It can feel heartbreaking to realize that you are no longer enough for your spouse. While some couples can and do embrace open relationships, they are not for everyone. Nobody should feel like they’re forced into them.
One redditor recently turned to the r/AITAH online community for advice due to a very sensitive situation developing at home. He shared how his wife asked for an open marriage, so he decided to prioritize his own mental well-being instead of her and their child. Read on for the full story, as well as the reactions it got from the internet. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from him.
Working through relationship issues takes a lot of time, effort, and energy
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One man turned to the internet for advice after sharing how he reacted when his wife asked him for an open marriage
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrew Neel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Nobody should feel like they're being forced into an open relationship against their will
There are two main issues at play here. The first is that the OP’s wife asked for an open marriage. The request led to him wanting a divorce. The second issue is that the author of the post stated that he would want unequal custody of their kid. He said that he could be a weekend dad while his wife “could have the child 5 days a week.”
Many readers thought that the author was perfectly within his rights to draw some healthy boundaries and say ‘no’ to the request for an open marriage. However, some redditors had issues with how quick he was to prioritize himself instead of his wife and child.
Others were concerned about the future welfare of the kid and argued that equal custody would be the best way forward. These redditors thought that all parents should prioritize their children, no matter what else is going on in their personal lives.
According to licensed mental health counselor Wale Okerayi, an open relationship is when “both parties of a relationship agree to have separate romantic relationships outside of their primary one.”
The key point here is that both people have to agree to this. Both partners need to be comfortable with the idea of an open relationship. If one of them is not, then it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. It might be time to move on if you and your partner have different priorities.
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Open relationships should not be used as a crutch to fix things between the couple
‘Brides’ notes that your partner should explain to you exactly why they want to be in an open relationship. They should be open about what their physical and emotional needs are and how they are (not) being met.
Polyamory expert Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D., warns that it’s very important to be honest with each other. If one partner is pressured into following the other’s whims, it can lead to a lot of frustration and resentment down the line.
“When one person has agreed to consensual non-monogamy under duress—either they have been bullied or badgered until they give in, or they feel like they can’t say ‘no’ but really do not want to be in an open relationship—the challenges become far more intense than they would be if everyone involved was truly consenting,” she warns.
Sheff adds that open relationships should not be used as a crutch for failing partnerships. They are not guaranteed to fix the problems that the couple currently faces in the relationship.
While open relationships can provide a sense of novelty and fantasy fulfillment, they can also breed tension, jealousy, and emotional pain.
Some readers were on the author's side and offered some well-meaning advice
Many internet users called out the man for how poorly he handled the entire situation
