You can’t read another person’s thoughts, so when something feels off, it’s easy to let your imagination run wild. For example, who wouldn’t start questioning their spouse’s commitment if they started taking late-night calls and disappearing at odd hours?
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Reddit user Bmondgend became convinced that her husband was cheating. However, the woman couldn’t obtain any irrefutable evidence, so she felt like the only way she could find peace of mind was to confront him. And she did learn the truth. But it wasn’t what she had expected at all.
This woman thought her husband was cheating with the neighbor
Image credits: Grinvalds / freepik (not the actual photo)
So, she started to investigate him
Ultimately, she realized that the affair existed only in her imagination
Image credits: Vanna Phon / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But by then, it was too late
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: bmondgend
There are signs that can help people spot infidelity, but they’re not always reliable
“Detecting infidelity is not about paranoia, but perceptiveness,” says behavioral analyst Wendy L. Patrick, J.D., Ph.D., author of Red Flags and Reading People.
“Unfounded paranoia can be counterproductive, as many partners are as loyal and trustworthy as they appeared to be when you met them, and baseless suspicion fuels strife,” Dr. Patrick adds. “But if the issue is warranted, ... there are plenty of ways to detect unfaithfulness.”
According to her, the biggest tells are:
- From walking on Cloud 9 to walking on eggshells. One indication of infidelity is irritability. Cheating is stressful. If you feel like you are getting on your partner’s nerves more frequently, or have to tiptoe around issues or circumstances to avoid an argument, there might be a reason that has nothing to do with you. It could be your partner’s guilty conscience.
- Surprisingly content. When a previously needy partner all of a sudden seems content and undemanding, it might be because (some of) their needs are being met elsewhere.
- New interest in your schedule. Cheating partners may suddenly express interest in where you are going and when. Lest you wonder if they suspect your infidelity, they often do not ask who you are with. Keeping an eye on your schedule is not to make sure the two of you can have dinner together at home, but to make sure you are home when they are elsewhere.
- Altered states. Your partner begins to exhibit a different demeanor, often appearing to have something on his or her mind. Either positive or negative, you notice the change—and it is not in response to your questioning.
- Altered schedules. Suddenly, your partner is leaving for work early or staying late. Notice whether he or she volunteers an explanation, or if you ask, is unable to articulate a logical rationale for the schedule switch-up.
However, as we’ve just learned, life isn’t always straightforward. “Obviously, none of these behaviors in isolation, or even in combination, is solid evidence of an affair,” says Dr. Patrick.
Kara Nassour, a licensed professional counselor from Austin, Texas, says there are many reasons someone might falsely accuse their partner.
The possible ones include:
- paranoia;
- trauma;
- difficult past relationships;
- insecure attachment style;
- violent tendencies;
- dementia;
- personality disorders;
- fear of commitment.
It’s quite strange that the husband saw the woman’s suspicion as a big enough reason to divorce her, though.
“A single false accusation could be a misunderstanding,” Nassour adds.
It’s usually only when they are frequently jealous, lash out at you, or get emotionally over-the-top for reasons most people wouldn’t understand that might imply a deeper, more unhealthy pattern.
Many of the people who read the woman’s story thought there could be more to the story than meets the eye
