Planning a wedding can be an incredibly stressful process. It can often feel like there are a million little details to arrange, and trying to please everyone who will be in attendance is exhausting. But unfortunately, some relatives still think that they should have a say in the big day, even if the bride and groom don’t want to hear their opinions.
One man recently reached out to Reddit for advice after he announced his wedding date and found himself in some family drama. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
This man and his fiancée are in the midst of planning their big day
Image credits: Emma Bauso / pexels (not the actual photo)
But when they announced the date, the groom’s mother immediately started begging the couple to change it
Image credits: Daniel J. Schwarz / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AdditionalHost9466
Later, the groom responded to several questions from readers and provided more information about the situation
Parents often want to have a say in their children's weddings
A wedding is for (and should be all about) the happy couple. Relatives may have thoughts on where the ceremony should be held, what dress looks best on the bride, what kind of food should be served and who should receive an invitation. But at the end of the day, it’s up to the couple tying the knot to call all of the shots, regardless of what their parents might think.
When it comes to how much say the bride and groom’s parents should have in the big day, Brides.com notes that it’s important for everyone to get on the same page early in the planning process. If the couple is open to hearing suggestions from their family members, they might invite Mom and Dad to share their preferences. But if they’re determined to make all of the decisions themselves, their parents should respect that.
One factor that might make parents more inclined to weigh in on how the wedding should be is if they’re paying for a significant portion of it. According to a survey from The Knot, couples and their parents typically split the cost of a wedding almost right down the middle. Parents tend to foot 52% of the bill, while the bride and groom cover the rest. But does that mean that the parents are entitled to make important decisions about the big day?
Etiquette coach Lillian Njiru doesn’t think so. Njiru told Brides.com that this money should be seen as a gift from the parents to their child and their future son or daughter-in-law. And when we give someone a present, we usually don’t get to demand that they use it in a specific way in the future. Once the gift has been handed over, it no longer belongs to the giver at all.
The bride and groom get to decide who is welcome at the celebration
Image credits: Dmitry Zvolskiy / pexels (not the actual photo)
If relatives are causing issues or adding unnecessary stress while you’re wedding planning, you can always reserve the right to uninvite them. Now, you have to weigh the pros and cons of deciding to take this measure, as it might land you in even more hot water with relatives. But if you’ve decided that it’s in your best interest to exclude a family member from your big day, that’s something they’re going to have to accept.
The Knot notes on their site that there are several reasons why you might make the choice to exclude a relative from your wedding. Perhaps they don’t support your relationship, or you had a falling out. Or maybe they’re controlling, and you don’t need that energy around on the happiest day of your life.
Unfortunately, you may need to have a difficult conversation to explain why they won’t be on the guest list. You can use excuses like venue or budget constraints if you don’t want to be brutally honest about why they won’t be included, The Knot recommends. And if they push back, remember that the day is about you and your partner, not them. Don’t let them make you feel guilty about having your ideal wedding day.
But if you don’t mind them being included in certain parts of the celebration, you can extend an invitation to the reception but not the ceremony, or vice versa. There’s no wrong way to have your big day, so feel free to create rules that work for you and your partner.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother has the right to ask her son to change the date, or is she overstepping her bounds? Feel free to weigh in, and then you can check out another Bored Panda article discussing wedding drama right here!
Many readers agreed that the man had every right to put his foot down
However, some weren't entirely on the groom's side
