If you’re married, you probably already know this: having a great partner matters, but having decent in-laws can make or break your peace. In-laws have a unique power—they can turn everyday life into a supportive, loving experience… or into a constant source of stress you never signed up for.
Today, we’ve rounded up some of the worst mother-in-law stories of 2025, and yes, “monster-in-law” might be the more accurate term. From boundary-crossing behavior to jaw-dropping entitlement, these tales show just how difficult family dynamics can get. Keep reading to see the stories that had people shaking their heads in disbelief.
#1
MIL basically kidnapped my baby
I made a throwaway for this because my husband knows my username and I don't feel like being surrounded by anymore drama right now.
So a little back story. My husband is an only child. His mom has always been very involved. We got along somewhat but she always sort of crossed some lines. She has a key to our house for emergency purposes only because she lives 4 blocks away.
I had our daughter 4 weeks ago. She has been over at least three days every week since I've had her. She's always telling me what I am doing wrong and how she'd do things so differently. Baby is up every two hours at night and she insists she'd sleep through the night if she could stay at grandmas. I told her I'm not comfortable sending a breastfed baby away over night at 4 weeks. This last week she kept pushing the issue no matter how many times I said no.
Last night we put the baby in her crib. We stopped room sharing because the baby was so loud I could get no sleep what so ever so my husband has been getting her when it's time for her to feed. Husband fell asleep early and I dozed off. I woke up four hours later and started to panic because she hadn't made any noise. I was sure she had died of sids. I went into her room and she was gone. I froze and started screaming her name around the house like she would somehow pop out like it was all a joke. My husband woke up in a panic and just screamed "what's going on!!" Over and over. I ran to my phone to call 911 and saw a picture message from my MIL of my sleeping baby in her arms with the caption "sleepover at gamgams". I was immediately enraged. I screamed so hard I almost vomited. I called her and saw red. I told her I was coming to get the baby and she would never see her again and to never contact our family again.
My husband decided it was best if he went to get her. When he came back he said his mother decides for let herself in and "give us a break" that she was sure we'd hear the text and she thought we would be thanking her for a nights sleep.
I do not give a frick. I hate her. I cannot forgive her for this. My husband thinks I need to calm down. That we just need to get our key back. His lack of urgency about the situation makes me want to divorce him. We have never had any issues before this but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I already had PPA and now it's through the roof. I don't feel safe in my own home with my family. I hate my MIL. I hate my husband. When I think about what happened I sob uncontrollably. I can't sleep now that I know I can't protect my baby when I sleep. I can't believe I did not wake up. I feel like the most horrible mother. If any danger really came I would have let my daughter down.
Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce or for never wanting to see my MIL again? My husband and MIL think it's my hormones and I have overreacted. Am I overreacting?? I just needed to talk about it with noninvolved parties. I have no friends or family for hundreds of miles.
Oh and she also fed her formula while she had her but that's the least of my worries. It still infuriates me because breastfeeding has been really hard for us.
Update: I just wanted to give everyone a quick update. I didn't respond but I've read every comment and the support I got has meant so much to me. I bawled reading them because I finally felt like someone was on my side. I called my mom late last night and I got a hotel. I refused to tell my husband where I was going but told him the baby and I would be safe. My mom is disgusted about what I've been through. She's getting on a plane today to come help me. This entire experience has pushed me to the point that I need therapy so today my first order of business is getting a therapist set up asap. I decided to go alone for a while and when I'm ready, go with my husband to see if there is a chance to move past this. Right now I still don't want to but I also agree I'm not in the place to make life changing decisions.
I made a throwaway for this because my husband knows my username and I don't feel like being surrounded by anymore drama right now.
So a little back story. My husband is an only child. His mom has always been very involved. We got along somewhat but she always sort of crossed some lines. She has a key to our house for emergency purposes only because she lives 4 blocks away.
I had our daughter 4 weeks ago. She has been over at least three days every week since I've had her. She's always telling me what I am doing wrong and how she'd do things so differently. Baby is up every two hours at night and she insists she'd sleep through the night if she could stay at grandmas. I told her I'm not comfortable sending a breastfed baby away over night at 4 weeks. This last week she kept pushing the issue no matter how many times I said no.
Last night we put the baby in her crib. We stopped room sharing because the baby was so loud I could get no sleep what so ever so my husband has been getting her when it's time for her to feed. Husband fell asleep early and I dozed off. I woke up four hours later and started to panic because she hadn't made any noise. I was sure she had died of sids. I went into her room and she was gone. I froze and started screaming her name around the house like she would somehow pop out like it was all a joke. My husband woke up in a panic and just screamed "what's going on!!" Over and over. I ran to my phone to call 911 and saw a picture message from my MIL of my sleeping baby in her arms with the caption "sleepover at gamgams". I was immediately enraged. I screamed so hard I almost vomited. I called her and saw red. I told her I was coming to get the baby and she would never see her again and to never contact our family again.
My husband decided it was best if he went to get her. When he came back he said his mother decides for let herself in and "give us a break" that she was sure we'd hear the text and she thought we would be thanking her for a nights sleep.
I do not give a frick. I hate her. I cannot forgive her for this. My husband thinks I need to calm down. That we just need to get our key back. His lack of urgency about the situation makes me want to divorce him. We have never had any issues before this but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I already had PPA and now it's through the roof. I don't feel safe in my own home with my family. I hate my MIL. I hate my husband. When I think about what happened I sob uncontrollably. I can't sleep now that I know I can't protect my baby when I sleep. I can't believe I did not wake up. I feel like the most horrible mother. If any danger really came I would have let my daughter down.
Am I overreacting for wanting a divorce or for never wanting to see my MIL again? My husband and MIL think it's my hormones and I have overreacted. Am I overreacting?? I just needed to talk about it with noninvolved parties. I have no friends or family for hundreds of miles.
Oh and she also fed her formula while she had her but that's the least of my worries. It still infuriates me because breastfeeding has been really hard for us.
Update: I just wanted to give everyone a quick update. I didn't respond but I've read every comment and the support I got has meant so much to me. I bawled reading them because I finally felt like someone was on my side. I called my mom late last night and I got a hotel. I refused to tell my husband where I was going but told him the baby and I would be safe. My mom is disgusted about what I've been through. She's getting on a plane today to come help me. This entire experience has pushed me to the point that I need therapy so today my first order of business is getting a therapist set up asap. I decided to go alone for a while and when I'm ready, go with my husband to see if there is a chance to move past this. Right now I still don't want to but I also agree I'm not in the place to make life changing decisions.
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39points
#2
Dear Prudence,
My mother-in-law hates me and makes no bones about it when she and I are alone. My husband doesn’t believe me, and she even gloats about that. We have to attend family functions at her home about once a month. (It used to be more frequent, but after I put my foot down, my husband agreed that monthly would be sufficient.) The problem is that after each visit, I wind up with a bad case of diarrhea; my husband does not. I don’t know if the other in-laws are affected, because if I asked, it would get back to her. I suspect that my mother-in-law is putting something in my food or drink. Last time, I barely made it home before being struck down. Now I am considering getting some “adult undergarments” to make sure I don’t ruin the car’s upholstery on the ride home from her place. Do you have any other advice?
Dear Running,
In the great old Cary Grant movie Suspicion, director Alfred Hitchcock has a scene in which possible murderer Grant is bringing a glass of milk to his wife, played by Joan Fontaine, and no beverage has ever looked so malign. Just as Fontaine wasn’t sure if she was being poisoned, you aren’t either.
It’s possible you’ve entered a Pavlovian cycle in which when you eat your mother-in-law’s food your digestive tract automatically goes into overdrive, or that there is some ingredient she regularly uses which just doesn’t agree with you.
It’s also possible she’s trying to harm you. I’ve been reading a fascinating book, The Poisoner’s Handbook, about poisoners in the early 20th century—it was a popular way to off someone—and the new forensic scientists who exposed them. Peek at your mother-in-law’s Kindle to see if she’s downloaded this.
The next time you go for dinner at her house, after the food is served but before you begin eating, you and your husband should agree to swap plates and cups. If you mother-in-law screams to her son, “Don’t eat that!” case closed, Sherlock. Of course, this would require your husband to take your concerns seriously. It’s alarming to think your mother-in-law might be deliberately sickening you.
Equally distressing is the fact that your husband does not believe you when you describe her malicious behavior. You need to tell your husband that after becoming repeatedly ill at your in-law’s house, you have become afraid for your health. Tell him you are also afraid for your marriage because he apparently believes you are a liar—which you are not—when it comes to his mother. Say that he needs to take seriously the fact that she says ugly things when you and she are alone, and you are not going to stand for it anymore. If that doesn’t result in his attention and concern, then you may need to move to your mother’s.
My mother-in-law hates me and makes no bones about it when she and I are alone. My husband doesn’t believe me, and she even gloats about that. We have to attend family functions at her home about once a month. (It used to be more frequent, but after I put my foot down, my husband agreed that monthly would be sufficient.) The problem is that after each visit, I wind up with a bad case of diarrhea; my husband does not. I don’t know if the other in-laws are affected, because if I asked, it would get back to her. I suspect that my mother-in-law is putting something in my food or drink. Last time, I barely made it home before being struck down. Now I am considering getting some “adult undergarments” to make sure I don’t ruin the car’s upholstery on the ride home from her place. Do you have any other advice?
Dear Running,
In the great old Cary Grant movie Suspicion, director Alfred Hitchcock has a scene in which possible murderer Grant is bringing a glass of milk to his wife, played by Joan Fontaine, and no beverage has ever looked so malign. Just as Fontaine wasn’t sure if she was being poisoned, you aren’t either.
It’s possible you’ve entered a Pavlovian cycle in which when you eat your mother-in-law’s food your digestive tract automatically goes into overdrive, or that there is some ingredient she regularly uses which just doesn’t agree with you.
It’s also possible she’s trying to harm you. I’ve been reading a fascinating book, The Poisoner’s Handbook, about poisoners in the early 20th century—it was a popular way to off someone—and the new forensic scientists who exposed them. Peek at your mother-in-law’s Kindle to see if she’s downloaded this.
