In a family, you have different relationships with different members and you wouldn’t say things to your parents that you may confide with your siblings; you would also treat them differently and behave around them accordingly. It’s because the parents are higher in the family hierarchy than children, but what’s important here is the love they feel for each other.
Not every family possesses this quality and kids might not appreciate their parents if they are very strict, or parents may have a favorite child and not even hide it. Reddit user Proud_Buyer_8918 found herself in this exact situation and when her sister asked why she was leaving their house, the big sister took off her rose-tinted glasses.
More info: Reddit
Teen is offended her older sister is planning on leaving home after their parents have done so much for them, so she tells her how she really feels about the family
Image credits: Georgia National Guard (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 17-year-old that is still living with her parents, but is planning to move away as soon as she’s legally allowed on her 18th birthday.
The reason for this is that she feels that all her life, since her little sister was born, she was expected to grow up immediately and not only take care of herself, but her sister and the house as well.
Although the little sister wasn’t sick or disabled, or limited in any way, the parents taught the OP that she must take care of her. She has to feed her, play with her and spend time with her as soon as she’s home to make her happy.
The sister was spoiled by her parents and if she wanted anything - candy, toys, sleepovers or trips - she would get it, while if the OP asked for any of this, she would be told to act her age and never get to hang out with friends or get a birthday party.
The OP is 17 years old and has a sister who is 3 years younger than her
Image credits: u/Proud_Buyer_8918
Understandably, after some time, this situation wasn’t working anymore for the OP and she started to distance herself from both her sister and her parents, stopped doing chores and being an in-house maid, especially because on top of that, she was trying to earn some money by working.
As OP’s 18th birthday is approaching, she has been thinking of a plan to finally leave the house and she is actually planning on renting an apartment with a couple of friends who already graduated early and moved out of their homes.
The little sister overheard it and expressed how disgusted and disappointed she was that the OP would leave them like that after their parents have done so much for them and were saving up money for their college funds.
For as long as she remembers, her parents have always spoiled her little sister and the OP was turned into a maid and babysitter
Image credits: u/Proud_Buyer_8918
Somehow the 14-year-old never realized that the parents would only make her happy and provide for her but ignore her older sister. That made the OP snap and she poured out everything that was on her mind about being underappreciated and not loved in this family, about how she is treated like a maid and has never been given a chance to be a kid.
Also, she knows her parents only saved up for the little sister’s college and she won’t be getting anything, so there is no reason to stay with a family that doesn’t love her and shows it so obviously.
The little sister would get her every desire granted and the OP would get told to act her age even though she was a kid herself
Image credits: u/Proud_Buyer_8918
The OP told her sister the truth, revealing that she is the preferred child and her parents aren’t as loving people as she imagined, which made her upset. She had the audacity to complain that her bigger sister was mean and a jerk for offloading this information on her shoulders.
This was the OP’s question. Was she really mean and should have stayed silent about how she felt? Most people thought that her 14-year-old sister was old enough to know how she was treated and how she felt. They pointed out that the older sister didn’t cuss or get violent, but she just had an outburst of emotions that she had been bottling up all these years.
As the teen's 18th birthday is approaching, she is planning to move out and escape the family that doesn't love her
Image credits: u/Proud_Buyer_8918
People tried to give advice and the teen was very active in the comments replying to people and answering their questions. To those who said that she should have a calm conversation with her parents, the OP replied that she tried and it never got anywhere. And she doesn’t have an adult to stand up for her as she doesn’t know her extended family.
Many people were appalled at the unfairness that OP’s sister got a college fund and she didn’t. Turns out, the teen tried to reason with her parents about it, but was dismissed and called a leech for wanting one.
When someone questioned whether the OP was her parents' biological child, she explained, “I look just like my dad. And I have seen a couple of photos of when I was born and my mom definitely gave birth to me.”
Image credits: Chris Gladis (not the actual photo)
The little sister found out about OP's plans and thought she was acting ungrateful by leaving her and her parents
Image credits: u/Proud_Buyer_8918
In the comments, the OP went into more details about what it was like growing up with her sister: “She has zero chores. She does not need to pick up after herself. She does not get her own snacks. She does not get her own drink or anything. She can make a mess and someone else cleans it up. For years that has been 99% me. Money has never changed. She was 5 and I was 8. She wanted a video game console. She got it. I wanted some candy and was told to act my age.”
The favoritism here is obvious, the parents didn’t even try to justify it and the OP felt unloved. She recognizes that she will need therapy when she’ll be able to afford it. The teen is really self-aware, as pediatrician Dr. Shelly Vaziri Flais claims that “The problem is that a perception of being the least favorite child can take a definite hit on a kid’s self-esteem.”
Also, a study by researchers at Brigham Young University showed that children who perceived themselves as less favored are more likely to try out drugs, drinking and smoking as teenagers.
Image credits: Twisted Realm (not the actual photo)
So the OP explained to her sister in an outburst that only she had a good life in that house, but she was neglected and treated like a maid
Image credits: u/Proud_Buyer_8918
Mallory Williams, LCSW adds that even the favored child may experience consequences of being treated differently than their sibling: “The biggest long-term dangers are depression, anxiety, unstable or even traumatic reactions in personal relationships, and performance anxiety for both the favored and non-favored children.”
The non-favored child will feel the effects of being unloved in various aspects of their lives, “[they] will experience low self-worth and value, feelings of rejection and inadequacy, and a sort of ‘giving up’ due to feeling like they can never be worthy of the same attention, love, and affection that the favored child receives. This often has long-term implications on their performance on jobs, in school, and in interpersonal relationships, as the parenting relationship sets the foundation and expectations of future relationships.”
The younger sister was taken aback and she thought the OP was mean for unloading this truth on her
Image credits: u/Proud_Buyer_8918
It’s really unfortunate that OP’s parents put her through such trauma that she will have to deal with for many years to come, but at least she has a plan and is aware of her emotions and need of help.
What do you think the teen can do? Have you ever been in a similar situation? How did that work out? Let us know your stories and thoughts in the comments.
But redditors believed the sister had to know the truth and were kind of surprised she didn't notice the discriminatory treatment herself
