What’s The Funniest Thing You’ve Ever Said Or Heard?

The cashier who had already gave me the receipt, told me to have a good day. My dumb*** thought he asked me if I wanted the receipt. I told him no and walked off. So pretty much what happened was:

"Have a good day!"

"No."

“That’s not the only cream they’re eating”

I was talking about a couple who skipped class to go have ice cream, and would always show up late for band practice.

Me: I scream we all scream for-
My BFF- murder
Me: …
My BFF: …
This is why she’s my bestie

I got my wisdom teeth out, and I was stoned off of my a*s, I heard a nurse say something, and I said “that’s what she said.” I think the nurse laughed, because that was so freaking funny. And I also said “Kylie Jenner is going to hate me, because my lips look like hers” , but keep in mind that I was so stoned, and my face was so swollen, I looked like a chipmunk. Thank goodness I don’t have to worry about my wisdom teeth anymore, because the amount of pain I was in afterwards was horrible.