A recent wedding has been making headlines on Reddit for a unique and controversial reason. The groom's parents refused to pay for guests invited by the bride, making the couple serve different meals to their invitees and causing quite a bit of discomfort at the venue.
One of the people who witnessed the whole ordeal, Redditor Pistalrose, described how it all went down to the platform's community 'Wedding Drama' and their post is a testament to the challenges that can arise when families are forced into an alliance.
A lot can go wrong during a wedding
Image source: ILev4us (not the actual photo)
But this one was torn apart by financial tensions between the parents of the groom and bride
Image source: moniquewray (not the actual photo)
Image source: Pistalrose
If the groom's parents wanted more control over the wedding due to their bigger financial contribution, they should've negotiated with the other involved party
Image source: Drew Coffman (not the actual photo)
Wedding etiquette expert Lisa Lyons, who has been in the industry for about two decades, thinks the guest list should be devised with the couple's sensibility and budget in mind.
"Would it make sense to you and your fiancé to have 300 guests at a wedding, or is that something that would make more sense for someone else in your family to do, and you would feel most content with 75? Financially speaking, you can account for the number of wedding guests that you have to provide food and beverage for, along with your venue fees to account for 50% of your budget," Lyons explained.
So it sounds like the wedding Pistalrose attended had it completely backward — it was not the guest list that was put together according to the funds but the ceremony itself catered to the number of people who were coming.
Back in the day, this groom's parents probably would've had the deciding vote for the names. "Traditional etiquette dictates that the persons hosting the wedding determine the guest list," Lyons said.
But that's become a thing of the past. "Modern etiquette, I dare to say, dictates a transparent conversation between the couple and their families to determine that each set of parents gets one-third of the wedding guest list, and the couple gets the remainder.
And they probably could've worked something out together
Image source: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
However, the fact that the guests had totally different experiences seems radical even to this day.
As we mentioned in our recent article Bride’s Dad And His “Moral” Girlfriend Demand Her Wedding Is Entirely Vegan, So She Un-Invites Them, it's normal for the parents to contribute unequal sums. Although the lady's folks are the ones who usually dig deeper into their pockets.
According to BRIDES, if they are following tradition, the groom's family is traditionally responsible for the bride's engagement ring and wedding ring(s), all groom attire, groomsmen gifts, boutonnieres, and corsages for the appropriate wedding party and family members, the officiant’s fee, the marriage license, rehearsal dinner costs and transportation and lodging for the groom’s family and groomsmen.
The bride’s family is expected to bear the brunt of the expenses including the wedding dress, bridesmaids’ gifts (bridesmaids are still expected to buy their own dresses), the wedding planner or coordinator, the invitations, the flowers, the wedding reception, photography, the groom’s wedding ring, music, any pre-wedding day meals for the wedding party and transportation and lodging for the bride’s family and bridesmaids, as well as transportation for wedding guests, if needed.
If one side of the family offers to pay for a majority of the wedding and they expect to have more say when it comes to the wedding guest list, décor, wedding and reception location, and even the menu, everyone should make sure these types of expectations are clear from the get-go to avoid surprises like the one we just read about.
People had a lot to say about this strange situation
