Parents’ blessing to marry the person you chose once was very important and the marriage wouldn’t carry on without it. Now children are free to make their own decisions regardless of what their parents think, but you still would like your spouse and your family to get along.
Unfortunately, that didn’t happen in Reddit user RiskCurious7230’s case as he saw his daughter-in-law’s real face and didn’t want to see it at family functions anymore.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes parents don't like their kid's spouse with no apparent reason and they just have to live with their choice
Image credits: Quang Nguyen Vinh (not the actual photo)
But this man disliked his DIL because of how rude and nasty she was to his daughter
Image credits: RiskCurious7230
The first memorable incident was on his son's wedding day when the man's other son's wife was sat at a separate table from the family
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RiskCurious7230
But what made him avoid his DIL was her comment about his daughter seeking attention when she announced her miscarriage
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual phtoto)
Image credits: RiskCurious7230
The man also let his DIL know that the whole family would be relieved if they never saw her at their gatherings
One of Original Poster’s (OP) children, who he calls Neil in the story, recently got married to Debbie. As the dad reveals in the comments, the wedding planning took about two years and as soon as it started, the family felt that Debbie changed.
Wedding planning is stressful and brides have a lot of pressure to make sure that everything is perfect, which could lead to conflicts and snappy comments. But in the eyes of the OP, she was a true bridezilla because his other two children are already married and the brides were never as nasty as Debbie.
On the actual wedding day, she said her sister-in-law looked disgusting in the tight bridesmaid’s dress she picked herself, despite knowing that she was 3 months pregnant, and was mad the bridesmaid's morning sickness was taking attention from her.
She also made her SIL sit across the room from her husband because she was not “immediate family.” The worst was when Debbie accused OP’s daughter of seeking attention again when she announced in the family group chat that she miscarried.
The whole family was horrified by Debbie’s reaction and behavior in general so she was not invited to go to watch the Barbie movie with all the family girls who had a pink night out.
Debbie felt left out even more when she was not included in the annual family vacation at the beach and her husband decided to stand up for her. That is when he had to hear the truth that nobody in the family likes her and she would ruin it for everyone.
That offended Debbie and she threatened to never show up to any of the family gatherings, including the big ones like Thanksgiving or Christmas. The OP couldn’t resist telling her that’s actually a relief because no one would even want her there.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
While the OP’s response might be satisfying knowing that Debbie was put in her place and she should reconsider her behavior, the situation isn’t pleasant for anyone because as couples therapist Dr. Gary Brown says, “One of the more painful situations in life is when you fall in love with someone, only to realize that your family does not support your choice of a partner.”
Weddings should indicate a happy addition to the family and when it turns out that the marriage will split the family more than it will unite, it is a sad occurrence.
There are multiple reasons why a family might feel hostile towards your spouse. Very Well Mind mentions parents being “concerned that your partner is not right for you” as one of them. Additionally, they might be concerned for your safety or notice behaviors that are concern-worthy.
Other reasons might be a bit more malicious, like being jealous or being prejudiced against a culture or religion. They add that “it can also result from dysfunctional family relationships.”
According to Dr. Brown, if the parents just don't like your partner's clothes or political views, but your partner is a genuinely kind person, there is nothing more you can do except for asking cordiality from both parties. But it is always beneficial to hear their side because maybe they are picking up on red flags that you aren't.
Relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter says “Give your family the gift of listening to their complaints, once. Allow them to cover each issue without defense. When they’re done, thank them for caring.” And then act accordingly: if they raise any serious concerns, then there is reason to reconsider the relationship.
Do you think OP’s son should reconsider his relationship? Is Debbie’s behavior concerning enough to deserve being excluded from the family? Also, do you think excluding her is the solution and if there are ways to end the conflict peacefully? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
People in the comments wouldn't want to meet the post author's DIL either and agreed she needed to hear what he said
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