioned one important thing. She said, “if you find out your partner has been hiding a financial secret, don't wait to address it.”
“Clearly share what you know, ask them why they were doing it, what the plan is for the indiscretion to stop, and make an informed and grounded decision about how you want to respond. Engaging in couples' therapy and creating a new financial management system that blends transparency and autonomy is the best solution for some couples. For others, separation might be the best course of action. Each partnership is different, and there is no hard-and-fast rule about what type of financial infidelity is worth working through or not,” she clarified.
If the poster’s husband were truly just “friends” with his ex-coworker, he would not have found the need to hide any of his actions from his wife. The kicker was that he used her money and their joint savings to pay the other woman. What would you have done if you discovered your partner was doing something like this? Share your most creative tips for dealing with such a bizarre situation.
People could not believe the husband’s brazen behavior and urged the woman to find the best divorce lawyer possible
