Just like physics, life has a few relatively straightforward laws that govern human relationships and socializing.
It’s things like we don’t talk about X in this house (if you do, you get the axe) and there is only one answer to ‘does this [article of clothing] make me look fat?’ (don’t ask, we don’t know).
Somewhere among these, there’s also the law that if you become a parent, I guess I’m gonna need a new friend. Often, new parents grow distant from their child-free friends, usually because interests and circles change. And it seems this one story is no exception, though there are exceptions to the exception in the story, but we don’t talk about that in this house.
More Info: Reddit
You’d think having a wine night would also obviously mean not bringing your kids to the party, right?
Image credits: Kawe Rodrigues (not the actual photo)
Well, it seems some don’t really get the memo, as a Redditor shared her experience of having to leave a party for that reason
Image credits: u/dvh82685
Her leaving the party led to some folks connecting the dots and blaming her for doing it all because one friend spontaneously brought their kid with them
Image credits: Kelsey Chance (not the actual photo)
This one Redditor recently turned to the r/AITA community for some perspective on a problem she’s been having.
The story goes that OP has been a part of a group of friends since university—7 in total, all women. OP is the only one who’s child-free, while one is childless, two are pregnant and the remaining three have kids. You can probably see where this is going.
For a group like that, it’s hard to find a time when everyone could be available to meet. What makes this even more problematic is that some particular members of this group tend to bring their kids to their social gatherings—ones that ought to be adults only. Because wine. And social norms.
And, alas, that one time when the stars aligned and it was a once in a blue moon situation, and the seven finally agreed on a time, without anyone asking to bring their offspring with them, it still happened. And then their entire social gathering that was supposed to be an adults-only barbecue and wine night turned into a night of keeping the kid entertained.
OP would always get out of situations when it was clear that someone would bring a kid—not because she didn’t like them, she actually works with them, but because girls' night immediately loses its focus and becomes something else. But this time, nobody mentioned kids and it was a surprise to her.
This, however, did not stop OP from simply excusing herself midway through the social function, saying she didn’t feel well. And it was only later that she started getting very upset texts from very upset friends when they figured out what the deal was.
Image credits: Jay Chen (not the actual photo)
Some flat-out called her a jerk, while some others were annoyed. But then there was that one cool mom in the group who had OP’s back and offered to meet up for a proper wine night, so shout-out to that mom!
This in turn prompted OP to find out if she was wrong to leave like that. And folks in the community were teetering between not the jerk and no jerks here verdicts.
On one side, you have people arguing that it was a girls' night out, barbecue and wine, friends from university—what part of that entails bringing your kids along? This one person explained that there is nothing wrong with not wanting kids around. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad, just different, but still throws off the tone of why they’re meeting in the first place.
On the other hand, you have those who say that nobody is wrong here. The biggest reason was that there is a suspicion the clique is breaking apart. That’s very normal as interests change, priorities change, and some friends drift away naturally. There was also the argument of majority rules, and if most are with kids, then OP is in the minority in this one.
The post generated quite a discussion, leading to over 2,500 comments for a post that garnered 16,000 upvotes (94% upvoted). You can check it all out in context here.
Image credits: Brookie Cagle (not the actual photo)
Now, why do parents insist on bringing their kids everywhere? The answer is quite simple: experiencing the world as much as they can is good for them.
Starting with birth, kids are like experiential sponges that suck in all the worldly input they receive through their senses and activities. Sure, they don’t necessarily remember a lot in the early days, like being breastfed or being rocked or held and learning to walk, but it is done because it has an impact on their perception and development. And it’s cumulative.
Take book reading, for instance. Even if kids can’t hold a book, let alone read, you can still read to them, and it will develop an appreciation for books, increase their language and listening capabilities, and will prepare them to become bookworms themselves.
This same tactic can be used for all other activities, ranging from travel and sports to simple daily routines and family functions. The more they see of the world, the more prepared they will be for life and the more they might embrace it. And that includes the good, the bad, and the ugly. An experience is still an experience.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Let us know your thoughts, opinions and stories in the comment section below!
Folks were a bit indecisive about this, whether the author of the post is completely not a jerk, or nobody’s a jerk at all