The next time you go for dinner at her house, after the food is served but before you begin eating, you and your husband should agree to swap plates and cups. If you mother-in-law screams to her son, “Don’t eat that!” case closed, Sherlock. Of course, this would require your husband to take your concerns seriously. It’s alarming to think your mother-in-law might be deliberately sickening you.
Equally distressing is the fact that your husband does not believe you when you describe her malicious behavior. You need to tell your husband that after becoming repeatedly ill at your in-law’s house, you have become afraid for your health. Tell him you are also afraid for your marriage because he apparently believes you are a liar—which you are not—when it comes to his mother. Say that he needs to take seriously the fact that she says ugly things when you and she are alone, and you are not going to stand for it anymore. If that doesn’t result in his attention and concern, then you may need to move to your mother’s.
Report
26points
#3
My MIL called CPS on me
This caught me by surprise for a few reasons. First of all, she hasn’t been a JN in the past. We weren’t best friends or anything but it was all pleasant and fine.
Second though—and this is the big one—I don’t have kids.
She called CPS while I was babysitting my friend’s 7 year old boy. What she actually alleged to CPS, I’ll never know the full extent of. But they came to do a welfare check, thank God, the little boy’s mom was late dropping him off.
So CPS is demanding to know where my kids are. Confused, I’m telling them I have no idea what they’re talking about. They ask if I don’t know where my kids are or I’ve lost them. I’m so flustered I keep insisting I don’t have kids. They warn me I can’t hide my kids from them and I tell them I don’t know how they expect me to prove it but I don’t have kids and they can call anyone who knows me or go to any neighbor’s house.
Finally they give me more details when they realize I’m not playing dumb and I realize they mean the little boy.
It’s about this time that the little boy and his mother arrived. So that was mortifying. They asked the mother all this awful questions and they asked the boy all these awful questions that terrified him half to death.
I had no idea who would think to call CPS on me. Especially because I don’t have kids, but also because I don’t babysit professionally, I just do it as a favor to this friend while she’s going through a divorce and doesn’t have two people at home for childcare like she’s used to.
And then, of course, because I’ve never hurt a child and would never hurt a child and would give my own life before I’d hurt a child.
Now, how do I know she called? Because we didn’t tell anyone about this bizarre incident while we struggled to determine who’d do such a thing and why (and because it was traumatic and embarrassing and I didn’t want people to know about it.)
Yet, my MIL happened to be over recently and this boy was dropped off. And she said “His mother still lets you watch him even after you were investigated?!”
So... that caught my attention. I confronted her, that got nowhere. My husband confronted her and she said she called them out of concern for the little boy because I don’t have any childcare experience and she wanted to make sure he was ok and I was “doing everything right.” Accusatorily reminding me of the time I let him stay up until 10:00pm. As a reason she called child protective services.
My husband let her know we weren’t buying that story and she said she was just trying to protect us as well because the kid’s parents are divorced and she worried I was unknowingly KIDNAPPING the kid by babysitting him without his father’s full permission and consent (because the mother drops him off.)
After a few more bogus lies and my excusing myself before I actually physically tried to hurt her, she broke down and confessed she was doing it to make it harder for us to adopt a baby.
It’s medically very risky for me to become pregnant. DH is her only son and apparently she sees my condition and subsequent preference to adopt as an intentional attack against her to “end her bloodline.”
She thought if we had a record with CPS, we’d be unable to adopt and forced to try to conceive naturally if we wanted kids.
Thankfully since they found the mother left her son there intentionally and there was no neglect and my house was safe and clean, it will he closed, and we’ve got a lawyer who says it will soon be expunged from our records entirely.
I haven’t been able to dwell on it because I don’t want to share that I was investigated by CPS with anyone if I can help it. I just worry that even telling the backstory creates too much of a “bit what if the MIL noticed real abuse” connotation. But I’m still deeply hurt by her actions and just engulfed with rage that she’d try to stand between my husband and I having the family we want because it isn’t exactly how she imagined it.
So I’m googling companies that will make me a custom voodoo doll or piñata of her face. Seething. And posting here.
This caught me by surprise for a few reasons. First of all, she hasn’t been a JN in the past. We weren’t best friends or anything but it was all pleasant and fine.
Second though—and this is the big one—I don’t have kids.
She called CPS while I was babysitting my friend’s 7 year old boy. What she actually alleged to CPS, I’ll never know the full extent of. But they came to do a welfare check, thank God, the little boy’s mom was late dropping him off.
So CPS is demanding to know where my kids are. Confused, I’m telling them I have no idea what they’re talking about. They ask if I don’t know where my kids are or I’ve lost them. I’m so flustered I keep insisting I don’t have kids. They warn me I can’t hide my kids from them and I tell them I don’t know how they expect me to prove it but I don’t have kids and they can call anyone who knows me or go to any neighbor’s house.
Finally they give me more details when they realize I’m not playing dumb and I realize they mean the little boy.
It’s about this time that the little boy and his mother arrived. So that was mortifying. They asked the mother all this awful questions and they asked the boy all these awful questions that terrified him half to death.
I had no idea who would think to call CPS on me. Especially because I don’t have kids, but also because I don’t babysit professionally, I just do it as a favor to this friend while she’s going through a divorce and doesn’t have two people at home for childcare like she’s used to.
And then, of course, because I’ve never hurt a child and would never hurt a child and would give my own life before I’d hurt a child.
Now, how do I know she called? Because we didn’t tell anyone about this bizarre incident while we struggled to determine who’d do such a thing and why (and because it was traumatic and embarrassing and I didn’t want people to know about it.)
Yet, my MIL happened to be over recently and this boy was dropped off. And she said “His mother still lets you watch him even after you were investigated?!”
So... that caught my attention. I confronted her, that got nowhere. My husband confronted her and she said she called them out of concern for the little boy because I don’t have any childcare experience and she wanted to make sure he was ok and I was “doing everything right.” Accusatorily reminding me of the time I let him stay up until 10:00pm. As a reason she called child protective services.
My husband let her know we weren’t buying that story and she said she was just trying to protect us as well because the kid’s parents are divorced and she worried I was unknowingly KIDNAPPING the kid by babysitting him without his father’s full permission and consent (because the mother drops him off.)
After a few more bogus lies and my excusing myself before I actually physically tried to hurt her, she broke down and confessed she was doing it to make it harder for us to adopt a baby.
It’s medically very risky for me to become pregnant. DH is her only son and apparently she sees my condition and subsequent preference to adopt as an intentional attack against her to “end her bloodline.”
She thought if we had a record with CPS, we’d be unable to adopt and forced to try to conceive naturally if we wanted kids.
Thankfully since they found the mother left her son there intentionally and there was no neglect and my house was safe and clean, it will he closed, and we’ve got a lawyer who says it will soon be expunged from our records entirely.
I haven’t been able to dwell on it because I don’t want to share that I was investigated by CPS with anyone if I can help it. I just worry that even telling the backstory creates too much of a “bit what if the MIL noticed real abuse” connotation. But I’m still deeply hurt by her actions and just engulfed with rage that she’d try to stand between my husband and I having the family we want because it isn’t exactly how she imagined it.
So I’m googling companies that will make me a custom voodoo doll or piñata of her face. Seething. And posting here.
26points
As 2025 comes to a close, many of us are already thinking about what we want to do differently in 2026. If one of your goals is to improve a relationship, whether it’s with an in-law, your partner, an aunt, a friend, or anyone close, communication is a great place to start. So often, we assume the other person understands how we feel or what we need. The truth is, they usually don’t. Small misunderstandings can quietly turn into big resentments when no one talks them through. Being open doesn’t mean starting a fight; it means creating space for honesty. Sometimes, a simple conversation can prevent years of tension. And while it may feel uncomfortable at first, clarity is often kinder than silence.
#4
I(F30) divorced my ex Husband (M36) because of my MIL(F60s) and suddenly he wants back in
I will be rambling a little as I am very mad right now. Sorry for my bad English. It is not my first language
My Ex and I were married for well over 5 years and together for 10. His mother was a nightmare. She would spent her time belitteling me and tried humiliating me. I could take it as i loved my husband and didn't want to make him choose between her or me.
Of course I would always tell him what she would be doing and he would always brush it off as her being "a loving and over protecting mom"
When she would say something racist ( I am Hispanic and they are white) he would laugh it off, when she would make a comment of me being a gold digger ( even tho I earned more than my Ex) he would just say "Oh mom ". He would also get mad at me if I ever stood up for myself.
But the straw that broke the camels back is when we had our daughter. My MIL would always try to parent her and say that i would do something wrong.
My daughter has an irritable colon and she can not ingest any kind of oils or artificial things. And guess what that looney of a Woman did??
She fed my 3 year old daughter essential oils( she is not anti vaxx, just very stupid) to make her go to sleep. She was in the ICU. I had it and i confronted my husband who said " she only did what she thought was best ".
I lost it. I went to my parents and drafted a divorce agreement. (That's the best course of action. I saw a post earlier describing a situation that is much more dangerous than mine involving allergens and an EpiPen.)
His face was like that Pikachu Meme when i served him. He didn't know why i was doing that because we were "happy".
So now a year has passed and my life was hell. My Monster in law tried every dirty trick in the book to take my daughter . To name a few:
• She accused my brother of molesting her
• She accused me of neglect
• She accused me of taking illegal meds and leaving them in reach of a toddler (I take thyroxin for heavens sake!)
• She accused me of endangering my daughter by leaving random man in my house
• The list goes on
During this time the excuse of my ex was that i broke his heart and i had to understand his mother. She only wants what's best for him.
Luckily i got good representation and even got my daughter full time minus some weekends or visitation . I could prove that my daughter was endangered by his mother.
So now to the advice part.
I knew that my ex needed to be permanently in my life because of my daughter. And i was learning to live with that. He was very cold with me because again.. i broke his heart.
Now 2 things have come together:
• My ex BIL got married to an African American woman, so of course my ex MIL flipped
• I started dating again
My BIL is a great guy and he actually stood up for his wife ( !!! go figure it is possible). I stay in contact with him because we are friends and he was a mediator and fought with his brother quite often. So my BIL actually stood up for his wife and my ex husband got his panties in a twist, my BIL basically opened his eyes how shitty he was being. And that their mom treated me the same way she treated his wife. And finally my dense ex started understanding.
