Romantic relationships are supposed to be a safe space for people to be themselves and feel comforted and respected. When even this basic criterion isn’t met, it can be a red flag that there’s something wrong and that folks need to re-evaluate everything.
This is what one woman began feeling decades into her marriage as her husband kept hiding and getting rid of her stuff despite her telling him not to. On top of that, he also made her feel like she was the crazy one for calling him out.
Dealing with a partner who is a gaslighter can be difficult, as they are often adept at avoiding consequences and putting the blame on the other person
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster mentioned that she had been telling her husband for decades to stop hiding, reorganizing, or throwing out her stuff, but he just wouldn’t listen
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman gave multiple examples of her husband throwing out her possessions and then getting mad at her for confronting him, as he was just “helping”
Image credits: wavebreak media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster kept wondering if she should treat her husband the same way by hiding his stuff, but she felt that it probably wouldn’t even bother him
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Since the woman was at her wits' end on how to stop her husband from moving her stuff, she asked folks for help on the best way to deal with his behavior
It seems like the OP had been struggling with her husband’s “helpfulness” for a long time, because she mentioned that she had probably told him over a hundred times not to touch her stuff. Despite that, he kept moving her things around, disposing of them, and even hiding items without her permission.
According to research, around 37% of couples have strict boundaries about their possessions and don’t allow their partner to touch those personal items. This is mainly because they value their privacy and feel that if their loved one is going through their stuff without permission, it can signal a breach of trust.
That’s exactly what the poster had been feeling for a while, and because her husband never listened to her concerns, she felt the need to lock up her possessions from him and his mother. Unfortunately, he also kept trying to turn the tables on her by saying that he was only trying to help her by rearranging her things.
Although it might seem like the man’s actions came from a place of love and care, experts actually explain that this can be a sign of control. Any partner who disregards their loved one’s boundaries and invades their privacy again and again might be trying to assert dominance rather than showing actual concern.
Image credits: wavebreak media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After decades of trying to get her husband to respect her boundaries, the woman wondered if she should try the same tactics on him just to get him to listen. She realized that he probably would not even be affected or notice his possessions missing, which wouldn’t do much to change the issue.
She also didn’t want to keep asking him to change his ways since he kept making it seem like she was the crazy one. Unfortunately, professionals explain that this kind of tactic is known as gaslighting, and it’s a way of making someone question their reality by convincing them that they’re in the wrong.
It seems like this is exactly what the man kept doing to the OP, as he would always undermine her distress and make it seem like she was making a big deal out of things. He also got mad when she called him out on his behavior and tried to convince her that he was only being helpful.
Even though the woman had been dealing with this issue for quite a long time, she didn’t want to leave her husband. Instead, she decided to work things out with him, which is why she asked folks for advice on easy ways to explain her perspective to her partner.
What do you think about the woman’s predicament, and how would you have dealt with such behavior from a loved one? We’d love to hear your opinions on this story.
People felt that the man was deliberately inconveniencing his wife, and they were shocked that she put up with his behavior for years
