Parenting is one of those things where nearly everybody has a strong opinion on how to do it ‘right.’ The reality is that raising kids is going to throw a lot of surprising challenges your way. Especially if you’re a twin parent! One question is how to balance inclusivity with individuality.
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Kristen (@thefoxsaystwins), a mom of identical twin girls and a popular parenting content creator, went massively viral on TikTok and in the media after raising a sensitive celebration-related question. She opened up about how only one of her kids got an invite to a classmate’s party, which left her facing a serious dilemma. Scroll down for the full story and to see the online debate her clip started!
Bored Panda has reached out to Kristen via email, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Twin parents deal with many challenges that others might not even be aware of. One major issue is finding a balance between individuality and inclusivity
Image credits: Tim Bish/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Mom Kristen, who has twins, sparked a heated discussion after opening up about how only one of her girls got an invite to a classmate's birthday party
Image credits: thefoxsaystwins
"I knew this day was coming, but I was so not prepared for it. It's been bugging me the entire drive to work. Last night we received an invitation for one of my two twin girls to go to a birthday party. One of the two of them. And if you're new, I have almost five-year-old twins, they are in TK and they're in the same class, and the invite came and it was only for one of them."
Image credits: thefoxsaystwins
"I've been racking my brain on what to do. I knew that this was gonna happen eventually. I just didn't think that it was gonna happen, you know, at this age. Feel like it's an all-or-nothing situation, so either both are going to the party or none are going to the party."
Image credits: thefoxsaystwins
"What I've got is that I'm going to message the mom, who I don't know, and just say, 'Hi, um, thanks so much for the invite. I wanted to see if it was for, um, one or both of the girls to come, um, since they're in the same class. Either answer is fine, um, but just let me know.' And if the answer is one of them, uh, the answer is gonna be an RSVP of no from us because I literally cannot think about the hurt that that will cause in the girl that was not invited."
Image credits: thefoxsaystwins
Image credits: Daniel Martinez/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
You can watch the mom's video in full right over here
As the topic went viral, she continued the discussion in a series of other clips on TikTok
There has been an increase in twin deliveries over the past few decades; however, things might be changing in the near future
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Your chances of having twins have been growing a lot over the past few decades. According to a recent study from Oxford, around 1.6 million twins are delivered every year around the globe. As per the research, most twins are now born in the Global South; however, there have also been major increases in Asia, Europe, and North America.
The twinning rate has grown significantly over the past 40 years, rising from 9 births per 1,000 to 12 per 1,000. This is an increase of a third, meaning that one in every 42 babies born in this day and age is a twin.
The BBC reports that some of the reasons for this increase in twins include delayed childbearing and medical techniques like in vitro fertilization (IVF). However, things might change from here on out.
Africa and Asia make up nearly four-fifths of all twin deliveries in the world. “The twinning rate in Africa is so high because of the high number of dizygotic twins—twins born from two separate eggs—born there,†explains Professor Christiaan Monden, from the University of Oxford, the study’s author.
“This is most likely to be due to genetic differences between the African population and other populations.â€
Twinning rates in Europe, North America, and Oceanic countries have been increasing for the past few decades due to the rising popularity of medically assisted reproduction. Techniques like IVF, ICSI, artificial insemination, and ovarian stimulation increase the chance of multiple births. As does the increased use of contraception, lower fertility, and deciding to start families later in life.
However, now, there’s more emphasis on so-called ‘singleton pregnancies.’ According to Professor Monden, these are safer and reduce the chances of complications during pregnancy and during and after delivery.
The mom's approach got mixed responses on the internet
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Mom Kristen made a big splash on the internet with her twin birthday invite-related video, as well as all of her follow-up clips. At the time of writing, her initial video had garnered 753k views, 23.1k likes, as well as over 3k comments.
Her position was straightforward: she wanted both of her girls to be invited to the party. For her, it was an all-or-nothing scenario so that nobody would feel left out. However, while some internet users were on her side (mostly on Instagram), not every parent was on the same page as Kristen. Some of them think that it’s healthy for twins to have lives of their own, instead of doing absolutely everything together.
The content creator later reached out to her twins’ classmate’s mom about the invite, who revealed that the entire situation was a big mix-up.
“I've been active on TikTok for five years and I've had some other things that are controversial, but this did not feel like something that was going to be that. I was incredibly surprised by the amount of negative feedback in response to the situation,†Kristen said to People about the events in November.
“They had experiences where their kids were identical and a friend didn't understand they were playing with two separate kids. I did think about it, because my girls are super identical,†she said.
According to the mom, she got “massive hate†for broaching the topic on TikTok. Some internet users accused her of being entitled. “They told me that my twins are individuals and they're going to have their own friends. And look, I totally agree. There will be a time and place where only one gets invited to things. There's gonna be many times in my life where there's one invited and one is not, but this is for a 5th birthday party. These kids are so young, and they're in the same class and they're the same gender."
Some TikTokers went way overboard with how they reacted, and it’s a reminder not to be so quick to judge others, especially on the internet. "People were like, 'How dare you think about reaching out to the mom to confirm?' And I think that was the most surprising thing, that a lot of people had negative feedback around my feeling that our RSVP was either going to be for both or none. That stemmed from me asking them if they wanted to go, because sometimes kids don't want to go to these things which is all right too," Kristen explained to People.
Good communication is always the right approach. As it turns out, there was a big mix-up with the invite
Image credits: Kate Macate/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
From the mom’s perspective, she did nothing wrong to reach out to the other parent. "I made it very clear when I messaged the mom that I was embarrassed to even be sending the message. Either answer was totally okay and I truly mean that. It's just that right now, I didn't feel like I was in a place to pick up the pieces for the one who wasn't invited because I don't think there's anything I could have done with her to make up for missing a birthday party with her friends that her sister was included in at this age."
It’s a good thing that she went through with her plan and opted for open and honest communication. The issue? A glitch with Evite. "Evite doesn't let you include the same email address twice. So the mom uploaded the class roster and since both my daughters have my contact information identical, it only went out to one. Once I shared what really happened, the comments were more positive, but some people were like, 'You gave her no choice. You forced her hand.' I don't agree with that, but I know I followed my gut," she said.
Kristen opened up to People that she started her social media project centered on her twins because the entire experience was tough. "We weren't expecting twins, let alone identical twins. It happened randomly. It was a way to get some information out there during pregnancy and help me kind of get through that first year. Then after the girls turned 1, it was like there was nothing available to me," she said.
"Other twin moms were really buttoned up and put together and I was hanging on by a thread. I don't have time to do my hair or makeup. I wanted to share authentically and honestly what it's like to be a mom of twins. There's been so much support and it also helps others. If I can help another twin mom or twin dad feel seen and like, 'Wow, I'm not at this alone,' then that's a win."
But what are your thoughts, dear Pandas? How would you have handled the situation if you were in Kristen’s shoes? Would you be okay if only one of your twins got invited to a party, or would you want both of them to be included in these sorts of celebrations? Have you ever experienced any birthday invite mishaps, whether with your own kids or when you were small? We’d love to hear your take on everything. If you have a moment, scroll down to the comments to share your thoughts.
The topic caught a lot of parents' attention online. Here's how some of them reacted to Kristen's video
Here are some other people who shared their perspectives as the story continued to spread across the internet