They guy I am seeing is great. I have even met his parents and his mother is normal. She treats me like a human being and has invited me already to many family functions and tries to make me and my daughter feel welcomed. My ex got wind from the situation trough a mutual friend and guess who is now flipping his stuff?
He started bringing flowers and chocolate ( I don't even like chocolate!!!) to pick up our daughter. He sends me cards and sms with hearts and who knows what.
Yesterday was the "best thing". My daughter was at my mothers place and i was at home with my boyfriend. He appears in front of my door crying and clutching my engagement ring begging me to come back.
I said no and that he should go away. He wouldn't and started demanding that i come out to talk to him. My boyfriend told him that he would call the police ,and in his pathetic fashion he threatened to beat my boyfriend up.
I closed the door and let him pound sand.
Today he picked up my daughter for a day trip and when they came back my daughter was asking if i loved my boyfriend more than her.
Now I am at a loss to what to do. I already told my daughter that it was impossible because my love for her is infinite and there is nothing bigger than infinite.
But now i know that my ex is trying to make my daughter hate me .I am at a loss because i won't use my daughter as ammunition. But also....what the hell am i supposed to do??I will never return with that man but i can't take the father of my daughter. Do you guys have any advice?
Edit /mini update : thanks you all! I needed to vent and was feeling helpless and am so thankful for you wonderful people.
I talked to my lawyer who confirmed that we could have a case for domestic violence by proxy. A social worker will be visiting us in the next few days to talk to my daughter about this.
Edit : because apparently people want to spin the world narrative on me. I don't care if he wants me back I don't love him anymore and will never get back together with him Staying for the sake of our daughter would not make sense as it has been proven that the kids grow up happier and divorced homes than unhappy homes.
I tried talking to my husband when we were still married and he would always brush it off. He would brush off everything his mother did. I complained to him and told him we needed go to therapy which he declined.
He has his daughter on the weekends. The court gave ne majority custody because of his mother.
Jeezs guys I guess in some of yalls eyes I should have kept being by my ex side às a submissive bimbo.
I will be rambling a little as I am very mad right now. Sorry for my bad English. It is not my first language
My Ex and I were married for well over 5 years and together for 10. His mother was a nightmare. She would spent her time belitteling me and tried humiliating me. I could take it as i loved my husband and didn't want to make him choose between her or me.
Of course I would always tell him what she would be doing and he would always brush it off as her being "a loving and over protecting mom"
When she would say something racist ( I am Hispanic and they are white) he would laugh it off, when she would make a comment of me being a gold digger ( even tho I earned more than my Ex) he would just say "Oh mom ". He would also get mad at me if I ever stood up for myself.
But the straw that broke the camels back is when we had our daughter. My MIL would always try to parent her and say that i would do something wrong.
My daughter has an irritable colon and she can not ingest any kind of oils or artificial things. And guess what that looney of a Woman did??
She fed my 3 year old daughter essential oils( she is not anti vaxx, just very stupid) to make her go to sleep. She was in the ICU. I had it and i confronted my husband who said " she only did what she thought was best ".
I lost it. I went to my parents and drafted a divorce agreement. (That's the best course of action. I saw a post earlier describing a situation that is much more dangerous than mine involving allergens and an EpiPen.)
His face was like that Pikachu Meme when i served him. He didn't know why i was doing that because we were "happy".
So now a year has passed and my life was hell. My Monster in law tried every dirty trick in the book to take my daughter . To name a few:
• She accused my brother of molesting her
• She accused me of neglect
• She accused me of taking illegal meds and leaving them in reach of a toddler (I take thyroxin for heavens sake!)
• She accused me of endangering my daughter by leaving random man in my house
• The list goes on
During this time the excuse of my ex was that i broke his heart and i had to understand his mother. She only wants what's best for him.
Luckily i got good representation and even got my daughter full time minus some weekends or visitation . I could prove that my daughter was endangered by his mother.
So now to the advice part.
I knew that my ex needed to be permanently in my life because of my daughter. And i was learning to live with that. He was very cold with me because again.. i broke his heart.
Now 2 things have come together:
• My ex BIL got married to an African American woman, so of course my ex MIL flipped
• I started dating again
My BIL is a great guy and he actually stood up for his wife ( !!! go figure it is possible). I stay in contact with him because we are friends and he was a mediator and fought with his brother quite often. So my BIL actually stood up for his wife and my ex husband got his panties in a twist, my BIL basically opened his eyes how shitty he was being. And that their mom treated me the same way she treated his wife. And finally my dense ex started understanding.
They guy I am seeing is great. I have even met his parents and his mother is normal. She treats me like a human being and has invited me already to many family functions and tries to make me and my daughter feel welcomed. My ex got wind from the situation trough a mutual friend and guess who is now flipping his stuff?
He started bringing flowers and chocolate ( I don't even like chocolate!!!) to pick up our daughter. He sends me cards and sms with hearts and who knows what.
Yesterday was the "best thing". My daughter was at my mothers place and i was at home with my boyfriend. He appears in front of my door crying and clutching my engagement ring begging me to come back.
I said no and that he should go away. He wouldn't and started demanding that i come out to talk to him. My boyfriend told him that he would call the police ,and in his pathetic fashion he threatened to beat my boyfriend up.
I closed the door and let him pound sand.
Today he picked up my daughter for a day trip and when they came back my daughter was asking if i loved my boyfriend more than her.
Now I am at a loss to what to do. I already told my daughter that it was impossible because my love for her is infinite and there is nothing bigger than infinite.
But now i know that my ex is trying to make my daughter hate me .I am at a loss because i won't use my daughter as ammunition. But also....what the hell am i supposed to do??I will never return with that man but i can't take the father of my daughter. Do you guys have any advice?
Edit /mini update : thanks you all! I needed to vent and was feeling helpless and am so thankful for you wonderful people.
I talked to my lawyer who confirmed that we could have a case for domestic violence by proxy. A social worker will be visiting us in the next few days to talk to my daughter about this.
Edit : because apparently people want to spin the world narrative on me. I don't care if he wants me back I don't love him anymore and will never get back together with him Staying for the sake of our daughter would not make sense as it has been proven that the kids grow up happier and divorced homes than unhappy homes.
I tried talking to my husband when we were still married and he would always brush it off. He would brush off everything his mother did. I complained to him and told him we needed go to therapy which he declined.
He has his daughter on the weekends. The court gave ne majority custody because of his mother.
Jeezs guys I guess in some of yalls eyes I should have kept being by my ex side às a submissive bimbo.
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21points
#5
AITA for telling my husband his mom can't live with us for months-long stretches?
My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and our son is 10 months old. We live in Canada. I grew up here while my husband immigrated when he was a student. My parents live nearby which has been invaluable during my pregnancy and since. My mom comes over regularly to help us out, my husband and her are on good terms too so it's been going well. His parents live in another country. We have visited them once since we got married, that was 7 months ago. The time prior to that was our wedding itself which took place there.
My husband had been talking about my MIL visiting soon for a long visit which I was happy with. We recently moved into our new house, I've done a good job decorating it, we have a large guest room, and I was looking forward to hosting her especially since it would make my husband happy. A couple of days ago he was complaining about how detailed her visa application was. I told him I was surprised it was so thorough. He told me that it's because while regular visa forms allow a stay of 6 months max, this one allows 2 years. I asked why would she need a stay of more than 6 months. He said that she had been thinking of winding up her medical practice and basically retiring, and this would then allow her to stay for a longer visit if we all decide that it works.
I was stunned. I told him he should just do the regular app because his mom won't be staying for anywhere close to 6 months. I had it in my mind that she'd be staying for like a month. That's how long we stayed for when we went there. He said that's his mom, she tells him how alone she feels, she can't go to my BIL's because he lives with roommates, and we can't just put a timer on her visit here. He said she's been looking forward to helping us out with our son. I told him we don't need help we manage fine on our own and with my mom's help. I wanted to host his mom as a guest not as a part of our household. He complained that how was it fair that my parents could visit whenever they wanted while his can't. I was hurt by that because my parents have helped us out a lot and I asked him if he wants us to limit how often my mom comes to visit. He said no, that's not what he meant, that he likes her but it wasn't fair to his parents. My reply was that when my mom comes, she goes at the end of the day. That wouldn't be the case with his. I ended it by saying he should look into the easier regular form because she can't be thinking of staying for that long. He chose to sleep on the couch that night and has been cold with me since. I hate that. We've never been cold to each other like this.
I talked to my mom too. She said that having his mom live with us for long stretches would definitely affect me. That this is worth fighting for.
I haven't seen him working on the application since. Last night he went out when his mom called. When he came back I asked him how she took it. He told me he had told her he's looking into what application best suits her. He asked me if I'd changed my mind. I said no. He just shook his head and started watching TV. AITA?
My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years and our son is 10 months old. We live in Canada. I grew up here while my husband immigrated when he was a student. My parents live nearby which has been invaluable during my pregnancy and since. My mom comes over regularly to help us out, my husband and her are on good terms too so it's been going well. His parents live in another country. We have visited them once since we got married, that was 7 months ago. The time prior to that was our wedding itself which took place there.
My husband had been talking about my MIL visiting soon for a long visit which I was happy with. We recently moved into our new house, I've done a good job decorating it, we have a large guest room, and I was looking forward to hosting her especially since it would make my husband happy. A couple of days ago he was complaining about how detailed her visa application was. I told him I was surprised it was so thorough. He told me that it's because while regular visa forms allow a stay of 6 months max, this one allows 2 years. I asked why would she need a stay of more than 6 months. He said that she had been thinking of winding up her medical practice and basically retiring, and this would then allow her to stay for a longer visit if we all decide that it works.
