Being human means having your own opinions and with those come disagreements, especially between couples. But the way you deal with these disagreement problems determines how long your relationship will stay healthy. And if some partners act aggressively in these situations, then resolving the issue becomes almost impossible.
Aggression is never the answer, as Reddit user Fit-Complex-6771 learned the hard way. She’s a recovering alcoholic and when she found out that her boyfriend had been using vodka in his cooking, she lashed out and broke the $80 bottle, but when he asked to be refunded, she refused and faced netizens’ disapproval.
More info: Reddit
This recovering alcoholic who had been with her boyfriend Sean for 1.5 years had told him about her issues and he was fine with it
Image credits: Jason Briscoe (not the actual photo)
Although he never drank in front of her, he did with his friends, and this bothered her but she never said anything to him
Image credits: u/Fit-Complex-6771
Image credits: Georgie Devlin (not the actual photo)
One day while he was cooking for them, she saw a vodka bottle on the countertop and he explained that he used it in pasta sauce, which they had been eating twice every month
Image credits: u/Fit-Complex-6771
Image credits: Engin Akyurt (not the actual photo)
He said that he had told her but she didn't remember, however, enraged by the vodka, she knocked the bottle from the countertop and stormed off to her mom's
Image credits: u/Fit-Complex-6771
He called her and apologized for triggering her, but also asked her to refund him $80 for the bottle, she refused to do so even when her mom told her to
Today we delve into the original poster’s (OP) story about a conflict she had with her boyfriend Sean and how she got called out by the netizens; let’s begin, shall we? So, the poster tells us that she was a recovering alcoholic and she had been with Sean for 1.5 years. He was aware of her condition and didn’t have any issues with it. And even though he never drank in front of her, he did with his friends. This apparently bothered her.
On a Sunday, he was cooking for her when she spotted a bottle of vodka on the counter. When he noticed her staring at it, he explained that he used it to make pasta sauce. Turns out that he makes it twice every month using the vodka. Probably sensing trouble, he said that he had mentioned this to her before.
But OP said she didn’t remember and got mad. Well, that’s when things took a turn for the worse. Her anger got the better of her and she knocked the bottle off the counter, stormed out, and went to her mom’s. Sean called her and apologized for triggering her. However, he asked her to refund him the cost of the vodka bottle which was $80.
OP straight out refused to do so, even when her mom told her to. And since then, there’s been no contact between them. She went online and narrated the story, only to find out that netizens disapproved of her rash actions. So much so, that she made an edit explaining that she was going to give him $80 worth of stuff to make up for it.
However, there were a few folks who called out her boyfriend for saying that the alcohol cooks away when research says that’s not true at all; rather, it’s a myth, as 85% of it is retained in the food. These folks also showed sympathy for the poster, saying that her boyfriend should’ve been more careful about his cooking habits with her.
But they also mentioned that OP’s reaction was a tad bit too much. She shouldn’t have gotten aggressive, she should’ve just asked him to stop using it. They felt he might have listened to her if she explained things to him. And that does sound like a reasonable solution. But that’s not what she did, was it? Her drastic action outraged other netizens.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda interviewed Eden Lobo, a counselor and psychology professor. She said, “Violence is not acceptable in any form. Such actions displayed in front of your partner shows that you’re using aggression as a way to threaten them or to assert dominance. A partner who witnesses that will always be afraid of making you angry because there is a possibility that the aggression can one day be turned against the partner. There are healthy ways of communicating negative emotions and healthy ways of coping with them.”
Looks like what the Redditors told the poster sounded like the best solution in this situation. If only she had communicated with her boyfriend, it would have been so much easier. Alas, each human is built a different way and we can’t do anything about it. Prof. Lobo also told us about the difficulties faced by recovering alcoholics.
She explained, “To acquire an addiction is the easiest but to control the addiction is the hardest. It requires great strength and resilience to hold back. There are a lot of triggers so it becomes difficult to avoid that.” So, the poster’s anger at her boyfriend is justified but her reaction is definitely not!
Another aspect that Prof. Lobo stressed is how destructive behavior from one partner has an impact on the other and their relationship. According to her, “Such behavior impacts the safety and trust of your partner who is always going to feel afraid to express ideas and opinions or anger you. They won’t be able to be genuine or open in the relationship. That could lead to resentment, depression, or anxiety.”
“The partner at the receiving end of such unsettling behavior can also feel insecure because their partner is unpredictable. It might make them feel invalidated, worthless, helpless, and frustrated. They will have to keep things bottled in and with time it could affect their mental health.” If the poster’s behavior could adversely impact her boyfriend’s mental health, then the wake-up call she faced from Redditors seems to be for her and the man’s own good.
Wouldn’t you agree with the netizens and our expert? If not, don’t forget to express yourselves in the comments. Also, if you have ever been through something similar, do not hesitate to tell us about your experiences, just scroll down and type your heart out!
Netizens lashed out against her for destroying his property and acting aggressively when it could've been solved by simply asking him not to do so in the future
