Accepting a person for who they truly are, even if we love them dearly, can sometimes be really difficult. After all, how could they be something other than the idea of them that we created in our minds, regardless of how they feel about it?
But nothing is really impossible if we honestly put our minds to it. A great example of this is the story of a mother who, at first, was very shocked to learn that her son was actually her daughter. But while her road to acceptance was long and, at times, difficult, in the end, it resulted in a very wholesome mother-daughter story that truly warmed the hearts of netizens. Scroll down to learn how it all went down!
More info: Reddit
Accepting that the person you care about is not exactly who you thought they were might be difficult, but it's not impossible
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
A mother learned that her son was actually her daughter and, despite being otherwise open-minded, had a strong reaction to it
Image credits: Alexander Grey (not the actual photo)
She was very resistant at first but was also always honest with her daughter about how she felt, keeping an open communication
Image credits: Anna Tarazevich (not the actual photo)
As time went by, the mother was putting in effort to become more accepting, but it only really started to kick in once she realized how much happier her daughter now was
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The woman realized that all this was a grieving process, as she had lost the son she thought she had but gained a daughter she wasn't aware of and was very thankful for
The OP began by saying that she never had any problems with trans people, but taking in the fact that one of her children didn't feel right in their gender assigned at birth shocked her nonetheless. Her journey to acceptance began with denial, as, in the beginning, she actively argued against what she had just learned.
Along that road, the mother hit many obstacles and experienced various struggles, but no matter how she was faring, she was always honest with her daughter, even if it caused additional frustration and anger.
As time went by, the OP noticed that her child was becoming happier and found herself less and less resistant toward the idea that her son was actually her daughter. Soon, the mother became more invested in what her daughter was going through, and they started opening up conversations about the transitioning process and all the work that went into it.
Of course, the struggles didn’t just magically disappear for either one of them. For the mother, it took talking to other trans parents and friends to accept that she can’t do it perfectly on the first try and that it will take time to adjust to it fully. For the daughter, it took enduring hurtful words from other relatives and making some compromises, sometimes choosing the less pleasant road and pretending to be still a boy to avoid conflict when there was no better way around it.
Summarizing, the woman explained how she seemingly went through a grieving process of losing the child that she thought she had. And yet, at the same time, she began to know her daughter.
Even at the time of the post, the OP admitted that there was still a long road ahead of them and that the sailing might never be completely smooth. But, for what it’s worth, they’re both doing their best and recognizing each other’s effort, which matters most.
Most of the people in the comments were very supportive of the woman, saying that she is a better parent than she realizes and sharing their own related stories, helping to put this into perspective.
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Almost every parent wants to be there for their children, and it’s clear why. But even those who think they’re prepared for anything can’t possibly be ready for everything, and, thus, it’s easy to be caught unprepared.
Paria Hassouri of The New York Times had a story just like that. Despite being a pediatrician and mother of three, she was sure she could easily handle any parenting scenario thrown at her. And yet, when her daughter came out as trans, it took her and her husband a good while before they were walking down the Pride Parade hand in hand with their daughter.
However, out of all that, she took a few lessons that she shared with the rest of us, and it all starts with being optimistic for your child. While the couple really did love and care for their daughter, ever since her coming out, their language became mostly negative.
The parents were always asking if she was sure about it and never missed a chance to worry about how much more difficult and unsafe her life might become due to this decision. It took their daughter breaking down in the living room for her mom and dad to realize their mistakes, and ever since then, they decided to give her the fullest support they could, which had an immensely positive impact.
A similar rule applies when it comes to making decisions. The author shared that all the decisions about your child, whether trans or not, should always be made out of love, not fear. It is only natural to fear for your child, but life is unpredictable, and you can’t protect them from everything. So, if you follow love instead, you’ll find yourself more often asking, ‘How can I help them?’ rather than ‘What if they regret or change their mind?’
Lastly, Paria also explained that educating yourself about trans people in situations like this is essential, but you also have to always keep in mind that there is no one way to be trans or go through a transition. You can’t do it for them, no matter how much you think you know. The only way to help is to listen to them and support them in a suitable way.
Ultimately, every person goes through their own unique journey in life, and whatever it may be, it’s always wonderful to have people around who support you. However, every one of those people is also on their own road and views the world through their own personal lens. Therefore, to find a mutual language, we have to communicate and put effort into working it out, just as the OP’s story testified. With that, the rest will follow.
What did you think about this story? Do you know any similar stories like this that you’d like to share? The comments section is waiting for you!
The commenters were very supportive, as they kept telling the woman that she was a better parent than she realized