I was stunned. I told him he should just do the regular app because his mom won't be staying for anywhere close to 6 months. I had it in my mind that she'd be staying for like a month. That's how long we stayed for when we went there. He said that's his mom, she tells him how alone she feels, she can't go to my BIL's because he lives with roommates, and we can't just put a timer on her visit here. He said she's been looking forward to helping us out with our son. I told him we don't need help we manage fine on our own and with my mom's help. I wanted to host his mom as a guest not as a part of our household. He complained that how was it fair that my parents could visit whenever they wanted while his can't. I was hurt by that because my parents have helped us out a lot and I asked him if he wants us to limit how often my mom comes to visit. He said no, that's not what he meant, that he likes her but it wasn't fair to his parents. My reply was that when my mom comes, she goes at the end of the day. That wouldn't be the case with his. I ended it by saying he should look into the easier regular form because she can't be thinking of staying for that long. He chose to sleep on the couch that night and has been cold with me since. I hate that. We've never been cold to each other like this.
I talked to my mom too. She said that having his mom live with us for long stretches would definitely affect me. That this is worth fighting for.
I haven't seen him working on the application since. Last night he went out when his mom called. When he came back I asked him how she took it. He told me he had told her he's looking into what application best suits her. He asked me if I'd changed my mind. I said no. He just shook his head and started watching TV. AITA?
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15points
#6
AITA for telling my MIL to get out of a photo of me and my husband were taking at my wedding?
I (29F) was getting married to my now-husband (32M), and my MIL(59) was invited to the wedding, of course. I got a strange feeling because she continued trying to pick a wedding dress for me (when I had already picked one and said I did). I brushed it off, as I was excited and all. She also tried to get her son to pick a large, fancy cake (that was only 20% cake). He said no, as I had told him we already made all the arrangements (music, decorations, clothing).
Fast forward, the day of the wedding, we had our ceremony and everything went great. Food and service was amazing, had an artist draw me and my husband while we kissed. I noticed my MIL to be wearing a white simple dress, and didn't think much of it (even though I was a little upset). To have context, she is the only one besides me wearing the color.
Later, when it was photo taking time, I was going to take a photo with my husband. We stood in front of the camera (we had no 'official' previous photos besides the kiss), but my MIL walked into the photo. I told her politely to get out a little so me and my husband could take photos with the professional first. She didn't listen and stayed in anyway, and my husband didn't say anything.
A small update: I took one of our photos and photoshopped her out of it, as I didn't have a chance to get a photo w him alone. I posted it on my instagram and my MIL texted me.
She said I am disrespectful and family comes first through everything, but I said that it was MY wedding and I understood that but I wanted a photo with him alone and she did not allow that. My husband is upset with me for acting this way, saying im being dramatic. AITA?
Edit: Me and my husband have agreed to an annulment, and my MIL is still calling me selfish. I have spoken to both of them and my husband is mad I called him a 'mama's boy' and I said his mother was encouraging emotional incest. It was a big mistake that caused a lot, and im glad I didn't stay any longer. Thanks for all your support.
I (29F) was getting married to my now-husband (32M), and my MIL(59) was invited to the wedding, of course. I got a strange feeling because she continued trying to pick a wedding dress for me (when I had already picked one and said I did). I brushed it off, as I was excited and all. She also tried to get her son to pick a large, fancy cake (that was only 20% cake). He said no, as I had told him we already made all the arrangements (music, decorations, clothing).
Fast forward, the day of the wedding, we had our ceremony and everything went great. Food and service was amazing, had an artist draw me and my husband while we kissed. I noticed my MIL to be wearing a white simple dress, and didn't think much of it (even though I was a little upset). To have context, she is the only one besides me wearing the color.
Later, when it was photo taking time, I was going to take a photo with my husband. We stood in front of the camera (we had no 'official' previous photos besides the kiss), but my MIL walked into the photo. I told her politely to get out a little so me and my husband could take photos with the professional first. She didn't listen and stayed in anyway, and my husband didn't say anything.
A small update: I took one of our photos and photoshopped her out of it, as I didn't have a chance to get a photo w him alone. I posted it on my instagram and my MIL texted me.
She said I am disrespectful and family comes first through everything, but I said that it was MY wedding and I understood that but I wanted a photo with him alone and she did not allow that. My husband is upset with me for acting this way, saying im being dramatic. AITA?
Edit: Me and my husband have agreed to an annulment, and my MIL is still calling me selfish. I have spoken to both of them and my husband is mad I called him a 'mama's boy' and I said his mother was encouraging emotional incest. It was a big mistake that caused a lot, and im glad I didn't stay any longer. Thanks for all your support.
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14points
Another important piece of the puzzle is setting boundaries, and yes, doing it respectfully. Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away; they’re about protecting your peace. It’s okay to say no, to express discomfort, or to step back when something doesn’t feel right. At the same time, listening matters just as much as speaking. Try not to judge or dismiss someone else’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. Mutual respect goes a long way in preventing resentment from building up. Healthy boundaries actually make relationships stronger, not weaker. They help everyone understand where they stand and what’s acceptable. And when expectations are clear, there’s far less room for unnecessary drama.
#7
Ended MIL's career after she ruined our lives
CONTEXT:
I've posted a bit about my fiance's adoptive mother, "Susan", in the last couple weeks (mostly on justnomil, where I might cross post this to later), but for anyone unfamiliar with Susan, she was my lecturer when I was at university.
Susan hated that I was dating her adopted son (biological nephew) since she found out about us. When we first told her we were dating she tried to kill me via allergy (another story for another day) and after she found out I was pregnant she stalked us, impersonated me, and broke into our flat, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. She made our lives hell, to the extent where we no longer felt safe in our own home, and my fiance and I had to move across the country to escape her.
We've been living in our new place for a little under a week. The baby is due in a couple of months and everything is mostly ready. We've deactivated our social media, created new emails, and changed our numbers. Only a few friends and relatives from the town she lives in (which we left) have our new numbers. We had to leave our entire lives, and everyone we knew and loved behind, while I was 7 months pregnant, because we couldn't trust her around our baby.
REVENGE:
On Monday, an email was sent from the dean to Susan's graduating students saying Susan was being considered for a promotion, from lecturer to head of department, and they wanted to hear from her students first. The aim of this was to receive glowing recommendations to give to the board. This was not the result.
As I changed my email, I hadn't seen this. One of my friends who had my new number and was on the course with me did see the email, and on Tuesday he gave my new number to the dean, saying that he would only give her the number in person, on paper, and only if she agreed to ring when she was alone and throw out the paper and erase it from the logs after (if she was calling from a university phone then the number would go on the call logs that were accessible by all members of staff), but he assured her that this was something she'd want to hear before promoting Susan.
So I got this call from the dean on Tuesday. She told me what was going on (my friend hadn't had time to get in touch before she rang), and she asked me why my friend thought I should speak to her.
I told her everything.
I started 2 years ago, when I met Susan's son, the man who would become my fiance and the father of my child.
I told her about Susan poisoning me via allergy after finding out about me and her son, and the epi pen incident.
I told her about the outside of class harassment I received post pregnancy announcement (impersonating me, crashing GP appointments, breaking in, ect).
I told her about the in class harassment (telling me to break up with my fiance, stopping lectures until I left, throwing out my food and drink, trying to reschedule exams, and more).
I told her about the last time I saw Susan in person, when she tried to hit me while I was 7 months pregnant with her grandchild.
I told her about having to move away (I was careful not to give a location or distance) and filing a restraining order to escape Susan. (I thought the uni were made aware of the RO but apparently not)
Fiance then arrived home from work and when I told him what was happening, he was all too eager to chime in with stuff I forgot (copying keys, punching the landlord, cancelling orders, going through our things). He also told the dean about the abuse he got from her growing up.
We also gave the dean the names of people willing to support our story, as well as some dates, times and locations of on campus incidents (I'd made a note of a few of them) so she could pull CCTV from the campus security recordings.
Fiance also told her the story of one of his cousins (Susan's bio kid) who got close with a guy on Susan's course, but the guy was told to break up with her by Susan with a thinly veiled threat against his academic career. We also told the dean about Susan telling me to break up with my fiance and vice versa so she could "better maintain professionalism".
The dean was horrified.
She had me and my fiance record a video, where we said everything all over again, from the top. We made sure the video had nothing to identify location, and we were assured Susan would never see it. We also sent her all the proof we had alongside it. This was all forwarded to the board on Wednesday and Thursday. She asked my friend for the number again and just called me for the second time, telling me that the board unanimously agreed this was grounds for Susan's dismissal.
They said that while the outside of uni events weren't really their business they go towards her character, and the fact that as department head, she would represent the department, whether she was on the clock or not. They said even without this, the events that happened inside of uni alone (stopping lectures, telling me to dump my fiance, telling that other guy to leave her daughter alone, throwing out my stuff, seeking special treatment on grounds of nepotism) were all abuses of power and enough to justify Susan's dismissal.
They asked me why I hadn't filed charges, and I said all I'd gain from filing charges is Susan staying away from me, and the RO and moving away has the same effect. Plus as it's exams season my tutor work is really taking off and I don't have the time to go through a whole court case, and I'll have even less time once the baby arrives. The baby is due in about 8 weeks and Susan has already caused me enough stress.
Tomorrow, in the meeting where Susan is fully expecting to be told she got her promotion, the dean is now going to give her a week to hand in her resignation. If she refuses, she will be fired. If she does not hand in her resignation, she will be fired. She will not be getting a reference. The only reason she is being given the option to resign is that she has worked at this university for nearly a decade, but if she so much as raises her voice in the meeting tomorrow, she will be fired. Security will be present for the meeting, in case she tries anything.
Meanwhile, the friends we left behind aren't hesitating to tell anyone who will listen all about what Susan did during the course of mine and my fiance's relationship. There's not a single soul left in that town who trusts her or will take her side if she tries to fight back, not even her husband, who told us that now all their kids are over 18, he will be initiating divorce proceedings.
I don't feel even a little bit bad. I know there's a chance I went too far but I didn't lie, or embellish anything, I just gave the dean the facts as they are. Everything is 100% true and while it was me who told the dean, I see this as Susan's actions having consequences. Susan has more than enough money to pay for herself for the foreseeable future, she owns her home (her husband's name is not on the deed and she bought it before they got married so she will get the house in the divorce as it's not technically a shared asset, or one acquired during their marriage), she will have a roof over her head and money in her bank account, and if she wanted to she could get another job, just probably not one as a lecturer.
