People working within certain fields sometimes leave others under the impression that they are just having a good time, rather than doing their job. Such confusion gets enhanced even more in the circle of friends and relatives who feel free to use the help that wasn’t offered or despite having a different agreement. However, people enjoying a certain activity or having a certain connection to their clients is no indication their work is free unless they offer it.
This Redditor found herself in such a situation when, despite agreeing to take wedding pictures on very short notice, she was told after the fact she wouldn’t get paid on the agreed date and decided to not send pictures until receiving payment.
More info: Reddit
A wedding photographer was told she wouldn't get paid on the agreed date, so she refused to send pictures until then
Image credits: Tim Mossholder (not the actual photo)
The woman was called by her brother-in-law the night before his mom's wedding as their photographer canceled last minute
Image credits: Ulyana Tim (not the actual photo)
The wedding photographer agreed to help and traveled 4 hours with her camera to the wedding venue
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Belle0910
A woman brought it to the r/AmItheAsshole community online after she was called a jerk by her brother-in-law for refusing to send the wedding pictures she took until receiving the full payment, and asked the people online if she was being petty or professional by doing so.
The woman explained that she loves taking pictures and was unexpectedly called by her brother-in-law when she was out with her friends. The man explained that his mom’s wedding photographer canceled on the night before the wedding, so he asked the woman to help and told her she would be paid by a certain date.
She agreed and traveled for 4 hours with her camera to the wedding venue to take the wedding pictures. However, eventually, the photographer was told she wouldn’t be paid until much later that month or maybe only the month after.
The photographer responded she wouldn't send any more photos of the wedding until she received full payment. This led to the woman's brother-in-law calling her a jerk, as they needed the pictures as soon as possible.
Despite the agreement to get paid on a certain date, the photographer was told she wouldn't get paid until much later
Image credits: Jessica Lewis (not the actual photo)
The woman told the man she wouldn't send the rest of the wedding photos until she received the payment for her work
Being used by family and friends was discussed by Stef Daniel, who noted that being a yes person who is willing to help even if it is inconvenient for you sometimes leads others to take advantage of one’s willingness to be helpful and selfless.
This, in turn, tends to leave a person feeling resentful in addition to punctuating their status as “the family doormat”.
Daniel explained that while there is value in helping others and being polite, it becomes a problem when politeness and helpfulness equate to people being dishonest about what they can, want, and have time to do. For example, people feel bad saying no to someone in need, even if it means putting their needs on the back burner to suit someone else.
In short, the problem is thinking or being taught to think that one’s own needs are less important than the needs of others. While in fact, part of adult responsibility is to take care of one's own life first and foremost.
She advised that if helping someone else, especially constantly - means putting yourself out - it might be a good idea to use the 1-day rule. This consists of refraining from answering straight away when requested to do something one doesn’t want to or cannot do, thus avoiding the first impulse of saying yes, and then possibly telling the person the next day that you are unable to help.
Daniel also warned against becoming so resentful towards the people asking for assistance to the point of avoiding them. She explained this to be a very passive-aggressive way to deal with things, which doesn’t help to internalize or reinforce the feeling that your needs are as important as anyone else’s. She emphasized the need to feel good about saying no by giving oneself permission and saying no when needed.
Redditors backed the woman for keeping her leverage
