“Spiritual Awakening”: 49 People Who Canceled Their Wedding Last Minute Explain What Happened

Weddings can be super expensive. But I'm sure you knew that already. They also take time, effort and a whole lot of stress to plan, so when someone decides “let’s call the whole thing off,” there's often a good reason.

Researchers from the University of Missouri were so intrigued by couples that don't make it to the alter that they decided to do a study into the some of the main reasons. In 2020, the team interviewed 30 people who'd previously called off a wedding or engagement. The participants were between the ages of 18 and 48, and all had been in long-term, serious relationships, which lasted about 4 and a half years on average.

The paper, titled Beyond cold feet: Experiences of ending engagements and canceling weddings, revealed that one of the main reasons a bride or groom ducked out at the last minute was because the wedding got them thinking (more deeply and seriously) about the relationship’s future and if it could weather the storms to come.

“I thought at one point when he was yelling at me, like is this what I wanted for the rest of my life?” said one woman during the research interviews. While a male participant revealed that he remembered thinking, "If she’s not listening to me while we’re planning this wedding, this is one day of our lives, does that mean she’s not gonna take anything into consideration after we’re married?”

The researchers found that for women, the process planning the wedding was often the catalyst that got them visualizing the future. For one bride, a simple task told her all she needed to know... “I had found a wedding dress that I liked and I was trying it on, and I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought ‘I hope that [my ex-fiance ́] and I are still friends after we get divorced.’”

It was a bit different for the guys, say the researchers. Men who'd called off their weddings or engagements tended to do so after incompatibilities reared their ugly heads in the run-up to the big day. It might have been a small comment that got them thinking, or a glaring issue like disagreeing on whether or not to have kids.

Many of the study's participants, both male and female, admitted that the relationship problems had been there for a while. It just took something as big as a wedding for the couple to take their issues seriously.

Calling off a wedding after things have been paid for and guests have been invited is no easy feat. That's why experts suggest you do the necessary introspection long before putting a ring on it.

"Before the relationship gets so serious that you’re considering engagement, take some time to really think about what a future relationship with your partner looks like," advises Psychology Today. "Are you truly compatible, not only in your day-to-day living, but also in terms of your values? Sit down and picture what your future life will look like with your partner. Envision that relationship both in good times and in bad."

Now ask yourself: "Do you like what you see?"

The site also suggests take the necessary time to seriously evaluate the relationship so that you can spot any red flags early on.

"Don’t get so wrapped up in falling in love that you’re forgiving major issues like constant conflict, emotional ab*se, or cheating," it notes. "See them for who they are now, well before you’re planning a wedding. Compatibility counts… is this the type of relationship you always wanted?"

At the end of the day, canceling a wedding on the last minute can be expensive, sad and even embarrassing. But many would argue that it's a whole lot better than living a life of regret and unhappiness.