FAQs:
What is Susan and Fiance's relationship exactly?
Biologically, they're aunt and nephew. Fiance's parents were in and out of his life a lot growing up, and when they were out of his life they'd leave him at Susan's place, and when he was 14 they left for good, at which point Susan said she'd adopted him. Fiance has never seen proof of this, but she refers to herself as his mother and to him as her son.
What is the epi pen/poisoning accident?
I'm severely allergic to peppercorn (as in salt and pepper) and shortly after Susan found out we were dating and asked us to break up she then invited us to dinner to apologise. I offered to cook as I had my pepper allergy to work around, and she insisted on cooking. Fiance also reminded her of the pepper allergy, as did his uncle/her husband. She cooked pepper crusted turkey. Susan insisted it was a palette issue and I needed to stop being fussy. I didn't eat it but due to my proximity to a giant lump of cracked and cooked pepper combined with the severity of my allergy (I was sat at the table with the turkey right in front of me) I wound up inhaling enough that I began to violently cough and felt lightheaded. Fiance went to get me water while I went for my epi pen. I couldn't open it and Susan took it off me. I pointed to where she should administer it and instead of doing that she asked me if I was sure about not breaking up with fiance. Uncle arrived, saw what was happening, called fiance into the room, and between them they got my epi pen, administered it, and drove me to A&E. To this day, Susan insists that no one is allergic to pepper, I'm just fussy, and even though I should have pressed charges at the time not only was she still my lecturer but law enforcement says that being stupid isn't a crime.
What the hell is going on with the faculty?
At my uni there are visiting (part time) lecturers, referred to as junior lecturers, then there's full time lecturers who are referred to as senior lecturers, then there's the head of department. This is not a rotating position. Each position comes with a pay bump and the head of department runs the compulsory module each year. The head of department, once appointed, is the head of department until they resign, are fired or retire.
Why was the dean so transparent?
From what the dean told us it's a health and safety issue as well as a legal one. Susan has proved to us that she's a threat to our safety and wellbeing, we proved that to the dean with testimony and evidence, and now if the dean gets rid of Susan, Susan could go after us. The dean needs to keep us in the loop in case this happens so the uni isn't liable in case Susan comes after us.
How was this all done so quickly?
I think they wanted it sorted quickly and quietly. They need to announce the new head of department soon, and they had a few options but Susan was the front runner. The email I didn't see sounds like it extended to all candidates, so if former students had any thoughts on the other 2 options they were free to email about them, too, but when my friend saw that Susan was an option he took matters into his own hands as he knew about everything she'd done. I will admit to guessing and filling in the blanks here, and with the other uni stuff, but the dean didn't explain everything to us so a lot of stuff me and fiance are trying to fill in the gaps between us.
Why no police?
The same reasons we listed above - between the baby, the move, and the new job, we have no free time. We think that the RO and moving will be enough to keep her away, but if she comes near us again we've agreed to contact the police and see through the court case, but with all the shit going on we don't have time. We were also told when we were first asked about court that if she fought us her lawyer would have the right to cross examine us and for that to happen we would need to be in the court room. Whether this happens before or after the baby is born, we don't want to even be in the same town as her right now, let alone in the same courtroom. Regardless of security, we wouldn't feel safe.
Won't Susan blame you for all this?
She'd blame us for this even if we had nothing to do with it. We're preparing as if she's going to knock on our front door any second and ask where we went, and because of this we have no less than 4 separate backup plans in case something does happen. When I said she had money to support herself, she does, but she doesn't have PI money or money to travel all over the place searching for us.
Any therapy?
Fiance is in therapy because of her rn. Tried to get her in therapy but she didn't want to. She went for one session with my fiance as a mother-son thing, and never again.
What's the security situation at your new place?
We have and are in the process of installing one of those doorbells with video feed and CCTV. We replaced the short screws in the doors with longer ones, our place has a high metal fence with a locked metal gate on the front and we're looking into if it's possible to fit a keypad or something similar so we'd have a code on it. Our new hospital has had some issues with the maternity ward in the last couple years so they upped security in a big way, and now all visitors have to wear passes and sign in with photo ID, and they have a system where once the person signing in puts in their name, they type it into a computer, and the computer will alert them if this person is banned, like Susan is, and in that case she will not get her visitor pass and therefore not be able to access the ward.
Can't she track you via social media?
We've erased everything from our social media, deactivated our accounts, never mentioned anything about the place we moved to online or IRL. Fiance works in IT and he's in the process of erasing all our accounts.
What about this reddit account?
It's a throwaway account being updated from my old phone via mobile data. I have my new phone and number now (it's how my friend contacted me) but the old phone is still in service so I'm updating via that, and once I'm done with this whole saga, this account is also going to be gone for good.
Final update: The dean said the firing was happening last week. She said that if Susan didn't present as a danger to us to her (eg if Susan lost her cool and yelled something like "this is all her fault!") then the dean couldn't break confidentiality, and as we've not heard from her since we can only assume that she took it well. Or as well as possible. We've read your comments/replied, and we're talked and done some thinking, and we've agreed to look into legal options. We're still not totally sure about pursuing a court case, but we realise that Susan isn't just going to let this go, and she won't be willing to just leave us alone. We also weren't informed that the RO would have our address, and my fiance was also hesitant because despite her actions, Susan did, for the most part, raise him. We looked into it and it doesn't look like she actually adopted him, so that's something. We're gathering all the evidence we have against her, plus anything the dean, landlord, or anyone else still has and we're meeting a lawyer later this week as we agree that our personal safety and the safety of our child should come first.
CONTEXT:
I've posted a bit about my fiance's adoptive mother, "Susan", in the last couple weeks (mostly on justnomil, where I might cross post this to later), but for anyone unfamiliar with Susan, she was my lecturer when I was at university.
Susan hated that I was dating her adopted son (biological nephew) since she found out about us. When we first told her we were dating she tried to kill me via allergy (another story for another day) and after she found out I was pregnant she stalked us, impersonated me, and broke into our flat, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. She made our lives hell, to the extent where we no longer felt safe in our own home, and my fiance and I had to move across the country to escape her.
We've been living in our new place for a little under a week. The baby is due in a couple of months and everything is mostly ready. We've deactivated our social media, created new emails, and changed our numbers. Only a few friends and relatives from the town she lives in (which we left) have our new numbers. We had to leave our entire lives, and everyone we knew and loved behind, while I was 7 months pregnant, because we couldn't trust her around our baby.
REVENGE:
On Monday, an email was sent from the dean to Susan's graduating students saying Susan was being considered for a promotion, from lecturer to head of department, and they wanted to hear from her students first. The aim of this was to receive glowing recommendations to give to the board. This was not the result.
As I changed my email, I hadn't seen this. One of my friends who had my new number and was on the course with me did see the email, and on Tuesday he gave my new number to the dean, saying that he would only give her the number in person, on paper, and only if she agreed to ring when she was alone and throw out the paper and erase it from the logs after (if she was calling from a university phone then the number would go on the call logs that were accessible by all members of staff), but he assured her that this was something she'd want to hear before promoting Susan.
So I got this call from the dean on Tuesday. She told me what was going on (my friend hadn't had time to get in touch before she rang), and she asked me why my friend thought I should speak to her.
I told her everything.
I started 2 years ago, when I met Susan's son, the man who would become my fiance and the father of my child.
I told her about Susan poisoning me via allergy after finding out about me and her son, and the epi pen incident.
I told her about the outside of class harassment I received post pregnancy announcement (impersonating me, crashing GP appointments, breaking in, ect).
I told her about the in class harassment (telling me to break up with my fiance, stopping lectures until I left, throwing out my food and drink, trying to reschedule exams, and more).
I told her about the last time I saw Susan in person, when she tried to hit me while I was 7 months pregnant with her grandchild.
I told her about having to move away (I was careful not to give a location or distance) and filing a restraining order to escape Susan. (I thought the uni were made aware of the RO but apparently not)
Fiance then arrived home from work and when I told him what was happening, he was all too eager to chime in with stuff I forgot (copying keys, punching the landlord, cancelling orders, going through our things). He also told the dean about the abuse he got from her growing up.
We also gave the dean the names of people willing to support our story, as well as some dates, times and locations of on campus incidents (I'd made a note of a few of them) so she could pull CCTV from the campus security recordings.
Fiance also told her the story of one of his cousins (Susan's bio kid) who got close with a guy on Susan's course, but the guy was told to break up with her by Susan with a thinly veiled threat against his academic career. We also told the dean about Susan telling me to break up with my fiance and vice versa so she could "better maintain professionalism".
The dean was horrified.
She had me and my fiance record a video, where we said everything all over again, from the top. We made sure the video had nothing to identify location, and we were assured Susan would never see it. We also sent her all the proof we had alongside it. This was all forwarded to the board on Wednesday and Thursday. She asked my friend for the number again and just called me for the second time, telling me that the board unanimously agreed this was grounds for Susan's dismissal.
They said that while the outside of uni events weren't really their business they go towards her character, and the fact that as department head, she would represent the department, whether she was on the clock or not. They said even without this, the events that happened inside of uni alone (stopping lectures, telling me to dump my fiance, telling that other guy to leave her daughter alone, throwing out my stuff, seeking special treatment on grounds of nepotism) were all abuses of power and enough to justify Susan's dismissal.
They asked me why I hadn't filed charges, and I said all I'd gain from filing charges is Susan staying away from me, and the RO and moving away has the same effect. Plus as it's exams season my tutor work is really taking off and I don't have the time to go through a whole court case, and I'll have even less time once the baby arrives. The baby is due in about 8 weeks and Susan has already caused me enough stress.
Tomorrow, in the meeting where Susan is fully expecting to be told she got her promotion, the dean is now going to give her a week to hand in her resignation. If she refuses, she will be fired. If she does not hand in her resignation, she will be fired. She will not be getting a reference. The only reason she is being given the option to resign is that she has worked at this university for nearly a decade, but if she so much as raises her voice in the meeting tomorrow, she will be fired. Security will be present for the meeting, in case she tries anything.
