There are probably not many other things that can compare to the sense of betrayal a person experiences when they find out that their partner, whom they trusted completely, has been cheating on them behind their back. It can be truly devastating, and although it is possible to work through it, it’s by no means easy.
However, as one Redditor shared, it hits doubly, so when, after finding a way to keep going together, the partner decides to go right back to it. When his wife had an affair, the couple went to counseling and somehow managed to breathe new life into their relationship. But a few years later, it turned out that this solution was far from permanent. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
An affair doesn't have to mean the end of a marriage, but only if both partners are truly equally willing to commit to making it work
Image credits: Megan Ruth (not the actual photo)
A man found out his wife cheated on him with her co-worker, and the couple got very close to getting divorced
Image credits: Marcos Paulo Prado (not the actual photo)
Eventually, they decided to stick together and work through it, with the wife leaving her job to distance herself from her affair partner
Image credits: Emmanuel Ikwuegbu (not the actual photo)
Things looked bright for four years, but one day, the man accidentally found out that his wife had started chatting with that same guy all over again
Image credits: u/cheatedondad
When he confronted her, she started accusing him of invading her privacy, and the man told her that he wanted a divorce, to which she later agreed
Everything began roughly 4 years ago when what was then a 3-years-old marriage was nearly destroyed after the OP’s wife cheated on him with her co-worker. The couple was on the verge of a divorce, but the counseling proved to be effective, and they managed to find a way through it.
The woman left her job to distance herself from said colleague, and with the flame in their marriage rekindled, things looked bright for her and the poster. Around 3 years later, the couple even had their first child.
However, it turned out that things were not as perfect as they seemed because one day, the man accidentally found out that his wife had recently gotten back into chatting with her old affair partner once again.
The texts didn’t imply anything serious, but when the guy confronted her, instead of trying to explain anything, the woman got very defensive and started accusing him of invading her privacy. The OP told her that he was sorry for snooping around but that he no longer trusted her and wanted a divorce.
The evening culminated in the woman leaving home to spend the night away, which, according to her, she did at a hotel. In the morning, she finally responded to the poster’s texts and told him that she understood his wish for divorce and wouldn’t fight him on it.
The commenters were very supportive of the OP, reassuring him that his handling of the situation was in no way an overreaction. Almost everyone pointed out that a response like that from his wife was definitely a sign of cheating and that she was probably very well aware that these texts were not just to have a friendly ‘catch-up.’
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
A situation like this is far from the only occurrence. There are many stories of people deciding to continue with their marriage after one of them is unfaithful, only to still end up splitting up due to the same issue later down the road.
This makes us wonder whether it is actually possible to do it successfully. But, to do that, we should first look at the whole picture of what it is and how it comes to be.
As the Mayo Clinic writes, infidelity is hardly a clearly defined word that has one and the same meaning for everyone. For some people, it can be something like having a strong emotional connection with another person who is not their partner, while for others, it only counts when it comes to sexual activities and so on. In short, there are many variations, and the lines are usually drawn up by the couples themselves.
There are probably as many reasons for the beginnings of affairs as there are definitions for what it is. These can include, but are not limited to, lack of communication, commitment, affection, fondness, love, and/or care. It can also happen due to low self-esteem, physical and mental health issues, addictions, stress, major life changes, and other problems.
Of course, just because we mostly hear about the unsuccessful mendings of marriages after affairs, it doesn’t mean that it’s not possible to actually find a less temporary solution. However, if you do find yourself in such a situation, there’s no way of knowing whether it’ll work for your relationship until you try. And to start doing that, Sheri Stritof of the Very Well Mind recommends a few steps:
- Make sure that you both want to save your marriage.
- Reflect on your feelings, and be honest with yourself and your partner.
- If you’re the cheater, accept the responsibility and stop any ongoing affairs.
- If you were the one cheated on, try to find ways to forgive.
- Communicate and be open, but also practice patience.
- Give your partner the space they need, but make sure to also spend time with them.
- Stand by your promises.
- Seek professional help.
In the end, everything is possible, but the most important thing is to truly be on the same page and keep working toward a mutual goal because if that’s not the case, the facade might last just until the next little thing rips it all apart, just like how it happened for the OP.
What did you think about this story? How would you have handled this kind of situation? Tell us all about it in the comments below!
The commenters supported the poster, saying that his wife's reaction to his confrontation was a dead giveaway sign that she was cheating again