Meanwhile, the friends we left behind aren't hesitating to tell anyone who will listen all about what Susan did during the course of mine and my fiance's relationship. There's not a single soul left in that town who trusts her or will take her side if she tries to fight back, not even her husband, who told us that now all their kids are over 18, he will be initiating divorce proceedings.
I don't feel even a little bit bad. I know there's a chance I went too far but I didn't lie, or embellish anything, I just gave the dean the facts as they are. Everything is 100% true and while it was me who told the dean, I see this as Susan's actions having consequences. Susan has more than enough money to pay for herself for the foreseeable future, she owns her home (her husband's name is not on the deed and she bought it before they got married so she will get the house in the divorce as it's not technically a shared asset, or one acquired during their marriage), she will have a roof over her head and money in her bank account, and if she wanted to she could get another job, just probably not one as a lecturer.
FAQs:
What is Susan and Fiance's relationship exactly?
Biologically, they're aunt and nephew. Fiance's parents were in and out of his life a lot growing up, and when they were out of his life they'd leave him at Susan's place, and when he was 14 they left for good, at which point Susan said she'd adopted him. Fiance has never seen proof of this, but she refers to herself as his mother and to him as her son.
What is the epi pen/poisoning accident?
I'm severely allergic to peppercorn (as in salt and pepper) and shortly after Susan found out we were dating and asked us to break up she then invited us to dinner to apologise. I offered to cook as I had my pepper allergy to work around, and she insisted on cooking. Fiance also reminded her of the pepper allergy, as did his uncle/her husband. She cooked pepper crusted turkey. Susan insisted it was a palette issue and I needed to stop being fussy. I didn't eat it but due to my proximity to a giant lump of cracked and cooked pepper combined with the severity of my allergy (I was sat at the table with the turkey right in front of me) I wound up inhaling enough that I began to violently cough and felt lightheaded. Fiance went to get me water while I went for my epi pen. I couldn't open it and Susan took it off me. I pointed to where she should administer it and instead of doing that she asked me if I was sure about not breaking up with fiance. Uncle arrived, saw what was happening, called fiance into the room, and between them they got my epi pen, administered it, and drove me to A&E. To this day, Susan insists that no one is allergic to pepper, I'm just fussy, and even though I should have pressed charges at the time not only was she still my lecturer but law enforcement says that being stupid isn't a crime.
What the hell is going on with the faculty?
At my uni there are visiting (part time) lecturers, referred to as junior lecturers, then there's full time lecturers who are referred to as senior lecturers, then there's the head of department. This is not a rotating position. Each position comes with a pay bump and the head of department runs the compulsory module each year. The head of department, once appointed, is the head of department until they resign, are fired or retire.
Why was the dean so transparent?
From what the dean told us it's a health and safety issue as well as a legal one. Susan has proved to us that she's a threat to our safety and wellbeing, we proved that to the dean with testimony and evidence, and now if the dean gets rid of Susan, Susan could go after us. The dean needs to keep us in the loop in case this happens so the uni isn't liable in case Susan comes after us.
How was this all done so quickly?
I think they wanted it sorted quickly and quietly. They need to announce the new head of department soon, and they had a few options but Susan was the front runner. The email I didn't see sounds like it extended to all candidates, so if former students had any thoughts on the other 2 options they were free to email about them, too, but when my friend saw that Susan was an option he took matters into his own hands as he knew about everything she'd done. I will admit to guessing and filling in the blanks here, and with the other uni stuff, but the dean didn't explain everything to us so a lot of stuff me and fiance are trying to fill in the gaps between us.
Why no police?
The same reasons we listed above - between the baby, the move, and the new job, we have no free time. We think that the RO and moving will be enough to keep her away, but if she comes near us again we've agreed to contact the police and see through the court case, but with all the shit going on we don't have time. We were also told when we were first asked about court that if she fought us her lawyer would have the right to cross examine us and for that to happen we would need to be in the court room. Whether this happens before or after the baby is born, we don't want to even be in the same town as her right now, let alone in the same courtroom. Regardless of security, we wouldn't feel safe.
Won't Susan blame you for all this?
She'd blame us for this even if we had nothing to do with it. We're preparing as if she's going to knock on our front door any second and ask where we went, and because of this we have no less than 4 separate backup plans in case something does happen. When I said she had money to support herself, she does, but she doesn't have PI money or money to travel all over the place searching for us.
Any therapy?
Fiance is in therapy because of her rn. Tried to get her in therapy but she didn't want to. She went for one session with my fiance as a mother-son thing, and never again.
What's the security situation at your new place?
We have and are in the process of installing one of those doorbells with video feed and CCTV. We replaced the short screws in the doors with longer ones, our place has a high metal fence with a locked metal gate on the front and we're looking into if it's possible to fit a keypad or something similar so we'd have a code on it. Our new hospital has had some issues with the maternity ward in the last couple years so they upped security in a big way, and now all visitors have to wear passes and sign in with photo ID, and they have a system where once the person signing in puts in their name, they type it into a computer, and the computer will alert them if this person is banned, like Susan is, and in that case she will not get her visitor pass and therefore not be able to access the ward.
Can't she track you via social media?
We've erased everything from our social media, deactivated our accounts, never mentioned anything about the place we moved to online or IRL. Fiance works in IT and he's in the process of erasing all our accounts.
What about this reddit account?
It's a throwaway account being updated from my old phone via mobile data. I have my new phone and number now (it's how my friend contacted me) but the old phone is still in service so I'm updating via that, and once I'm done with this whole saga, this account is also going to be gone for good.
Final update: The dean said the firing was happening last week. She said that if Susan didn't present as a danger to us to her (eg if Susan lost her cool and yelled something like "this is all her fault!") then the dean couldn't break confidentiality, and as we've not heard from her since we can only assume that she took it well. Or as well as possible. We've read your comments/replied, and we're talked and done some thinking, and we've agreed to look into legal options. We're still not totally sure about pursuing a court case, but we realise that Susan isn't just going to let this go, and she won't be willing to just leave us alone. We also weren't informed that the RO would have our address, and my fiance was also hesitant because despite her actions, Susan did, for the most part, raise him. We looked into it and it doesn't look like she actually adopted him, so that's something. We're gathering all the evidence we have against her, plus anything the dean, landlord, or anyone else still has and we're meeting a lawyer later this week as we agree that our personal safety and the safety of our child should come first.
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8points
#8
AITA for hanging up on my MIL after she booked a family holiday that excluded me?
I (30F) have recently been really sick and in and out of the hospital getting infusion treatments. My husband has been my rock through it all.
Last year, we moved states because my in-laws asked us to. They have a micro family and want to stay close. Since our move, they’ve never once come to visit us except after we bought our house. They visited for an hour and left to “beat traffic”. We’ve driven to them over 15 times (an hour each way), and they still expect we go to them even though the drive now wipes me out and risks my health. I don’t have any family or close friends here besides them, and despite my husband asking several times for help, they always make excuses as to why they can’t visit even though they’re both retired.
What’s going on now is, my MIL and husband share a birthday. She recently called him saying it would be fun if the whole family went on a week long trip to celebrate and couple it with Thanksgiving. When my husband said he’d need to check with me since I have appointments and you know, his job, she told him it’s best I “stay home and rest” while everyone else went.
He immediately told her no. He wasn’t leaving me when I’m this sick especially during the holiday. He asked if we could postpone until I completed these rounds of treatment and just stick to something local. That’s when MIL dropped that she’d already booked a resort three hours away, spent “thousands,” and that if we didn’t come, we’d be ruining Thanksgiving and her birthday. When he asked why she’d book it without confirming with us, she said it was the only week his brother was free.
That’s when it really hit me. She never intended to include me and possibly my husband. Her only concern was his brother’s availability whom she seems everyday. It felt like she either purposely booked the trip to guilt my husband into going without me or as a way to exclude us.
I was over it, exhausted, and just done with the lack of effort/care from her. I asked my husband if I could talk to her and in the calmest, most sarcastic tone I said, “please don’t cancel your vacation. I really, TRULY, hope you have SUCH an amazing time on YOUR birthday. So much so that you forget we’re even there. Because we won’t be. Bye.” Then I hung up the phone. My husband took the phone and put it in his pocket. He told me, he had no notes and we carried on with our day.
Now MIL, FIL, and BIL are calling nonstop, leaving messages saying I was rude and disrespectful. So, AITA for hanging up on my MIL after she booked a family holiday that excluded me?
Update:
I posted this question after telling a coworker the story, and she was adamant that I needed to apologize. She said hanging up on anyone, especially my MIL, was unspeakable no matter the circumstance. Her reaction made me wonder AITA, but after reading your messages I was flooded with relief.
My husband and I have still been receiving VM's from MIL and BIL. They've escalated to the point that we have now blocked them on all platforms of social media, email, and our cell phones. The last message my husband received was that they knew something was wrong with me because I have no family. Which, for context, they are aware I was abused and starved as a child. I left home at 18 and went no contact. Our house had no locks on the bedroom doors or bathrooms so that there was nowhere to hide from the abuse, the windows were nailed shut, and if I didn’t return home right after school (which was timed), then my dad would hit me or make me kneel on rice. People weren't allowed over, not like I wanted them to come over, and my friends used to joke that I lived in Fort Knox because of the security gate and system that the entire neighborhood could see.
The only good thing that came from my suffering was perfect grades. It was expected that I be an absolutely perfect student and always be respectful, presentable, and professional. Anything less than straight A's meant being beaten until I had no tears left to cry. When I threatened to call CPS once after a pretty bad physical incident, my dad said something along the lines of, if you think this is bad, it’s worse out there. You’re a girl and will be used like a plaything. So I kept my head down, worked hard, did what I was told, acted like I fell in line, and got the hell out of there. I never looked back. His family is well aware of my story, so it was quite shocking to hear his mom bring this up now.
For all those asking why we moved when asked, my husband’s family presented as very close. Both his parents were only children and his grandparents are no longer living. They are very tight-knit and still take annual family vacations and spend holidays together. BIL moved a few years ago and traditions carried on. Last year, BIL got engaged and announced that he and his future wife would be trying to have children soon after their wedding. We were all ecstatic. They haven’t had a baby in the family for 30 years, since my husband was born.
BIL’s future in-laws live a few blocks from him and are going to help out whenever they have a baby, and my in-laws threw in their hat to also help out. That’s how the move came about. BIL and MIL asked if we would consider moving too as a way to stay close together and be in our future niece/nephew’s life. We figured if we could find jobs equal to what we have now, then why not. It was actually welcomed since at that point I wasn't living 20 miles away from my parents and was a little anxious about running into them.
My husband and I also talked about the possibility of moving, but it seems almost impossible with work, insurance, selling a house, and medical treatments. I was on the waiting list for 2 months with the infusion clinic, and we live in one of the largest metropolitan cities. I can't imagine the setback of trying to get initial appointments with specialists again and insurance approval. It would negatively affect my health and set me back, if not worsen my condition. Then there’s insurance and finding a new job. Neither of our workplaces have other offices, so we’d have to get new roles, and I’ve heard competition has been tough with layoffs, and coming in as a candidate that needs accommodations for serious illness would be a tough sell. I'd practically miss 1–2 days a week.
We're lucky that my place of work has been amazing and understanding. They cover 100% of my medical bills, which is unheard of. So for now, we're going to stay and will consider a move when I'm better.
And at least we know our in-laws won’t pay us a visit, so there’s some grace in that.
At this point my husband and I acknowledge and accept that priorities have shifted for his family. We will act accordingly and create our own new holiday traditions, any ideas?
Also, thank you to everyone for your kind words, and you're right... my husband is pretty hot.
I (30F) have recently been really sick and in and out of the hospital getting infusion treatments. My husband has been my rock through it all.
Last year, we moved states because my in-laws asked us to. They have a micro family and want to stay close. Since our move, they’ve never once come to visit us except after we bought our house. They visited for an hour and left to “beat traffic”. We’ve driven to them over 15 times (an hour each way), and they still expect we go to them even though the drive now wipes me out and risks my health. I don’t have any family or close friends here besides them, and despite my husband asking several times for help, they always make excuses as to why they can’t visit even though they’re both retired.
What’s going on now is, my MIL and husband share a birthday. She recently called him saying it would be fun if the whole family went on a week long trip to celebrate and couple it with Thanksgiving. When my husband said he’d need to check with me since I have appointments and you know, his job, she told him it’s best I “stay home and rest” while everyone else went.
He immediately told her no. He wasn’t leaving me when I’m this sick especially during the holiday. He asked if we could postpone until I completed these rounds of treatment and just stick to something local. That’s when MIL dropped that she’d already booked a resort three hours away, spent “thousands,” and that if we didn’t come, we’d be ruining Thanksgiving and her birthday. When he asked why she’d book it without confirming with us, she said it was the only week his brother was free.
That’s when it really hit me. She never intended to include me and possibly my husband. Her only concern was his brother’s availability whom she seems everyday. It felt like she either purposely booked the trip to guilt my husband into going without me or as a way to exclude us.
I was over it, exhausted, and just done with the lack of effort/care from her. I asked my husband if I could talk to her and in the calmest, most sarcastic tone I said, “please don’t cancel your vacation. I really, TRULY, hope you have SUCH an amazing time on YOUR birthday. So much so that you forget we’re even there. Because we won’t be. Bye.” Then I hung up the phone. My husband took the phone and put it in his pocket. He told me, he had no notes and we carried on with our day.
Now MIL, FIL, and BIL are calling nonstop, leaving messages saying I was rude and disrespectful. So, AITA for hanging up on my MIL after she booked a family holiday that excluded me?
Update:
I posted this question after telling a coworker the story, and she was adamant that I needed to apologize. She said hanging up on anyone, especially my MIL, was unspeakable no matter the circumstance. Her reaction made me wonder AITA, but after reading your messages I was flooded with relief.
My husband and I have still been receiving VM's from MIL and BIL. They've escalated to the point that we have now blocked them on all platforms of social media, email, and our cell phones. The last message my husband received was that they knew something was wrong with me because I have no family. Which, for context, they are aware I was abused and starved as a child. I left home at 18 and went no contact. Our house had no locks on the bedroom doors or bathrooms so that there was nowhere to hide from the abuse, the windows were nailed shut, and if I didn’t return home right after school (which was timed), then my dad would hit me or make me kneel on rice. People weren't allowed over, not like I wanted them to come over, and my friends used to joke that I lived in Fort Knox because of the security gate and system that the entire neighborhood could see.
The only good thing that came from my suffering was perfect grades. It was expected that I be an absolutely perfect student and always be respectful, presentable, and professional. Anything less than straight A's meant being beaten until I had no tears left to cry. When I threatened to call CPS once after a pretty bad physical incident, my dad said something along the lines of, if you think this is bad, it’s worse out there. You’re a girl and will be used like a plaything. So I kept my head down, worked hard, did what I was told, acted like I fell in line, and got the hell out of there. I never looked back. His family is well aware of my story, so it was quite shocking to hear his mom bring this up now.
For all those asking why we moved when asked, my husband’s family presented as very close. Both his parents were only children and his grandparents are no longer living. They are very tight-knit and still take annual family vacations and spend holidays together. BIL moved a few years ago and traditions carried on. Last year, BIL got engaged and announced that he and his future wife would be trying to have children soon after their wedding. We were all ecstatic. They haven’t had a baby in the family for 30 years, since my husband was born.
BIL’s future in-laws live a few blocks from him and are going to help out whenever they have a baby, and my in-laws threw in their hat to also help out. That’s how the move came about. BIL and MIL asked if we would consider moving too as a way to stay close together and be in our future niece/nephew’s life. We figured if we could find jobs equal to what we have now, then why not. It was actually welcomed since at that point I wasn't living 20 miles away from my parents and was a little anxious about running into them.
My husband and I also talked about the possibility of moving, but it seems almost impossible with work, insurance, selling a house, and medical treatments. I was on the waiting list for 2 months with the infusion clinic, and we live in one of the largest metropolitan cities. I can't imagine the setback of trying to get initial appointments with specialists again and insurance approval. It would negatively affect my health and set me back, if not worsen my condition. Then there’s insurance and finding a new job. Neither of our workplaces have other offices, so we’d have to get new roles, and I’ve heard competition has been tough with layoffs, and coming in as a candidate that needs accommodations for serious illness would be a tough sell. I'd practically miss 1–2 days a week.
We're lucky that my place of work has been amazing and understanding. They cover 100% of my medical bills, which is unheard of. So for now, we're going to stay and will consider a move when I'm better.
And at least we know our in-laws won’t pay us a visit, so there’s some grace in that.
At this point my husband and I acknowledge and accept that priorities have shifted for his family. We will act accordingly and create our own new holiday traditions, any ideas?
Also, thank you to everyone for your kind words, and you're right... my husband is pretty hot.
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8points
#9
Tried to confront MIL to firmly establish boundaries and it went worse than I imagined
Back again with another episode of the show. This is a long one, sorry in advance and thank you if you read the whole thing.
Quick backstory - was super close with MIL for years until I got pregnant, then the true colors came out with the baby rabies, boundary stomping, and manipulation. LO is now 2 and it’s only gotten worse.
A few months ago around march I had a conversation with MIL. Aired everything out. It wasn’t a great conversation but it cleared the air enough to start to move forward with some boundaries instead of tension and animosity. Then very suddenly a close relative had a major medical episode and that took precedent over any drama. I put my feelings on the shelf to support DH and his family through this time. I feel like MIL took full advantage of that and completely started boundary stomping again. This ended up leading to insane blow-up fights with DH (her, not me) because DH called her on her bull.
After talking it through with DH, I have been no contact directly with her, and cordial at best if we are in the same room. He is completely fine with this and respects my boundary there. This was never explicitly stated to MIL, but she wasn’t really trying to contact me anyway and I almost never saw her due to situation with the family member who has been in the hospital still. She often cried as the victim to DH when he would visit solo that she doesn’t understand why I hate her or why I don’t talk to her. DH spoke to me about this and I said I would be willing to have a conversation to firmly state my boundaries, but it’s not going to go the way she wants it to. DH said he completely understood and was fine with that if I wanted to speak to her, but he would never ask me to do something I didn’t want to do.
MIL ended up calling me. I didn’t answer. Thought about what I wanted to say for a couple days, talked to my therapist about it, and then called her back with DH sitting right next to me.
I started by saying I wanted to again clear the air and establish boundaries for moving forward. She started gushing that’s all she wants, so we could go back to the way things were before and be super close again. All I said was “I’m actually not comfortable with that.” And all hell broke loose.
She spent the next 20 minutes screaming crying and mother-effing me. Here are some highlights
1. in response to me telling her I felt disrespected she said “YOU feel disrespected?! No I feel disrespected! You didn’t even tell me happy birthday!” Because apparently that is the pinnacle of disrespect. Also, last time I checked MIL was in her 60’s, not turning 5. But whatever.
2. she told me how I feel is my fault because I hover around my own son too much and don’t give her any space with him. This was the only time I lost my calm this entire phone call. I snapped back that of course I’m around him, he’s MY freaking son, and I don’t owe her anything, let alone space with MY CHILD.
3. she scream-cried that “every single night she cries herself to sleep, just praying to god that I’ll go back to being the old OP, and stop being mean OP”
4. she kept screaming at me to tell her what she did even tho I told her I didn’t want to drag her through the mud over every little grievance because I didn’t think that was productive. I finally gave in and used the example of how she tried to talk shit about me to DH when I nicely asked her to let us get settled in and let LO acclimate at a family party because she was immediately in our faces and LO got very upset. She stammered for a while trying to make up an excuse or lie, before settling on it was my fault, and see point # 2.
5. There was of course the “apology”. She said she was sorry she just wanted to be a grandma and show love. I told her she’s intentionally convoluting things to be the victim here and she knows it.
The whole thing over the span of 20+ minutes was her just screaming and crying and cussing at me with me barely able to get a word in until she finally hung up on me because she was “too hurt and upset”. I literally barely said anything. She did it to herself.
This was 2 weeks ago. I haven’t spoken to her since and she hasn’t brought it up to DH. I don’t think she knows he was right here and heard the whole thing. He has been very reassuring to me that she was way out of line and that I haven’t done or said anything to slight her in any way. He also hasn’t said anything to his mother or stuck up for me after the way she spoke to me. He keeps saying “I’ll talk to her if you want me to” but like I don’t want to have to ask! You should stick up for me without a request to do so. I finally broke down and expressed how hurt I was by the whole thing. All I wanted to do was say “hey, we are family, DH is the love of my life and for his sake I want to move forward politely. I will see you at holidays and we can be cordial but I am not comfortable having a personal relationship with you beyond that.” She lost her shit on me, berated me for almost half an hour, and hung up on me.
If it were up to me we would be no contact and she wouldn’t have access to my son until she learns to respect me. That’s not an option for DH. We’ve come so far, both polished up our spines, he’s been holding her accountable even when she blows up on him, but in this situation it’s literally me against her and even tho he says he’s completely on my side, nothing is being done about it.
He has said he will talk to her and tell her he heard the whole thing and what she did was not okay. But we’ll see how it goes. Over the last two weeks it has really just festered and made me feel worse and worse.
If you made it this far, thank you. I swear the amazing people in this sub are the only reason I’ve made it this far with my JNMIL lol
Edit to add thank you so much to everyone who took time to write out such thoughtful replies here. I want you all to know that your comments, support, and reflections mean so so much to me. I wish I had time to reply to everyone individually. I took a lot of the advice I got here yesterday and I will be posting a happy update soon!!! (Also, I see other posts that say things like “sorry for format, I’m on mobile”. I only use Reddit on mobile so not sure what it looks like? But sorry for format if it looks wonky to others lol)
Back again with another episode of the show. This is a long one, sorry in advance and thank you if you read the whole thing.
Quick backstory - was super close with MIL for years until I got pregnant, then the true colors came out with the baby rabies, boundary stomping, and manipulation. LO is now 2 and it’s only gotten worse.
A few months ago around march I had a conversation with MIL. Aired everything out. It wasn’t a great conversation but it cleared the air enough to start to move forward with some boundaries instead of tension and animosity. Then very suddenly a close relative had a major medical episode and that took precedent over any drama. I put my feelings on the shelf to support DH and his family through this time. I feel like MIL took full advantage of that and completely started boundary stomping again. This ended up leading to insane blow-up fights with DH (her, not me) because DH called her on her bull.
After talking it through with DH, I have been no contact directly with her, and cordial at best if we are in the same room. He is completely fine with this and respects my boundary there. This was never explicitly stated to MIL, but she wasn’t really trying to contact me anyway and I almost never saw her due to situation with the family member who has been in the hospital still. She often cried as the victim to DH when he would visit solo that she doesn’t understand why I hate her or why I don’t talk to her. DH spoke to me about this and I said I would be willing to have a conversation to firmly state my boundaries, but it’s not going to go the way she wants it to. DH said he completely understood and was fine with that if I wanted to speak to her, but he would never ask me to do something I didn’t want to do.
MIL ended up calling me. I didn’t answer. Thought about what I wanted to say for a couple days, talked to my therapist about it, and then called her back with DH sitting right next to me.
I started by saying I wanted to again clear the air and establish boundaries for moving forward. She started gushing that’s all she wants, so we could go back to the way things were before and be super close again. All I said was “I’m actually not comfortable with that.” And all hell broke loose.
She spent the next 20 minutes screaming crying and mother-effing me. Here are some highlights
1. in response to me telling her I felt disrespected she said “YOU feel disrespected?! No I feel disrespected! You didn’t even tell me happy birthday!” Because apparently that is the pinnacle of disrespect. Also, last time I checked MIL was in her 60’s, not turning 5. But whatever.
2. she told me how I feel is my fault because I hover around my own son too much and don’t give her any space with him. This was the only time I lost my calm this entire phone call. I snapped back that of course I’m around him, he’s MY freaking son, and I don’t owe her anything, let alone space with MY CHILD.
3. she scream-cried that “every single night she cries herself to sleep, just praying to god that I’ll go back to being the old OP, and stop being mean OP”
4. she kept screaming at me to tell her what she did even tho I told her I didn’t want to drag her through the mud over every little grievance because I didn’t think that was productive. I finally gave in and used the example of how she tried to talk shit about me to DH when I nicely asked her to let us get settled in and let LO acclimate at a family party because she was immediately in our faces and LO got very upset. She stammered for a while trying to make up an excuse or lie, before settling on it was my fault, and see point # 2.
5. There was of course the “apology”. She said she was sorry she just wanted to be a grandma and show love. I told her she’s intentionally convoluting things to be the victim here and she knows it.
The whole thing over the span of 20+ minutes was her just screaming and crying and cussing at me with me barely able to get a word in until she finally hung up on me because she was “too hurt and upset”. I literally barely said anything. She did it to herself.
This was 2 weeks ago. I haven’t spoken to her since and she hasn’t brought it up to DH. I don’t think she knows he was right here and heard the whole thing. He has been very reassuring to me that she was way out of line and that I haven’t done or said anything to slight her in any way. He also hasn’t said anything to his mother or stuck up for me after the way she spoke to me. He keeps saying “I’ll talk to her if you want me to” but like I don’t want to have to ask! You should stick up for me without a request to do so. I finally broke down and expressed how hurt I was by the whole thing. All I wanted to do was say “hey, we are family, DH is the love of my life and for his sake I want to move forward politely. I will see you at holidays and we can be cordial but I am not comfortable having a personal relationship with you beyond that.” She lost her shit on me, berated me for almost half an hour, and hung up on me.
If it were up to me we would be no contact and she wouldn’t have access to my son until she learns to respect me. That’s not an option for DH. We’ve come so far, both polished up our spines, he’s been holding her accountable even when she blows up on him, but in this situation it’s literally me against her and even tho he says he’s completely on my side, nothing is being done about it.
He has said he will talk to her and tell her he heard the whole thing and what she did was not okay. But we’ll see how it goes. Over the last two weeks it has really just festered and made me feel worse and worse.
If you made it this far, thank you. I swear the amazing people in this sub are the only reason I’ve made it this far with my JNMIL lol
Edit to add thank you so much to everyone who took time to write out such thoughtful replies here. I want you all to know that your comments, support, and reflections mean so so much to me. I wish I had time to reply to everyone individually. I took a lot of the advice I got here yesterday and I will be posting a happy update soon!!! (Also, I see other posts that say things like “sorry for format, I’m on mobile”. I only use Reddit on mobile so not sure what it looks like? But sorry for format if it looks wonky to others lol)
6points
At the end of the day, maintaining healthy relationships takes effort from both sides. One person alone can’t fix years of tension or miscommunication. That’s why these stories about difficult mothers-in-law hit such a nerve—they show what happens when understanding and respect are missing. Some of these posts are shocking, some frustrating, and some painfully relatable. They remind us how important it is to address issues early rather than letting them spiral. Which one of these made you stop and think? Do you have a great relationship with your in-laws, or is it complicated? Share your thoughts and experiences.
#10
AITA for telling my husband that he has to let my dad witness his colonoscopy?
My mother-in-law wants to be in the room when I give birth. She is an unpleasant and pushy woman and none of her own daughters have allowed her near them when they gave birth. My sisters-in-law are all at least twelve years older than my husband and are all done having kids. I am the last chance for my mother-in-law to see the birth of a grandchild.
I have zero interest in letting that judgmental old woman see me down there. She has objected to me from the beginning because I have tattoos and am not in any way interested in being a stay at home wife. I have a lot of tattoos and a career I plan on continuing. And I have tattoos down there that are none of her business.
My husband is her baby boy. He is a good husband and has stood up for me against her many times. When she tried to interfere with our wedding he put his foot down. When she tried to convince him that we should move to his hometown where he could work from but I would not be able to find an employer in my line of work he said no because my career is important to me and, while we can live off of his earnings and the cost of living is lower in his home town, our combined earnings are much better all together.
She has started crying to him that all she wants is to see a grandchild being born. All her friends have experienced it and she wants it. He is starting to crumble under her emotional blackmail.
So I made it clear that the only way I would agree was if, before the birth, my husband made arrangements for my father to witness him getting a colonoscopy. He would need a ride anyways so two birds one stone you know. He said I'm being ridiculous but I said none of my brothers would let my dad see them getting a camera shoved up their ass and he felt left out.
He finally understood my point but his mother is upset that I used such a stupid comparison. She says that it isn't the same thing at all. I offered to change it to me watching her get a Brazilian wax and she hasn't called in a week.
I know seeing a baby being born might be her dream but I am not interested.
AITA?
My mother-in-law wants to be in the room when I give birth. She is an unpleasant and pushy woman and none of her own daughters have allowed her near them when they gave birth. My sisters-in-law are all at least twelve years older than my husband and are all done having kids. I am the last chance for my mother-in-law to see the birth of a grandchild.
I have zero interest in letting that judgmental old woman see me down there. She has objected to me from the beginning because I have tattoos and am not in any way interested in being a stay at home wife. I have a lot of tattoos and a career I plan on continuing. And I have tattoos down there that are none of her business.
My husband is her baby boy. He is a good husband and has stood up for me against her many times. When she tried to interfere with our wedding he put his foot down. When she tried to convince him that we should move to his hometown where he could work from but I would not be able to find an employer in my line of work he said no because my career is important to me and, while we can live off of his earnings and the cost of living is lower in his home town, our combined earnings are much better all together.
She has started crying to him that all she wants is to see a grandchild being born. All her friends have experienced it and she wants it. He is starting to crumble under her emotional blackmail.
So I made it clear that the only way I would agree was if, before the birth, my husband made arrangements for my father to witness him getting a colonoscopy. He would need a ride anyways so two birds one stone you know. He said I'm being ridiculous but I said none of my brothers would let my dad see them getting a camera shoved up their ass and he felt left out.
He finally understood my point but his mother is upset that I used such a stupid comparison. She says that it isn't the same thing at all. I offered to change it to me watching her get a Brazilian wax and she hasn't called in a week.
I know seeing a baby being born might be her dream but I am not interested.
AITA?
5points